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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27786778">Words I Didn't Say</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazzasgolden/pseuds/hazzasgolden'>hazzasgolden</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Why Don't We (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action/Adventure, Adventure, Adventure &amp; Romance, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Boyband, Don't Judge Me, F/M, FLUFF IS SO HARD TO WRITE, Fanfiction, Fans, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Is this a kissing book?, Photographs, Photography, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Don't Kill Me, Romance, Self-Doubt, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tour Bus, Touring, Why Did I Write This?, bye idek, this is a shit show</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:21:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>50,331</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27786778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazzasgolden/pseuds/hazzasgolden</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dealing with hate from Limelights all around the world, Savannah Sailor decides it's time to tell her side of the story. Follow her and her sister's journey as the official photographers of the 8 letters tour after their mentor and father figure, Zack Caspary, takes an unprecedented fall. You'll be in for a long but surprising, never seen before tale of fighting, fury, and of course, love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Corbyn Besson/Christina Marie, Corbyn Besson/Original Female Character(s), Daniel Seavey/Original Female Character(s), Jack Avery/Gabriela Gonzalez (Socialite), Jack Avery/Original Female Character(s), Jonah Marais/Original Female Character(s), Zach Herron/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. PART I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The book starts off slow and short, but as you move on farther the book will go more in depth, I promise! I didn't realize how involved I would get with this plot and now it's turned out to mean so so much to me. Please hang in there in the beginning, it only gets better!! Enjoy! Much love x</p><p>All songs, certain plot additions, names (besides Sav and Skye) I do not own. However, plot is mine. Enjoy the story and I apologize for any typos or misdirections. Also, the A/Ns are most of the time important so remember to read them too! </p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It all started with Jonah. You think he was the problem? Oh, no. I wish. The problems all started with you know what? Never mind. Anyways, bottom line? Have you ever heard the saying you know true love when you see it? Yeah, that’s Jo and Tate. And I’m happy to say that Tate and I are friends, and we get along perfectly fine. So, Limelights, I’d appreciate it if that theory was taken off twitter that I’m trying to steal Jonah away from Tate.</p><p>You might be wondering why I’m here. Well, I’ve been thinking. It’s been exactly 4 months, 8 days, and 3 hours since I announced to the world that I ended my relationship with Jack Avery. Its also been exactly 3 months, 8 days, and 3 hours since I announced to the world that Daniel Seavey was my boyfriend. And in these past few months, seeing hate comment after hate comment, it’s been hard. Hard on me, and hard on my best friend, who has endured the exact same thing after breaking up with Corbyn Besson. Telling you all that she had started to date Zach Herron was hard enough, without all the backlash she received right after. Corbyn and Christina? Like I said before, you know true love when you see it. We’re happy for them, and they’re happy for us. Simple as that.</p><p>After all this hate, we started to think. And now, 3 months later, here we are, writing to you. To tell you how we feel. How it’s affected us. And what happened. Our side of the story, the words we didn’t say, the words we couldn’t say. It’s time you heard the whole and complete truth, not something that was made up or half-assed. And that’s what we’re going to give you. So buckle up and prepare limelights, because this isn’t pretty. But trust us, it’s something you want to hear.</p><p>As I said, this whole mess started with Jonah, so that’s where the story begins. That one fateful evening in San Jose where Zack Caspary just so happened to take a little spill at their concert….</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The story chapters will get longer I promise lol</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Click. Click.</em> All I can hear are fans screaming to the music as my boss, Zack Caspary lurks around the edge of the stage snapping pictures of the Why Don’t We boys. They’re dancing around the stage, smiling brightly. Jonah Marais asks the crowd how they're doing tonight, and I hear my best friend, Skye let out a hiss of air under her breath as every girl in the crowd screams. <em>I don’t blame her, this hurts my head too.</em> Caspary moves forward and we trudge along, our own cameras turned off as we weren’t needed at the moment. He beckons to us to stand in the wings while he troops on out into the stage to catch a few final shots. Yet just as he turns around, his foot slips and he lands with a large crash on the floor near the fans.</p><p>“Oh my god!” I hear Skye gasp as we run forward.</p><p>Security guards keep the fans off of him and we rush towards the boys who are already kneeling over him. I push Zach over roughly and check his pulse to make sure he’s still alive.</p><p>“Well?” Corbyn asks.</p><p>I breathe a sigh of relief. “Alive...but I think he broke his foot, and he definitely has a concussion. Jonah, call an ambulance.”</p><p>Jonah looks up, mildly annoyed at being told what to do.</p><p>“Now, please, we don’t have time for arguing.” Skye snaps.</p><p>“From the looks of things, he’ll be out for at least a month and a half, maybe more,” I say, looking towards the boys.</p><p>“Great, we just lost our photographer,” Daniel mutters.</p><p>“Not a problem, we have two right here that will be just fine,” Jack replies.</p><p>Zach turns towards us smiling. “You’re hired! But don’t push me.”</p><p>I look down abashed. “Sorry. Heat of the moment.”</p><p>He nods and laughs. “It’s fine.”</p><p>The blares of the ambulance bring us back to reality and the paramedics come in and take Caspary away.</p><p>“We need to finish the show, guys. Let’s get back to it. Girls, I trust you’ll be alright?” Jonah asks, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Skye and I frown.</p><p>“Yeah..we’ll be ok, thanks,” I reply.</p><p>The boys climb back onto the stage and begin to sing Big Plans as Skye and I walk backstage.</p><p>“Well, not quite sure if something's off with Jonah or something. He sure doesn’t like us.” Skye comments.</p><p>“Whatever. He’ll have to get used to it because he’s looking at the official Why Don’t We photographers for the next 2 months!!” I giggle.</p><p>We high five and watch the rest of the show, singing along to the songs. Hey, just because we work for them doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun too!</p><hr/><p>After the show finished and the boys said goodnight to their fans, we rushed over to the hospital to see Caspary.</p><p>When we came into the room, his foot was elevated and a large bottle of advil rested on the table, presumably for his concussion. He opens his eyes as we walk in and beckons us over to him.</p><p>“Hey, man, how are you doing?” Zach asks, rushing over to him.</p><p>Caspary attempts to raise his head but flinches and falls back against the pillow.</p><p>“Well..I’m alive.”</p><p>My heart breaks in two seeing the man that picked my sister and I up during our darkest days and took us in like his own daughters. I look over to see Skye wiping tears away from her eyes so I wrap her in a hug.</p><p>“He’s going to be ok.” I whisper in her ear and she nods and grabs Caspary’s hand in her own.</p><p>“You girls know what to do. It looks like I’ll be out for a couple of months, so it’s up to you two to take the photos for the tour.” He rasps out.</p><p>“Are you sure they can do this?” Jonah asks, his eyebrows raised. “They’re like the same age as Corbyn and Jack.”</p><p>“Hey!” Corbyn and Jack shout.</p><p>Jonah shrugs, unapologetic. Skye and I make eye contact, furious.</p><p>Caspary laughs. “I know my girls better than anyone. They know <em>exactly </em>what they’re doing, regardless of their age, Jonah.”</p><p>Jonah shrugs again. “If you say so.”</p><p>I huff. “Fine, Jonah, if you don't believe we’ve got what it takes, then we’ll take a photo shoot, down by the beach. Tomorrow morning, before the show in LA.”</p><p>The boys looked at me, surprised.</p><p>Skye nods and throws back her shoulders, standing next to me.</p><p>“She’s right. Bring it on.”</p><p>“That’s my girls.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zach is a tiny bit more childish than he probably is, but I was having too much fun to change it. Also helped the story flow. :) Also yeah ik Jonah's mean and he wouldn't say this in real life pls don't hate me haha</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, after an awkward night of orientation to what would now be our permanent bunks on the tour bus and avoiding Jonah as much as possible, (we were only planning to cover the shows until the LA concert and then  let Caspary take over by himself) we head down to the beach. Security had though ahead and covered a section of the beach with yellow tape so fans wouldn’t freak out and potentially hurt someone. (I’ve seen you all in action, don’t say it’s not true, it is.)</p><p>The sun is just rising above the horizon and the boys sit in chairs on the sand getting makeup applied. Skye walks over to Corbyn and they strike up a conversation about space (why? I don’t know, that’s so weird to talk about with someone who you barely know.) and I sit down next to Zach to grab his attention away from complaining about the makeup.</p><p>“Zach! It’s just a makeup brush!” I chide, laughing as he scrunches up his nose and tries to hit the brush away.</p><p>“It’s nasty!” he whines.</p><p>I shake my head and look apologetically at the struggling makeup artist.</p><p>“Let’s talk about something else in life,” I suggest.</p><p>“<em>Let’s talk about loooveeee.</em>” sings Zach loudly.</p><p>I sigh and put my face in my hands.</p><p>“You’re lucky you’re my best friend.”</p><p>Zach turns around and asks, “Isn’t Skye your best friend?”</p><p>I shake my head, amused. “Skye, well, Skye is my twin sister. But she’s more than that too. Most people when they hear the words twin sister think, ‘oh, they do everything together, dress the same, like the same things, everything has to be the same.’ Which is NOT true, but luckily, I’m sisters with one of the best people in the world, who I love and adore. You know that saying, ‘sisters by chance, friends by choice?’”</p><p>He nods his head.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s Skye and me. When we were little we got along okay, but now we’re tight as can be. Is there anything stronger than being sisters? Cuz yeah, that would be us. Ever since…” I trail off, looking down.</p><p>Seeing this, Zach immediately jumps off his chair and wraps me in a hug.</p><p>“Zach! Get back in your chair and off my sister! You’re suffocating her!” Skye shrieks.</p><p>He goes back to his chair and Skye sashays over and tilts my chin up and wipes away my tears.</p><p>“We can do this. Just think about how proud Mom and Dad are, watching us from heaven.”</p><p>I nod and smile weakly.</p><p>“Whatever you say, little sis.”</p><p>She elbows me. “By 48 seconds!!”</p><p>Jack and Zach laugh and say “Awwww” loudly.</p><p>I shake my head smiling. “Cmon, let’s get this thing started.”</p><p>Skye and I make eye contact once again, and with a tiny tilt of my head towards her, she turns away to go and pose Corbyn. But she knows, in that final action, the importance of what she had just done. <em>Thank you, Skye.</em></p><p>“Oh my gosh, it’s Why Don’t We!”</p><p>I turn around, concerned at the scream. Security has already taken over, blocking the perimeter and calmly asking the fans to please quiet down. I turn back to Daniel and give him a shy smile and ask him to sit down in the sand and look to the horizon of the ocean.</p><p>“<em>See the line where the sky meets the sea, it calls meeeeeee!</em>”</p><p>I turn around and see Zach singing and dancing around the chair trying yet again to get way from the makeup artist. Skye marches over to him and tells him as sternly as she can while laughing to sit down.</p><p>“Fineeeee. But only cuz I like you.” Zach finally resents.</p><p>Skye nods and she and Corbyn start their photo shoot. I raise my camera and begin to snap a few pictures of  Daniel  in various poses.</p><p>“Oh, look at that. It’s golden hour.” I breathe.</p><p> Daniel turns his head and smiles. “Isn’t it beautiful? Everything is so calming and serene. It’s like you can do no wrong.”</p><p>I nod in agreement and he tilts his face up to catch the natural light. After a few more pictures he comes towards me and pulls me down to sit next to him.</p><p>“You know, not many people are as brave as you. Sure, a girl might say she would like to work for us, but if you think about it, with a split-second decision like yours to come here and photograph us, I wouldn’t have said yes.”</p><p>I tilt my head. “Why not?”</p><p> Daniel shrugs. “Society. Pressure. Expectations. People see us like we’re untouchable. But we make mistakes, we say stupid stuff, we make idiotic decisions. People just don't see that side of us because we know we have to hide it. Why, you may ask? Society is a cruel, cruel master, and what are we? The brainwashed people who believe these deceptions of how we’re “supposed” to be, and how we’re supposed to act. No matter what planet or universe you from, we’re all equal. Equality. Yet, some fans just don’t understand that. We’re only human, we’re the exact same as them.”</p><p>I look up at him astonished, a new-found respect for  Daniel in my heart.</p><p>“Well, ok, maybe a bit different with a couple people supporting us, but still.”</p><p>I laugh lightly and shake my head. “A few people? Daniel, look over there.”</p><p>He turns around to see smiling fans happily waving and shouting, and a brilliant smile grows on his face.</p><p>“Wow.” He breathes.</p><p>I laugh again. “See?”</p><p>“You have a nice smile.” he says as he pulls me up from the ground.</p><p>“Says the person who looks <em>amazing </em>in these pictures!!”</p><p>“Still.”</p><p>Daniel gives me a hug and calls Zach over.</p><p>“Hey guys! Sav, I’m officially ready, makeup and all.” Zach announces.</p><p>“Good job Zach. Not that hard, was it?” I ask.</p><p>He mock glares and goes to the ocean to feel the water.</p><p>“Thank you so much for the photos, Savannah. These look amazing!” Daniel says.</p><p>I turn to him, surprised. “Well, of course. This is my job, isn’t it?”</p><p>He and I laugh and he gives me one more hug before going over to the fans who scream excitedly.</p><p>“Ok, ready Zach?” I ask.</p><p>He nods and we start his photo shoot, starting with him laughing, this time at the makeup artist, who is of course, covered in makeup and looking stressed.</p><hr/><p>“We about done? I’m hungry.” Zach asks as I look through my camera evaluating my shots.</p><p>I look up at him and nod slowly. “I thinka so.”</p><p>He pumps his fist in the air and goes to Jack whose sitting on his phone looking through Instagram.</p><p>“Hey, Skye, you wanna go and grab some food?” I hear Corbyn ask from behind me.</p><p>I whirl around so fast I almost fall over and have to put my hand to my mouth and shut my eyes tightly to keep from laughing.</p><p>“Uh…” Skye starts.</p><p>I wiggle my brows at her. She narrows her eyes and looks back to Corbyn, opening her mouth to presumably accept, but then Zach cuts her off.</p><p>“Food? Huh? Meeeeee! I’m starving!”</p><p>Jack nods and follows Zach over to Corbs and Skye.</p><p>“But Jonah-” Skye starts.</p><p>I shake my head. <em>Time to take one for the team. </em></p><p>“It’s fine, I’ll do it.”</p><p>Skye looks at me, her forehead creased with concern.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>I nod. “Yeah, take some time to get to know the boys.”</p><p>
  <em>Besides the fact that Zach and Jack don’t know how to take a hint. They need to learn when their homeboy is asking someone on a date!</em>
</p><p>“Is that ok?” I turn and ask Jonah.</p><p>He shrugs. “Well, I don’t care, just don’t be stupid.”</p><p>They all nod and walk off to the car. With a small sigh I turn back to Jonah.</p><p>“Ready to start?”</p><p>He scoffs. “Yeah, because I definitely haven’t been waiting for an hour and a half.”</p><p>I press my lips together to bite back a rude comment.</p><p>“I offered you to go first, but you said to let the other boys go ahead.”</p><p>He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Let’s just get this over with.”</p><p>“You were the one who wanted it, it’s your problem.”</p><p>He turns towards me quickly. “What was that?”</p><p>“Nothing.” I open my eyes wide and look as innocent as possible.</p><p>“Mhm.” He says, unbelieving. “Come on, I don’t have all day for this.”</p><p>With those words, he sets me off.</p><p>“That’s it! Jonah, why do you have to be so rude?! What did I ever do to you to deserve this unfair treatment?”</p><p>Jonah whips his head around and glares at me, furious.</p><p>“Did to me? Did to me! I’ll tell you what you did to me, Savannah Sailor. What you did to me and all the boys. You think I don’t remember that night, a couple years ago? The night I saw you trying to break into that store with your sister? The night you stole from innocent people? Yeah, may you do, maybe you don’t. I sure do. Ever guess how you were caught?”</p><p>A feeling of dread starts to form in the pit of my stomach.</p><p>“And now, now you have the nerve to come here and act like you did nothing. Like nothing is wrong at all? Like what you did was perfectly ok? To come here and lie about yourself and your sister, when in reality, nothing about your life is what it seems? You know, they say the past is what makes you, so I guess I’m not surprised.” he hisses, his eyes glittering with fury.</p><p>I feel tears well up in my eyes and spill down my cheeks.</p><p>“You know nothing!” I shout.  </p><p>I take off my camera and place it down before running, remembering that long, fateful night…</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>If the text is in italics then it's a memory that Sav is thinking of! At the end is song lyrics but I think you'll be able to tell the difference.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Skye! Here! Remember..take only what we need, not that much..” I whisper, handing her a crowbar. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She nods, taking it and prying open the window of the grocery store. It's small and doesn't have cameras, not open during the night.  I reach over and slowly open the window. A large creak fills the silence of the still night surrounding us. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Skye slips into the window and I look around once more, scanning the perimeter. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shit.” I hiss as I see a tall figure facing towards me. I pull my mask over my eyes but not before he and I make eye contact. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>With quick practice, I slip into the window. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Skye! Hurry! Someone might’ve seen us!” I whisper quickly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She speeds up her browsing of the racks for any disposable, easy to eat food to take with us. We grab as little as possible, only enough to keep us alive for a few days. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“C’mon.” whispers Skye and we slip over to the window. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just as she puts her foot on the ledge, a bright light fills the room and someone shouts, “Halt! You have the right to remain silent. </em>
  <em>Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Fuck.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Skye and I stand still, our hands up in the air. A policeman pats us down for weapons, then handcuffs us and brings us out to the car. The scene is filled with flashing lights and I briefly make eye contact with a middle aged man. Skye looks at me with the question in her eyes, “Is he the man that got us arrested?” I shake my head and then get guided into the car. Skye grabs my hand on the way to the police station and presses her cheek against it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s going to be ok.” I mouth to her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey! No talking!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sorry.” We both mutter. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once we get to the station, they bring us into separate holding cells and I sit down on the flat, cold bed, defeated. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What have we become?” I whisper as I put my head in my hands. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’ve got a very good friend here. Grab your stuff and get out of here.”  guard says, his voice ringing through from the other side of the room. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stand up, confused. “What about my sister?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“She’ll meet you out there.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod and grab my jacket which I took off and rush to the lobby where Skye is waiting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Skye!” I scream and give her a huge hug. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sav, I’m so confused. Who bailed us out? We have no one.” Skye asks once I pull away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ah, and that’s where you’re wrong, Ms. Sailor.” sounds a voice from behind me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I whirl around and open my mouth, ready to express a thousand thank yous to whoever the person was but fall short. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, do we know you?” Skye asks. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He smiles. “Once upon a dream, I’m sure. Zack Caspary, nice to meet you. Your parents and I were very close. I was the best man at their wedding. Ever since I heard the news, I’ve been trying to find you. I’m so happy to finally be successful.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I-” I begin to say just as “You-” starts Skye at the same time. We lock eyes and wordlessly open the lockets carrying the last picture of our parents before they got sick. I open my side and she hers, and we match up the scene of them on their wedding day. And there, in the back, is a smiling Zack Caspary, sitting with two small girls, waving their petite little arms. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But- why?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mr. Caspary’s happy grin falls off of his face. “When your parents got sick, they cut themselves off from me. They didn’t want me to have to go through the pain of seeing them slowly die and not be able to do anything about it. And I searched for you all, for weeks and months. But they were always one step ahead of me. When I heard they had finally passed, I knew I had to find you. It’s the least I can do for them after all these years.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shake my head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you Mr. Caspary, but we really couldn’t-” Skye starts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We couldn’t impose-” I say. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He cuts us both off. “No, I’d like you to come with me. I have rooms set out and everything. Please?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Skye and I shrug helplessly and look at each other. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Alright. But only for a little bit.” Skye finally says. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He nods cheerfully. “And girls? Call me Caspary.” </em>
</p><p>I deeply breathe in the crisp ocean air, trying to calm myself down. I look into my bag and grab out my mirror. </p><p>“What a mess.” I whisper at my reflection. </p><p>My hair is windswept and my eyes are red and swollen. I get out my water bottle and rub away all of my makeup. </p><p>“Well, it’s not beautiful, but ok.” I mumble, my mind already back on my problem. “Oh my god, what am I going to do about Skye? She doesn’t know that Jonah knows. I hope she’s ok, I don’t think any of the other boys know…yet.” </p><p>I lean my head against a rock and close my eyes, taking in the sounds of the ocean. </p><p>
  <em>I wish it could be like this forever, but Jonah’s going to fire us, for sure.</em>
</p><p>“I wouldn't be so sure about that. Not on my watch, for sure.” </p><p>I whip around to see Daniel walking towards me. His eyes aren't sparkling and happy for once. </p><p>“Are you ok?” I ask tentatively as he sits down next to me. </p><p>He nods. “I’m fine, it’s you that should be answering that question.” </p><p>I shrug. “I don’t know, I guess I’m fine? Nothing happened, Jonah just had his photo shoot and then I came up here to think.” </p><p>Daniel laughs quietly. “You’re good. Really good.” </p><p>I tilt my head and look at him, confused. “Huh?” </p><p>“At lying. A natural if I ever saw one.” he replies, answering my unspoken question. </p><p>Dread starts to take me over and I move to stand and leave, but he grabs my hand and pulls me down. </p><p>“Savannah, it’s fine, I know. But I know the real story, not what Jonah thinks. I know that you only did it because you were starting to starve.” </p><p>I turn to look at him, really confused now. “How do you know? I thought that at yesterday’s show was the first time you met us.” </p><p>Daniel shakes his head. “No. That night you met Jo, you also met me.I’m surprised you don’t remember. I had to undress you, after all.” </p><p>“You <em>what</em>?!” I shriek. </p><p>Daniel laughs again. “No, no it wasn’t like <em>that</em>! You passed out as soon as you got out of the car. No food or water for 4 days is not smart, Savannah. Corbyn and I were over at Caspary’s and he yelled for help. We ran out, and well, picked you up and brought you inside. Set you on the bed, demanded him for an explanation. Once he told us, you two had gradually been coming back to your senses.” </p><p>“Everything after he took us in..it’s all just a blur..” </p><p>“Try and remember…”</p><p>
  <em>I attempt to sit up in my bed-wait what?! Why am I in a bed? Blackness starts to cloud in my head so I lie back down. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sk-Skye..” I whisper weakly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“She’s safe Savannah. You’re at home now, and we need you to do a few more things before you sleep, alright?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod once again, and their voices recede into the kitchen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Daniel, can you feed her and get her changed?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Caspary, are you serious right now?” </em>
</p><p><em>“Please, I know this is a bit weird, but I need the help. I’m trying to get them to the doctors tomorrow, so while I’m doing that, could you </em>please <em>just do this?” </em></p><p>
  <em>“I’ll do it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you, Corbyn.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Fine.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thanks, Daniel. Here’s some food and clothes. Make sure they eat it slowly and help them out.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hear footsteps coming nearer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey, Savannah. I need you to eat this.” the voice whispers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I try to shake my head, try to tell him no, not now, I can’t, but my mouth seems to open on it’s own accord. He gently grabs the back of my neck and lifts the spoon full of soup to my lips. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Easy does it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a couple more spoonfuls, he brings my head back down to the pillow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Savannah..I need you to sit up, so I can get you changed. Nothing bad, just a shirt and shorts, okay?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I manage to nod slightly before the blackness comes back to my head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m going to lift you up now. On three..one..two...three.” He lets out a small hiss of air from his teeth and whispers again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Stay strong, Savannah. You can do this.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s the last thing I hear before I pass out once again.</em>
</p><p>“Once you passed out the second time, I finished changing you and left with Corbyn after he finished with Skye, who fared no better. That was the last time I saw you, until now. A whole entire two years…” </p><p>“That..that was you?” I whisper. </p><p>He nods, a small smile on his face. “I’ve been there since the beginning, you just never knew.” </p><p>“I- thank you.” I say, slowly remembering now how gentle and considerate his was. </p><p>“We can’t help everyone, but we can help someone. And you needed it, so I was there.” he replies. “You know, Savannah, your past ‘mistakes’ is what makes you the person you are today. And look, they aren’t defining you, are they? No, they show you how far you have become and what a difference the help of one person can do in the world.” </p><p>“Caspary.” I smile. </p><p>“Mhm. See, without him, how would we have these two amazing girls that I know, who take awesome pictures and are so kind, who I most <em>definitely </em>want to spend more time with so I can get to know them?” He laughs. </p><p>“Daniel!” I giggle along with him. </p><p>“Whatttt?” he replies, innocently, trying to smother his amusement. “I didn’t do anything at alll.” </p><p>“Seriously though, thank you.” I say, seriously. </p><p>He winks. “I gotcha, bestie.” </p><p>He wraps his arm around my shoulder and we walk along the beach to the bus, where everyone is waiting.</p><p>“Savannah-” Jonah starts, but I breeze past him and into the back room, where Daniel and Zach are playing on the Xbox. </p><p>“Hey, Sav. It’s ok if I call you that, right?” Jack greets. </p><p>“Yeah, of course! Cuz it’s just <em>soooo </em>hard to pronounce 8 letters, right?” I say sarcastically back. </p><p>Zach raises his eyebrows at me. </p><p>“Oh my god, I hate myself so much.” I laugh, realizing the pun I unintentionally said. </p><p>He shakes his head, laughing as well. “You’re all good.” </p><p>“But yeah, that’s fine, I don’t care.” I reply to Jack. </p><p>He nods his head. “K.” </p><p>Zach picks up his card and reads off, “What’s your favorite Disney princess?” </p><p>Jack immediately says, “Belle.” </p><p>“Yeah, she’s cool, but also Mulan.” Zach agrees. </p><p>“Oh my god. I’ve totally forgotten what even happens in those.” I laugh. </p><p>Jack and Zach lock eyes and nod simultaneously</p><p>“Movie night!” They scream. </p><p>The door opens behind me and turn around to see Skye and Corbyn. </p><p>“What’s this I hear about a movie night?” Corbyn asks. “I want in!” </p><p> Skye grins and pushes my arm and I excuse myself to go clean up and grab my blankets and things.</p><p>I just finish getting out of the bathroom, having washed my face and changed into a pajama shirt and a pair of shorts. Through the windows I see Daniel stalking off with Jonah following close behind. <em>Weird… </em></p><p>“Ready?” Skye asks, bundled in blankets like me. </p><p>“I guess so.” I answer and we walk to the back room. There’s food on the table and the TV is glowing with the opening credits of <em>Beauty and the Beast. </em></p><p>“Sit with me?” Jack asks. </p><p>Skye is sitting in between Corbyn and Zach, so I nod and sit next to him. </p><p>“Hi, Skye.” Corbyn murmurs, next to me, before turning his attention back to the screen. His hand is near Skye’s leg, and I turn towards her and smile obnoxiously while wiggling my eyebrows. She rolls her eyes.</p><p>Jack pokes me lightly and whispers, “Belle is such a queen! You’re gonna love her.” </p><p>I smile and whisper back, “If you say sooo..” </p><p>Skye coughs loudly and I turn to her and she has a <em>what is happening </em>look on her face. </p><p>I smile lightly and turn back to Emma Watson, who is starting her opening song. </p><p>“Oh, wow.” I whisper. </p><p>“Yeah.” Jack says. “You could say that.” </p><p>We continue to watch the movie, and about the time when the wolves start to attack Belle, I realize I need to pee. <em>Well, I’m not missing out on too much. She’s just getting attacked so…. </em></p><p>“Imma go to the restroom.” I whisper to Jack. </p><p>He nods and I get up slowly, my blanket trailing behind me. </p><p>I’m just finished washing my hands when I hear Daniel and Jonah talking outside the bus. I slide up the window a bit after I hear my name. </p><p>“She’s been ignoring me all afternoon, Daniel! What am I supposed to do? She works for us, and we can’t carry on like this. I’m going to fire her.” Jonah roars. </p><p>“No. No, you aren’t.” Daniel growls back. “Can’t you see, Jo? You hurt her, took her worst fear, of people finding out about her past, and threatened to tell everyone. It’s her defense mechanism. She thinks that if she cuts herself off, she won’t be hurt. She’s scared, Jonah, and you’re not helping at all.” </p><p>“Okay, maybe I was wrong, Daniel, to assume that she was just taking the stuff for fun, but I still don’t trust her.” </p><p>“Well, you need to learn to.” Daniel snaps. </p><p>“Don’t you understand?! I can’t Daniel, not when my mind and heart are saying two different things!” Jonah yells. </p><p>“What do you mean, Jonah?” Daniel asks, struggling to contain his anger. </p><p>“I..can’t. I know I shouldn’t, but I want her. So, so bad. But I’ve seen what she’s done, how can I forget that?” </p><p>“She was starving Jonah! That night I saw her? I could see her ribs through her shirt! What did you expect for her to do? What the hell is your problem?!” Daniel yells. </p><p>“I...I don’t know. Man, I fucked up bad. What am I supposed to do?” Jonah finally responds, and I see the tears that are running down his face. </p><p>"Well maybe you can go and grow yourself some compassion the next time you go ahead and scare THE LITERAL DAUGHTERS OF OUR TOUR PHOTOGRAPHER away!" Daniel yells, stalking off in the darkness. </p><p>I can feel myself get dizzy and I slide the window closed. <em>Jonah...he likes me?! Ew, gross. Well.. What am I going to do?! Do I even like him? He's handsome though... oh wait. Stop those thoughts! But I guess it’s true...What the hell am I going to do?! </em></p><p>I pull myself up and go back into the back room. Skye raises her eyebrow at me but I shake my head. <em>Not right now. </em> </p><p>I sink back into the couch and Jack wraps his arm around my shoulders.</p><p>
  <em>Tale as old as time</em>
</p><p>
  <em>True as it can be</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Barely even friends</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then somebody bends</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Unexpectedly</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just a little change</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Small, to say the least</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just a little scared</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Neither one prepared</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Beauty and the Beast….</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>We're moving quickly hereeee. A little drama ofc ofc to spice it up.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as the movie is over with I grab my blankets and stand with Skye. Daniel stands up too and wraps me in a hug before saying goodnight. He came in shortly after I returned to the couch and lounged on the floor, stealing all the popcorn and trying to sing along with the songs in french. (It went badly). Corbyn and Zach give me side hugs before they too turn in.</p><p>"Skye? Can we go outside?" I ask tentatively.</p><p>She nods and we walk out to the sand where a small fire is burning.</p><p>Our minds wander as we stare off into the oceans horizon.</p><p>"Skye?" I finally ask, breaking the silence .</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>" I...have something to tell you, that happened today after you left with the other boys. " I say carefully.</p><p>She turns sharply to look at me. "Did Jonah do something?"</p><p>I nod slightly and her eyes darken dangerously.</p><p>"What happened?" She ground out .</p><p>"He....he knows about our past, and he confronted me. He called me a cheat and a liar and said he wouldn't be surprised if I hardly changed at all."</p><p>Skye lets out a hiss of breath. "Do any of the other boys know?"</p><p>I nod again and reply, "Yeah, Corbyn and Daniel. But it's fine! It's fine!"</p><p>I grab her arm as she begins to rise up, fear etched across her face.</p><p>"They know the truth. They were the ones that helped us, that first night."</p><p>Skye wrinkles her brow, trying to remember.</p><p>"Ohhh...that was Corbyn?"</p><p>" Yeah.. "</p><p>"Remind me to thank him." She says .</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>We sit closer together as the night becomes colder.</p><p>"Sav? You know I love you, even though you piss me off and worry me sometimes, right?"</p><p>" Yeah. I love you too, little sister. " I reply with a smile.</p><p>She laughs. "Remember that part about pissing me off?"</p><p>The wind picks up slightly and she pulls her blankets around her tighter.</p><p>"It's kinda cold, I'm going to go inside. Coming?"</p><p>I shake my head. "No, I'll stay out here a little longer. I need to think."</p><p>She nods and gives me a hug and says goodnight before leaving.</p><p>I stare into the fire as the thoughts of today run through my head. Before long, sleepiness starts to overtake me. <em>I'll just close my eyes for a minute...</em></p><hr/><p>"Sav? Savannah?"</p><p>I jolt awake and grab at the nearest weapon I can find, a broken bottle.</p><p>"Easy there, warrior." Daniel says, coming closer to me with his hands up.</p><p>" Oh. Sorry. Force of habit. " I reply.</p><p>"You fell asleep."</p><p>" Hmm. How long have you been here? " I ask.</p><p>"15 minutes, maybe? I needed to clear my head and I wanted to keep an eye on you too. I'm just about to go in so I thought I'd wake you up."</p><p>I nod. "Oh, thank you."</p><p>We get up and head back towards the bus.</p><p>"Thank you, Daniel, for everything, today." I say as we reach the door.</p><p>He waves his hand. "Not a problem. It's what best friends do, right?"</p><p>I smile. "Right."</p><p>He pulls me into his arms and hugs me tight.</p><p>"Goodnight, Savannah. Dream of me?"</p><p>I laugh into his shoulder.</p><p>"You wish."</p><p>With a kiss on my forehead, he's gone, climbing into his bunk. I slip into mine and pull my blankets tighter before letting sleep over take me.</p><hr/><p>The next morning I'm up bright and early. I grab my camera and head outside the bus quietly.</p><p>"This town is beautiful." I say aloud.</p><p>With the boys wanting to avoid publicity as much as possible for their short break off to go surfing, we had moved overnight to a small little seaside town.</p><p>"You could say that."</p><p>I turn around to see Jonah with a cautious look on his face walking towards me. I sigh and sit down on the rocks, raising my camera to take a picture of the view.</p><p>"What do you want, Jonah? Here to fire me?"</p><p>He takes a deep breath. "Actually, no, Savannah. I wanted to apologize. Yesterday I was being completely unfair and didn't know the whole story. People who steal from other people just for the fun of it, I really despise that. But I didn't realize what position you were in."</p><p>I make a noise in my throat to tell him to get to the point.</p><p>He clears his throat and continues. "And it wasn't only that. I...I really like you, Savannah. I guess pushing you away was my way of preserving my heart since I knew you wouldn't reciprocate the feelings."</p><p>Jonah looks down, obviously embarrassed.</p><p>"Well you never have me a chance, did you?" I say softly, grabbing his chin and looking him in the eye.</p><p>"I- what?" He starts to say.</p><p>"It's okay, you were just acting like any other person would about the incident, and...well, I might..like you too." I cut him off.</p><p>He grabs my face and softly kisses my lips, catching me by surprise.</p><p>"WAYHOO! OTHER PEOPLE PRESENT!!" Jack screams .</p><p>I turn around to see the boys and Skye standing outside the bus.</p><p>Jonah smiles at me.</p><p>"Well, buddy, I guess you're outta luck." He replies to Daniel .</p><p>Jack shakes his head and gets into the nearby car.</p><p>"Lets get some breakfast. I'm hungry."</p><p>Jonah nods and takes my hand and we walk down to the parking lot. By the time we get there, Zach has tackled everyone and managed to secure the front seat so we all squeeze in the back. I sit in the way back of the jeep with Skye, who gives me an encouraging smile and a nod to show she's alright with Jonah.</p><p>And this is why I love my sister. If I'm happy she is. That's what you want in a person. (Corbyn, cough cough, come get your girl)</p><p>I look towards Daniel who gives me a half hearted smile.</p><p>"You good?" I mouth to him.</p><p>He nods and waves his hand, replying "later"</p><p>I frown but let it go as the salty air hits my face and Jonah leans back onto my legs, smiling.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>IMPORTANT A/N MUST READ: JONAH WOULD NEVER PROBABLY DO THIS TO SOMEONE SO DO NOT ATTACK ME ISTG!!! I LOVE JO W ALL OF MY HEART AND YEAH I DON’T WANNA MAKE HIM LOOK BAD OR SOMETHING. BUT THIS IS JUST PART OF THE STORY OK BYE LOVE YOU GUYS X</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Daniel never did let me know what was wrong later that day. I guess me, with so many worries, never really thought about it either. But I'm not going to make excuses for myself. Jonah made our relationship official a week later when he asked me to be his girlfriend at dinner on the pier. (It was really, really, pretty) The hate when I dated him really wasn't that bad, just a few bits here and there, surprisingly. Over all, it was an amazing relationship. Sometime in all of it, Corbyn asked out Skye (finally). the hate started to get bad though, once we broke up. And it wasn't even a bad breakup! Well, you limelights might think it is, but rumors exaggerate everything, don't they? It was actually a pretty normal Friday night…</p>
<hr/><p>We all walked into the tour bus after grabbing a late night snack at Chipotle. We were currently in Maine, which was really cool since neither Skye nor I have ever been. After the show we drove to a smaller town in hopes of avoiding the public.</p><p>"Hey, Sav! Me. You. Xbox. Pleaseeee?" Jack begged.</p><p>He had been a bit off for a few weeks after Jonah and I got together, but it seemingly went away and he was back to his cheerful normal self. I wasn't sure why, but he seemed alright now, and I'm not the type to pry. </p><p>"Uh, of course!!!” I reply.</p><p>Skye waves at me goodbye as she sits in between Corbyn and Zach at the kitchen table. She gets her laptop out and they start going through pictures from the night. Daniel slips into his bunk, airpods in, looking exhausted.</p><p>Jack and I troop to the back room, arguing about which game to play.</p><p>"Grand Theft Auto!" I say .</p><p>"Noooo! Call of Duty!" He argues .</p><p>I roll my eyes, opening the door. "Fine, only cuz you won't let me forget it if I don't let us play. "</p><p>"YA-ohhhh.." He starts but trails off .</p><p>I turn around, confused, to see Jonah sitting down with his head in his hands, tears streaking his face.</p><p>"Oh my god! Baby, are you ok?!" I gasp and run towards him .</p><p>" I'll just..leave.. " Jack mumbles before sliding out of the room.</p><p>"What's wrong, Jo?" I ask.</p><p>" I...I messed up big, Sav. " he whispers.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>He takes a shaky breath. "I- after the show... you all left and I stayed behind to finish stuff up with management...You know that model? Tatum Dahl?"</p><p>i nod, dread forming in the pit of my stomach.</p><p>"She - she came in to congratulate me on the show and i invited her to stay and keep me company...just as friends, to talk about the old times...but when it was time for us to part ways...I swear I didn’t mean it! It wasn’t on purpose! "</p><p>He looks up at me with red eyes, full of fear at how I'm going to react. I feel myself crumble but know I have to keep a brave face. My mind is already racing to times I've spent with Jonah and Tate, the way they've looked at each other, the laughs they’ve shared... And it all clicks.</p><p>I shake my head. "Jonah, it's okay. I've seen the way you look at her, you're obviously in love. I'm not going to be a shitty ex girlfriend and hate you for eternity, ok?"</p><p>I feel the tears spill over as I say this but I know that it's the truth.</p><p>He wipes his tears away and grabs my face.</p><p>"You are one truly amazing woman, you know that, Savannah?" He asks as he wipes my tears away.</p><p>" Jonah, what do we tell the fans? "</p><p>"The truth?"</p><p>I shake my head. "We can't do that! They might get mad at you." <strong>(A/N: ahahah mad at you 😉 ok sorry sorry bye) </strong></p><p>"We could say it was mutual? " he suggests.  </p><p>I nod. "Ok. This is really happening..."</p><p>Jonah looks at me, full of concern. "Are you sure you're ok?"</p><p>I nod and smile softly. "You guys are perfect for each other. Tell Tate to call me so I can tell her all of your embarrassing stories, all right?"</p><p>He looks at me, mildly scared. "Careful what you say, missy! But seriously though, Savannah, even though we aren't dating anymore, I'm still here for you, and if you need anything, you know where to come."</p><p>I give him a hug and say, "Thank you, Jo."</p><p>He returns it, whispering, "No, thank you, Savannah."</p><p>I reach over and grab some matches from the table. "Im going to sit outside with a fire...clear my mind."</p><p>He nods. "Want me to go with you?"</p><p>I shake my head. "It's fine. Can you tell the boys and Skye, though?"</p><p>"It's the least I could do. "</p><p>"Tell Skye I say not to murder you." I say as I climb out of the bus.</p><p>"No guarantees of that coming true. " he mumbles with a smile as I close the door.</p><p>I grab some firewood that we now keep constantly on the bus. Ever since I told the boys I like to sit by fires at night they asked for some do be brought on.</p><p>After I make the fire, I sit back and relax. Closing my eyes, I allow my thoughts to wander. Being completely honest, seeing the way Jonah and Tate looked at each other didn't make me feel so terrible about having a break up with him. Though there was still the tiny nagging feeling that something in it has to do with me...</p><p>"Sav?"</p><p>I turn around to see Daniel walking towards me, wrapped snugly in a blanket. I shiver a bit, realizing how cold it is outside, and he wordlessly hands it over.</p><p>"Thank you." I say, my voice breaking a little bit.</p><p>"Hey, you okay? Jonah told us what happened. " he asks.</p><p>"Did Skye hurt him?"</p><p>Daniel laughs softly. "She slapped him across the face before he finished the story. She apologized, though."</p><p>I laugh a little bit but it brings tears to my eyes.</p><p>"What's on your mind?" He asks, seeing my face .</p><p>"I- it's nothing.." I start .</p><p>He sits down next to me. "I'm here. Let's talk about it."</p><p>Seeing this, I finally break down.</p><p>"It just - I mean, look at this!" I pull out my phone and show Daniel Jonah's sweet message he just posted explaining that we had broken up. Under it was thousands of comments from the fans...hating on me.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"She was ugly anyways."</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"He was too good for her. "</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"Uhm, ew. Don't know why he even dated her at all."</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>" Sav, no-" Daniel grabs the phone and turns it off.</p><p>"Dani, what if they're right? I never was good enough for him... why did he even date me?" I say, tears flooding down now.</p><p>Daniel pulls me to his chest.</p><p>"Savannah, no. Please don't listen to them. They don't have any idea what they're talking about. See, the girl I know is smart, beautiful, and she's so, so strong. She doesn't let anyone get her down because she knows that she's good enough, or even better than anyone she dates. She knows that she's loved by her friends and family. She's beautiful inside and out. "</p><p>Daniel wipes away the tears from my cheeks. "And that's why the fans hate her, because they can't stand how perfect she is."</p><p>I lean my head on Daniel’s shoulder and whisper, "What would I do without you?"</p><p>He wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Good question."</p><p>" Thanks, Dani. I really couldn't imagine anyone being a better best friend. " I murmur after a peaceful silence, filled only with the crackling of the fire.</p><p>He looks down at me peacefully. "I could say the same to you. "</p>
<hr/><p>And so, that was the end of my relationship with Jonah. It was a good experience and I do not regret it in the least. I gained a great friend in him from the whole thing, as well as someone who will actually hold a semi-serious conversation (cough cough Zach and Corbyn) But this was only the beginning. You thought this was interesting? Oh no, wait until the next part. See, next up is Jack, and that's where the real trouble began....</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. PART II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>So, this book is being split into different parts, of Sav giving the different segments of her story and what happened. It’s a rough ride from here on out readers, and lemme tell ya it will certainly be interesting!!! However, I do feel that it is necessary to remind everyone that this is completely fictional and I do not believe that any of the boys would do anything terrible (cheating, lying, fighting etc.) to anyone and I PROMISE I’m not trying to make anyone seem bad or mean or anything this is just my plot idea. Ok I’m all done bye love you guys x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To be fair, it wasn’t all his fault. Just mostly. Ok, maybe it was. I’m trying to be nice here so you guys don’t attack me, but honestly, you all are anyways, so might as well just say what I need to say. </p><p>It all started after I got into the biggest fight of my life with my sister over the boys. She’d just broken up with Corbyn a week ago, and Zach asked her out. Me, being the cautious person I was, told her to say no, but she said yes. Hence the argument that literally fucked me up for weeks because it’s hard to function without the literal counterpart of your life. And I also missed her, but that’s beside the point. </p><p>Daniel had also faded away in the midst of all of this. (Not that I noticed.) Jonah was so involved with Tate then that I didn’t want to bother them. This left me Jack. Let me tell you, the guy was a lifesaver. Well, until he changed. But that’s for later on. </p><p>Trouble is a good way to describe this relationship. In full truth, he was sweet, kind, and empathetic. At the beginning. But then, well, he changed. And we all know the good girls fall the hardest for the bad guys…</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ayyy here we go! Now we in Jack territory. Ummm I'm not sure what to say about this part of the story. Gets a lil weird, a lil funky. Jack obviously isn’t like this in real life, but moving on in the story um yeah you’ll see... this is another disclaimer I love him to death but he’s a little mean bean in the story for a bit of time. Everything's better with time I promise! ok bye i’m done love you x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sit on my bunk, head in my hands. <em>What should I do? Skye’s moving on too fast. Who knows? It could be a mistake to date Zach. No offense to him, but I mean, look at him. The guy acts like a five year old….which may just be part of the reason she loves him..</em></p><p>I take a deep breath to try and calm myself, but it doesn’t work, and as my mind works in overdrive, trying to find a solution to my latest problem, the emotional toll of the past few days come into effect. </p><p>After the breakup with Jonah, I got nothing but hate from limelights. Everywhere. I’m not going to lie, to hear someone who <em>doesn’t even know you</em> slew insults and spit at your feet, it hurts. A lot, unfortunately. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not something I regret, dating Jo. It’s just hard to deal with the backlash. Similarly, a few weeks after, Skye decided to break the news to the world that she had broken up with Corbyn. However, she had just informed me that she and Zach had been considering s considerable amount of time together and she was now dating him. After the breakups, the both of us had spent copious amounts of time trying to distract ourselves by allowing Zach and Jack to sweep us off our feet and be involved in all of their silly day to day pranks and adventures.</p><p>Ever since the news of their relationship I haven't been exactly...speaking with Skye after letting her know my thoughts on them getting together. </p><p>“Hey, Sav. You ok?” </p><p>I look up to see Jack standing over me, concern in his pretty brown eyes. </p><p>“I-yeah. I’m fine.” I say, scrambling to compose myself. </p><p>He frowns and says, “It’s fine. You can cry, you know.” </p><p>I shake my head. “No, no, I’m fine, really. Sorry, I’m being stupid. I shouldn’t be bothering you.” </p><p>He sits down next to me and hugs me.</p><p>“Ok, first of all, I’m here for you, like it or not. That’s what friends do. You know?” </p><p>I let out a shaky laugh. “Ok, Jack. Sure.” </p><p>“They accept you at your strongest, love and support you at your weakest. And it looks like you’re having some problems right now.” he singsongs. “But seriously, wanna talk about it?” </p><p>“Just problems with my sister, nothing new, just the usual fighting.” I reply. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I hate to see you fighting. And to see you crying over it the past few weeks has been heartbreaking.” </p><p>I sigh. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve been stealing a lot of your time.” </p><p>He shakes his head. “It’s perfectly fine. I want to see you feeling better.” </p><p>“Still, you shouldn’t have to worry about me.” I reply. </p><p>He takes a deep breath. “No, Savannah, I do. Not only as your employer, or just as your friend...because I think...I might see you as more than that.” </p><p>“I..” I start, staring up at him. </p><p>And then it kicks in. </p><p>“Jack...the fans...they already hate me enough...besides, you’ve heard them… I’m just a no good slut who uses you all for fame.” </p><p>He shakes his head but I go on,</p><p>“We can’t do this, what will the boys think, what will Jonah think?! And what about management?! They were already mad about Jonah! Oooh, they’re going to <em>kill </em>me..” </p><p>Jack grabs me and kisses me, shutting me up. </p><p>“I don’t care what the fans, boys, or management says. You’re beautiful and smart and kind to everyone you meet. I know you, and you would never use us for fame. I want you to be mine, Savannah.” he says firmly. </p><p>“I-okay..” I whisper. <em>Will I regret this? No, I can't. It's freaking Jack we're talking about. </em></p><p>He smiles softly and kisses me again. </p><p>“Good. Mine?” </p><p>“Yours.” I breathe back, still comprehending that I’m dating <em>Jack Avery</em>. </p><p>A smile breaks across my face as I feel a piece of my heart put back in place. A bit of color returns to my cheeks as I see Jack smiling fondly back at me, his hand held out. And I, of course, take it.</p><hr/><p>“I’m so glad they took that alright.” I say, walking out hand in hand with Jack after a meeting with the boys and management about our relationship. </p><p>Surprsingly, they passed it, after Jack told them to fuck off and reminded that they worked for him, not the other way around. Jonah was happy and gave me a big hug. </p><p>“I’m so, so happy for you, Sav. But you know there’s still one more thing you need to do.” he whispered. </p><p>“Jack, I’m going out for a bit. I promise I’ll be careful.” I tell him, grabbing my purse and jacket. </p><p>He nods, going over to the Xbox and turning on GTA. </p><p>I slip outside of the bus and breathe in the crisp Minnesota air. We finished touring up and down the east coast and were now moving slowly westward back home. The boys performed in St. Paul and we’re now tucked away in Stillwater for a few days so Jonah can visit his hometown and so that we could all take a break. </p><p>I walk down a nature trail to the small stream. The running water fills my ears and relaxes me, but I have the feeling of someone watching me. I turn around and see Skye across the river, sitting on a rock. I wave her over. <em>This is getting ridiculous. I’m going to settle this, now. </em> </p><p>“Sit with me?” I ask, patting the soft sand next to me. </p><p>She nods and we sit in silence for a few minutes. </p><p>“I’m going out with Jack.” I say after a while. </p><p>“I heard.” </p><p>I sigh. “Look, I’m sorry, I was just...worried.” </p><p>She turns to me and wordlessly gives me a huge hug. </p><p>“I’m sorry, too. I know you were just concerned about me.” </p><p>She pulls back and smiles a bit tearfully. </p><p>“A lot has changed over the past few weeks, don’t you think?” I say, a bit later. </p><p>“Yeah. It’s been interesting.” she responds, leaning on my shoulder. </p><p>“There’s a saying, if nothing ever changed there’d be no butterflies. Which is true, I guess. I’m hoping this change is for the better.” </p><p>“Yeah, me too. Also, ew. Butterflies are disgusting.” she replies. </p><p>“Uhm, no. They’re so pretty!” I argue. </p><p>“They’re creepyyyy.” She says, laughing. </p><p>“You’re crazy.” I giggle along with her. </p><p>She grins devilishly. “Oh, I know.” </p><hr/><p>We walk back to the tour bus hand in hand and the boys look overjoyed to see us together and smiling. </p><p>“Ughhh finally! It’s been forever and then some since my two lil sisters have gotten along.” Jonah sighs. </p><p>I scrunch my nose. “I used to <em>date </em>you. Now I’m your sister?” </p><p>Tate laughs and high fives me. “Good one, Sav!” </p><p>“Ohhh no no no. What is this I see? What is happening?” Jonah says, pointing his finger between Tate and I. </p><p>We grin evilly at each other. </p><p>Corbyn laughs. “You’re dead meat, bro. Skye and Christina do this all the time.” </p><p>Jonah looks up at the sky and clasps his hands like a prayer. “Dear Lord, don’t kill me.” </p><p>I roll my eyes at him and Tate sings, “No guarantees!!”</p><p>“But seriously, it’s really good you guys are on better terms.” Jonah says, choosing to ignore the last comment. <em>He looks a tad spooked. </em></p><p>Skye nods. “Yeah, I missed having my sister having my back.” </p><p>“Heyyyy! Don’t I have your back!” Zach pouts. </p><p>Skye throws her head back and laughs. “Yeah, but there’s no one I trust more than Sav.” </p><p>Zach shrugs. “Fair enough.” </p><p>“WOOHOO!! THE FAM IS BACK TOGETHER!” Jack whoops. </p><p>We all laugh and huddle around a fire. </p><p>Daniel strums a chord on his guitar with a small smile on his face. I sigh happily, feeling content for the first time in weeks.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey Sav!!!” Zach shrieks from the TV room of the bus. </p><p>I get up from my bunk where I’m editing photos and poke my head into the room. Daniel and Jonah are huddled around a laptop with headphones on and Jack is sprawled on the couch with a guitar. Corbyn is sitting on the ground running scales and Zach is just bouncing around smiling maniacally while waiting for me to enter. </p><p>“Come in come in, to our humble abode!” he laughs and gestures dramatically. </p><p>Jonah snorts. “How much sugar have you had?” </p><p>Zach rolls his eyes and flops down on the couch. </p><p>“Oww!” Jack yelps.</p><p>“Ah I’m so sorry, my love.” Zach smirks. He landed right on Jacks legs. </p><p>“Jachary!!” Skye sings as she sails into the room. </p><p>“Anywaysss, we were thinking…” Jonah breaks in as Jack opens his mouth ready to say something. </p><p>I plop down on the floor next to Corbyn and get comfortable. </p><p>“Yes?” Skye asks. </p><p>“Those pictures you took on the beach a couple months ago? Well… we’re coming out with a new single and we think they might be good for the video or just to show as the album cover.” Corbyn explains. </p><p>My mouth drops open. “Okay, 1), since when was this happening? I feel like I would've heard you practicing these songs or something since I’m with you guys and Skye 24/7! 2), are you kidding me?! Of course we would love to have our pictures on there. But are you sure? We’re just amateurs... But 3), oh my gosh boys, I’m so proud of you guys!!!” </p><p>All five of them smile humbly and look at the ground, embarrassed. </p><p>“We’ve been planning and writing this for awhile, even before you started on tour with us. I know it means a lot to me… I’m sure to the other guys too.” Jonah says. </p><p>“Awwww!!!” I cry and tackle them all with hugs.</p><p>“Good afternoon to you too.” Daniel grumbles. Zach accidentally elbows him in the face as he tries to flee away from me. <em>He looks like he’s been up for hours. I really need to talk to him about keeping a sleep schedule. </em></p><p>“I swear, she’s such a mom sometimes.” Corbyn mutters, but he’s smiling. </p><p>Skye rolls her eyes. “Tell me about it.” </p><p>I scoff. "Wow thanks guys, I feel loved.” </p><p>“You’ve got Jack for that.” Zach snickers.</p><p>I shake my head and look to Jonah, Daniel and Jack for support. </p><p>Jonah’s silently dying trying not to laugh at the conversation and Daniel is once again engrossed in the music on his laptop. And Jack of course, is sitting with the biggest, stupidest smile on his face. </p><p>“They’re not wronggg.” he says. </p><p>I roll my eyes at him and walk over to him. </p><p>He shrugs. “Hey, it’s me. What did you expect?” </p><p>I laugh, curling up next to him. “Honestly, I don’t even know with you guys anymore.”</p><p>Jonah laughs. </p><p>“And that’s justttt the way it should be.” Zach says in an obnoxious voice. </p><p>Jonah peeps a look out the window. “Guys, we’re at the venue!” </p><p>“Show number 3 million here we gooooo.” Daniel groans as he gets up. </p><p>“Just think of the fans, that makes it worth it.” I smile softly, remember the day on the beach and how he looked at them.<br/>He nods. “Yes, of course.” </p><p>I look into his renowned blue eyes and try to profile what he was feeling. <em>He’s hiding some feeling...but what? </em> </p><p>“C’mon bestie. Head in the game, here we go!” I say, trying to hype him up. </p><p>His mouth sets into a line and he turns to get his guitar. </p><p>“Yup, guys, let’s do this.” </p><p>They hop out of the bus with the tour manager. I turn to Skye. </p><p>“Ready to go?” </p><p>She nods and we go to gather our equipment. </p><p>I check the time on my watch. <em>3:00. The boys will fuck around for a bit and then go in for sound check. </em> </p><p>I peek out the window and sure enough they’re already on their skateboards and scooters peeling around the parking lot and making the fans go wild. Skye and I step out of the bus and then, of course, all hell breaks loose.</p><p><em>They never cease to impress me by how loud they are. And stalker-y. </em>I push my sunglasses up my face and try to blend in with the rest of the crew. Skye does the same and tries to make her hair cover her face. We walk into the arena (today’s venue is in Seattle). Skye and I fan out and make sure that the rest of the crew has lighting and everything else set up. Soon enough, the boys tumble into the venue for their sound check. </p><p>“I’m readyyyy for my check!” Jack sings, running his scales perfectly. </p><p>Jonah rolls his eyes. </p><p>“Show off.” Zach mutters as he adjusts his mic. </p><p>Skye and I sit back in chairs and chill as the boys run through their songs. The crowd favorites, also mentioned in their book, “Bunga Bunga” and “Chicken Fried” they went through and then they just came up with dumb parodies to their songs using the first words that came to their minds. <strong>(A/N: I had to go through the book (in the limelight) tour schedule for all of this and found out they had songs they used like byeeee thats hilarious) </strong>Then, after that, they slipped back outside to hang out with the fans again. At 4:00, they come back inside for the meet and greet. Skye and I linger in the corners, taking pictures and chilling. After an hour, they clear out and the boys go out to where they take photos with over 200 fans. This is our time to shine and though it's chaotic, I enjoy it immensely. The boys treat their fans with such love and respect and it’s really nice to see them get the recognition and support they deserve from people all over the world. </p><p>“Let’s go, let’s go! C’mon!” Tyler directs with his microphone. </p><p>The band waves to the last of the fans and then turn into the tour bus. Skye and I head back in with them. </p><p>With a <em>click</em>, the door closes and every one lets out a singular breath at once. <em>Umph. </em></p><p>“I tired.” Zach sighs. </p><p>“We got a showwww to do!” Skye says, trying to hype him up. </p><p>I nod. “Remember the fans!” </p><p>Zach smiles happily. “They’re so amazing.” </p><p>“And so are you!” says Skye, tapping his nose. </p><p>Jack feigns vomiting and Jonah says, “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.” </p><p>Skye shrugs and pecks Zach on the cheek.  </p><p>Jack comes up behind me and grabs my waist. I jump, scared, and everyone laughs. </p><p>“That was the most adorable little squeal I’ve ever heard.” Jack laughs. </p><p>Corbyn let’s out a groan. “OKAY! All couples stop being so...couple-y. Or I swear I’m going to suffocate.” </p><p>Without even hesitating, Jack grabs me and starts to kiss me. </p><p>Jonah picks up a book (it was Harry Potter I found out later) and attempts to throw it at us, but is way off target. </p><p>I throw my head back, laughing, and see a flash of bright red disappearing by the window of the bus. </p><p>
  <em>Huh. That looked like a tour hoodie, but the crew is always wearing black. But it can’t be a fan...whatever maybe someone got cold and put it on. </em>
</p><p>I turn back to my friends and shake it off. </p><p>“Sav, what was there? You look confused.” Dani comments, coming out of his reverie with his Airpods in. </p><p>I shake my head and smile. “Nah, it was nothing.” </p><p>He gives me a weird look but then nods his head and puts his Airpods back in. </p><p>We chill in the bus for a bit and then head out to the parking lot and eat and just fool around. </p><p>“Boys! Get your butts to wardrobe now!” Tyler roars over the fans. </p><p>“Sir yes sir!” Jonah salutes. </p><p>Zach holds up a shhh sign and then scampers away and slips between security to go say hi to the fans. </p><p>They, of course, in true limelight style, make sure to welcome him heartily. </p><p>I smile, happy that he’s enjoying himself. (Tyler wasn’t as amused but it was fine).</p><p>The boys turn in and Skye goes along with them. </p><p>“Hey, Skye. Ima head back to the bus real fast, I feel a migraine coming and I need my meds.” I call. </p><p>She turns around, her face wrinkled in concern. “Are you good? I can go with you if you want.”</p><p>I shake my head. “Nah, it’s all good don’t worry about it.” </p><p>She nods and sets off with Zach. </p><p>I put in my Airpods and start off towards the bus. With a wave the security lets me into the parking lot and I trudge over to the bus. I slip behind a row of cars and exhale as I get out of the view of fans. (Don’t get me wrong you guys are great but it’s just a lot of people staring and it gets me anxious). </p><p>“Hey Sav!” </p><p>I turn, expecting to see someone from the crew. All I see is a flash of red, and then the world turns black.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I'm so excited for the next couple chapters ahaha. Much love x PS: notice the chapter POV might change sometimes from here on out!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Skye POV </strong>
</p><p>“Oh my god Zach, go!!!” I snicker, pushing him towards an impatient wardrobe stylist. </p><p>He laughs and waves behind his back as he gets carted off. I turn around, shaking my head and smiling. I glance down at my phone. <em>7:15. </em></p><p>“Running a little late but I'm sure Tyler will fix that real quick.” I mumble under my breath. </p><p>
  <em>Where’s Sav? I should probably go check on her, she should be back by now… </em>
</p><p>I get up and start towards the bus, intending to look for her, but before I start, someone calls me. </p><p>“Hey Skye! We need you to take some shots of the fans please!” </p><p>I nod and pick up my camera. </p><p>“Oh lord, please don’t kill me with these fans.” I mutter. </p><p>I walk towards the limelights who greet me with cheers and yelling. And..yeah there’s the hate too. There is, of course, the angels out in the crowd who stand up for me, but that doesn’t stop me from hearing the offensive things that some people throw out there. I take the pictures quickly, and then, it's almost time for the show. I walk back to the dressing rooms where the boys are chilling and watching as Eben walks on stage. He of course, opens like a pro. </p><p>“Hey, where’s Sav?” Daniel asks, tearing his eyes from the screen where there’s a view of Eben performing. </p><p>I frown. “Actually, I’m not sure, she should be back by now. She said she was grabbing some Advil but um..it’s been awhile.” </p><p>Jack shakes his head. “It’s probably fine, I texted her earlier when she was walking and she replied, maybe she just fell asleep. She does that a lot when she has migraines.” </p><p>I nod. “I can shoot by myself tonight I guess, but should we send someone to check on her?” </p><p>“Boys! You’re up! Go get ‘em!” Tyler calls. </p><p>The boys scramble and get together to pray. Then they quickly fly from the room to the stage. </p><p>“Skye! Opening is in 2 minutes!” </p><p>“Oh shit I gotta go!” I swear and grab my camera. </p><p>~~~ </p><p>“So why don’t we just love?” I mutter under my breath as I snap a pretty shot of Jonah smiling and singing. </p><p><em>Bzz. </em>I feel my phone buzz through my pants and frown. <em>There’s do not disturb on everyone but the boys, Sav, and Tyler...maybe Sav’s just checking in? </em> </p><p>I let go of my camera and let it hang around my neck to grab my phone. I frown. <em>What does Tyler want? </em></p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Skye!! 911! </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Skye answer me. </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Skye!!! </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>I frown, confused. </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Yo. What’s going on!? </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>We found Sav passed out covered in blood. Going to the hospital now. Meet us? </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>IS SHE OK!? </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>I think so, EMTs got her stabilized.</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Need to tell the boys tho. Do I wait or no until the show is over? </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Don’t wait. But put away the equipment. DON’T MAKE ANYTHING SEEM OUT OF THE ORDINARY. </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>“Oh my god.” I whisper. Tears start to form in my eyes but I shake my head. “Nope, gotta stay strong.” </p><p>I slip into the wing of the stage and as the boys finish up singing Why Don’t We Just, I motion Zach to come to the side. He holds up a finger and looks confused, but as soon as the song finishes and Corbyn begins to sing I Depend On You, Zach fakes losing his mic and comes over to me. </p><p>“Skye, as much as I love being with you, we’re doing a show!” he whispers. </p><p>“Tyler just texted me. Security found Sav by the bus covered in blood. The paramedics are here. I’m going to see her. Tell the other boys and whatever you do, don’t act like anything’s wrong. Finish the show.” I say quickly. </p><p>“I- ok.” Zach says, his eyes wide with surprise. He turns back and goes on stage to sing his part. </p><p>I turn and start disassembling the equipment as fast as I can. </p><p>Once Zach finishes singing, he whispers a few words in Jonah’s ear who audibly gasps but plays it off as a cough. </p><p>Jonah then pretends to tell a “joke” to Corbyn who fake laughs. Corbyn jumps on Jacks back for a piggyback ride, where he speaks quickly in his ear. Jack looks troubled but immediately covers it up with a smile. He begins to sing the chorus with and once he is finished he whispers something to Daniel, making it seem like a joke as well. Daniel, however, goes sheet white. <em>You’d think Jack would be the one to do that. Oh well, I guess his acting just isn’t great. </em>Daniel steps forward to sing his part, and I can see his hand shaking with the mic. </p><p>“<em>‘Cause I depend on you...When you need me just call me, I’ll be there...When you look over your shoulder, I’ll be there...You don’t ever-“ </em>his voice breaks before he can complete the verse and he shakes his head and walks very quickly off stage. </p><p>I hitch my purse up on my arm and turn to him, confused. </p><p>“Hey, what’s going on!? You were in the middle of a verse bud!” I say, mildly annoyed. </p><p>“I- Im going with you.” he gasps, pulling off his mic and grabbing a hoodie. </p><p>“Daniel! You have a show you need to get back out there!” I shake my head. </p><p>His eyes fill with desperation. “Please Skye! Just- please! I need to make sure she’s ok, I need to be there!” </p><p>“I- ok…” I sigh. “Let’s go then.” </p><p>“Any updates on her?” he demands. </p><p>“No, Tyler just told me they took her to the ER and that she was stabilized.” </p><p>His face is white as a sheet and he’s shaking like a leaf. </p><p>“Hey, are you ok?” I ask as we walk to the street where an uber is waiting. </p><p>He pulls his hood up. “I- yeah.” <strong>(A/N: ahaha is it just me or when a guy puts up his hood he's going through it? Like if the hoods up somethings wrong idk.)</strong></p><p>I raise my eyebrow. “Mhm.” </p><p>“It’s cold, that’s it.” he says, not convincingly at all. </p><p>”O...k” I say and we start driving.</p><p>
  <em>Oh god...the show. I wonder what happened. What did the boys say? Ohhhh no. I went against everything Tyler said. This has been such a bad day. God, Savannah better be ok. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Super excited about the next couple parts coming up...a little Daniel content is in your near future ;) Much love x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Savannah POV</strong>
</p><p>“C’mon, Sav, wake up.” </p><p>Everything’s black and I can’t see the voice. </p><p>“Please, God, just- please.” </p><p>Then it all clicks, and I wake with a gasp. </p><p>“Sav. Oh my god. Finally.” Daniel sighs, looking like a huge weight has just been taken off his shoulders. </p><p>I immediately get up and tackle him with a hug which he tightly returns.</p><p>I wince. “I probably shouldn’t have done that, owww.” </p><p>He laughs softly. “Don’t scare me like this next time, I was so worried.” </p><p>I lay back down but don’t let him go. </p><p>“What day is it? What happened?” </p><p>“It’s the 20th. The show was yesterday. I left the show. I had to go see you and make sure you were ok. Everything went into chaos after that. They said I was sick.” he explains. </p><p>I shake my head. “You didn’t have to do that, really.” </p><p>He nods. “You’re one of the most important people on this earth to me, trust me I did.” </p><p>“What do the limelights think?” I ask fearfully. </p><p>He shakes his head. “Well...they’ve got a lot of theories and some of them..not so pretty.” </p><p>I sigh and bury my head in my hands. “God, they already hate me for Jo…” </p><p>“We’ll release a statement or something, especially if someone did this to you.” Skye says, walking into the room. </p><p>“Skye!” I squeal, happy to see her. </p><p>“Are you good?” she asks, overjoyed to see I’m awake. </p><p>She yanks me from Dani’s arms to give me a hug. I return it and she let’s go and I fall back again on Daniel. </p><p>He pulls me close to him. “What happened, Sav? Didn’t you have a migraine?” </p><p>I nod. “I- I don’t even know how to explain it.”  </p><p>Daniel looks down at me his soft blue eyes filled with comfort. “It’s going to be alright. The boys are coming over right now, Tyler’s gone out to wait for them. They visited last night too. Just wait until then to explain. We’ll be alright.” <strong>(A/N ok sorry but anyone catch the Harry Styles reference?! Hehe I’ll go now.) </strong></p><p>I exhale softly and relax into his arms. <em>I’m safe. It’s ok. </em></p><p>“Daniel?” I ask. </p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Thank you for being here. Even though it messed up the whole show.” </p><p>He hums back in response and just tightens his grip around me. </p><p>“You too, Skye. Best sister I could ever ask for.” I smile up at her. </p><p>She nods back, and I can tell she’s relieved. </p><p>“How long have you guys been here?” </p><p>Skye sighs. “I left last night at maybe 3? I tried to get that one to leave too,” she says pointing at Daniel. “but he refused to leave. Came back first thing in the morning.” </p><p>I glance up at Daniel. He smiles peacefully down at me. </p><p>“You didn’t need to do that, really.” </p><p>He shrugs. “I wanted to make sure you were ok.” </p><p>We sit in silence, comfortable silence, for about 10 minutes, in our own heads, thinking our own thoughts. </p><p>“Savannah!” Jack says sharply, running into the room. </p><p>Daniel loosens his grip and then slips away from me. Jack attacks me with hugs and kisses. I wince, because my face was still sensitive, but sit through it. </p><p>All of the sudden I hear a large crash. </p><p>“Sorry.” Daniel mutters. </p><p>He broke a vase. <em>Haha he doesn’t look very sorry but it saves me from being hurt more I guess. I just didn’t want to stop Jack because, well, yeah. And it would be awkward. Who doesn’t love kisses? </em></p><p>Tyler waves him off. “We can take care of it later. But right now, Savannah, what happened?” </p><p>I take a deep breath. Jack squeezes my hand and I lean against him. </p><p>“Well, like I told Skye, I was walking back to the bus for some of my meds because I felt a migraine coming on. Right before I made it in there though, someone called out my name. Then I passed out, looks like they hit my head or something happened when I fell.” </p><p>Tyler nods. “Yeah, you received 8 stitches to your forehead.” </p><p>I wrinkle my nose. <em>Ugh that’s gonna leave a scar. </em></p><p>“You look beautiful, don’t worry about it.” Skye says reassuringly. </p><p>I sigh. “Anyways, afterwards, I woke up in the parking lot on the ground. There…there was a note, covered in my blood from my head. I tried to get up but when I managed to get upright I passed out. Stupid anemia. I was just lucky the crew was passing by so they saw me, otherwise who knows how long I would’ve stayed there.” </p><p>
  <em>I hate being iron deficient. Lose too much blood and of course I pass out. And the migraines that come with it are awful. </em>
</p><p>“Ok, is there anything you can remember to describe the perp?” Tyler asks. </p><p>“Umm...they were wearing a red hoodie?” I say. “I’m sorry, I didn’t really get a good look at their face. It could be pretty much anyone that was at the concert.” </p><p>“There’s not any security cams in the lot either…” Tyler mutters. “And then, of course, what’s the MO?” </p><p>Everyone turns to him. I raise my brow and he looks up. </p><p>“What? I watch a lot of crime shows, ok?” he says defensively. </p><p>I laugh. “Criminal Minds, am I right?” </p><p>He shakes his head. “Ugh, no. Try Chicago PD. So much better than that trash.” </p><p>Daniel gasps. “Um, don’t get me wrong, Chicago PD is great, but Criminal Minds is sooo good.” <strong>(A/N: I have no clue if either of them actually like these shows or anything but I loveee crime shows)</strong></p><p>I laugh. “When we get back, you and I are watching every single season, Dani.” </p><p>He nods, cracking a smile for the first time in forever. </p><p>Tyler chuckles and shakes his head. “Well, Sav, you’ll have to take a trip down to the station for questioning so we can find this person and maybe figure out why they did this but for now, we need to come up with a cover story.” </p><p>Daniel shrugs. “Easy. I’ll post on my story an apology; I got sick, like what the boys said. We can say Sav was sick too if anyone noticed she left.” </p><p>“Of course, it’s not going to stop everything, but it should cover it up alright.” Skye pipes up. </p><p>I shake my head. “I’m just confused why someone would do that to me. I mean I guess something with Jonah, but that was awhile ago and everyone knows by now he and Tate are together.” </p><p>Jack shrugs. “Who knows, maybe someone just did this as a joke. Limelights can be...very dedicated sometimes. I’m sure one got over excited and saw you and was jealous or something. It’s bound to happen.”</p><p>
  <em>I’m in the hospital because of it, though.</em>
</p><p>Jonah frowns. “Joke or not, it hurt Savannah seriously, which is <em>not </em>ok.” </p><p>“Yeah, I agree with that, but it’s not like we can do anything about it. Who knows where the fan is by now. Maybe it’s just best to let it go. The fans probably just got out of control. It's fine.” Jack fires back. </p><p>“It’s not fine, and besides.That doesn’t mean we can’t find them. There’s street cameras and if they weren’t careful, we can get a picture.” Daniel says, not losing hope.</p><p>“This is what fame is. You guys need to grow up and accept that this is what happens now.” Jack says, annoyed. </p><p>
  <em>But I’m hurt...</em>
</p><p>“Moral of the story, we need to get down to the police station as soon as Sav is free to go.” Tyler cuts in.</p><p>“We have a show soon, though. Is she going to be good by then? I mean, it isn’t too far, maybe she could catch up to us?” Zach asks, concern lining his face. He and Skye are curled up on a chair, and looking around the room, I can see how the day has taken a toll on all of them. </p><p>“Don’t worry about it. I’ll drive over.” I say firmly. </p><p>“Do you want me to go with you?” asks Skye.</p><p>“No, you should stay with the boys. We need at least one of us to continue doing our jobs. Keep on documenting the tour. I might be hurt but that isn’t going to change anything.”</p><p>Tyler nods his head. “Are you sure you don’t want anyone to stay with you? We have a show in two days so not as much rush. Just get down to the station and into the next state, that’s all that matters.” </p><p>“I- umm..” I say, clueless about who to choose. <em>Naturally I would pick Jack, but I’m still kind of hurt that he brushed this whole thing off. </em></p><p>“Do you want me to go with you?” Daniel asks softly, seeing my indecisiveness about Jack. </p><p>I nod shyly. Jack looks down at me, looking surprised. </p><p>“Zach, it’s you and me buddy, just like the old times before the girls.” </p><p>He lets go of my hand and slings his arm around Zach’s shoulders. Zach looks mildly confused for a second but lets Jack pull him out of the room. </p><p>“Ummm...ok then.” Jonah mutters. </p><p>I sigh. “What just happened?” </p><p>
  <em>Great. Now he’s probably going to ice me out and be really upset. But he still said that and I’m kind of hurt.</em>
</p><p>Tyler smiles tiredly. “Don’t worry about it, just get some rest. I’ll go get Daniel settled in a hotel with some security.”</p><p>I nod. “Um, when can I be discharged? I hate hospitals. Needles...aren’t my thing.” </p><p>Saying this reminds me of the IV in my arm and I almost pass out in fear. (<strong>A/N I have the worst fear of needles and pass out because of them, I’m not exaggerating😂)</strong></p><p>“They wanted you here tonight but I think I can pull some strings to get you out.” Tyler mentions.</p><p>I smile up at Daniel. “Bestie sleepover?” </p><p>He laughs. “Of course.”     </p><p>Twenty minutes later, Daniel walks with me out of the hospital. </p><p>“How do you feel?” he asks as we walk towards a hotel. </p><p>I shrug. “I’m alright, just confused and tired. I mean, I get that sometimes fans get out of control but like. Still.” </p><p>Daniel sighs. “I dunno. Sometimes people do some messed up stuff in the world. We don’t know what they’re dealing with, what’s going on in their lives. Of course, that doesn’t make it alright for <em>anyone </em>to hurt you. Or haha anyone else. But it’s hard to find a true reason for some things. It might just be a crazed fan, or it could be something more, someone just picking you at random to rob. Maybe it’s a fan that wants to be closer to us...even though that’s a really bad way to. Or maybe they want to be acknowledged. Moral of the story, there’s <em>a lot </em><strong>(A/N: and when he says a lot, he means A LOT! hehe ok bye) </strong>of different reasons. The best we can do at this point is file the police report and you focus on recovering. It might not be fine, but after we’ve done everything we can, it’s time to just focus on getting better and leave our fate in the hands of God, where it will be just fine. Everything happens for a reason.” </p><p>I stop and stare at him. “Since when did you start spouting these deep words?” </p><p>He laughs and shakes his head. “I’m just saying what I think.” </p><p>“Well I think I’ll take your advice.” I say. </p><p>Tyler’s waiting at the hotel with keys and Dani’s and my stuff. </p><p>“Clothes for the next couple days, rental car, and some food. God, why am I doing this.” he says looking up at the sky. “Pray for me.” </p><p>Daniel laughs. “You’ll be fineee. And so will we. I’ll take her down to the station tonight and then after, we can grab some food.” </p><p>Tyler nods and surprisingly, hugs both of us. “Hey, take care of each other. You both deserve the night off. I’ll try to talk down Jack, not sure what got into him. Stay safe, there’s security at the hotel.” </p><p>We nod and wave as he goes back to the bus.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sadly this is the end of this little Daniel crusade and then we go back to the drama!! Don't worry, some big things coming up...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ready to go?” I ask Daniel. </p><p>“Saddle up partner, it’s gonna be a longgg night.” he responds in an <em>awful </em>country accent. </p><p>“Oh my gosh, never talk like that again.” I say laughing. </p><p>We climb up the stairs and drop off our stuff. </p><p>Daniel flops down on one of the queen beds. </p><p>“Ah...I could get used to this. This is 1000 times better than beds on tour.” </p><p>I run up to him and poke his ribs. </p><p>“Ow!!!” he groans, surprised.</p><p>I burst out laughing. </p><p>“I’m gonna get you back for that.” he says, getting up. </p><p>“Ohhh no. Bye!!!” I squeak and run towards the bathroom. </p><p>I lock the door behind me and giggle when Daniel swears outside the door. </p><p>“Ugh, I'll get you back when you have nooo idea.” he says evilly. </p><p>I laugh it off and take a very, very refreshing shower. When I walk out of the bathroom, Daniel jumps off the bed and throws me over his shoulder.</p><p>“Let goooo!” I squeal. </p><p>He laughs, a deep, rumbling laugh that sends vibrations through his chest. Then he proceeds to plop me onto the ground. </p><p>“Owwww. You could’ve at least dropped me on the bed!” </p><p>He shrugs. “You said let go, so I did.” </p><p>I shake my head, smiling, and climb onto the bed. “Go take a shower so we can get going to the station over. And then we can get foodddd. I’m hungry.” </p><p>He nods. “Yeah, I need to get the hospital smell off.” </p><p>I wrinkle my nose. “Oh no, do I smell like hospital?” </p><p>He laughs. “No, a very nice medley of mint and roses. Tyler has a nice pick of amenities.” </p><p>I smile. “Oh, good.” </p><p>He disappears into the shower and comes out about 10 minutes later. </p><p>I glance up and then immediately double take at him walking out with just a towel.</p><p>“Where’s your clothes, dumbass?” </p><p>“Yeahhh...I forgot them so now I'm getting them.” </p><p>He walks out of the doorway, running another towel through his blonde hair, and begins rooting through his suitcase. </p><p>“Hey, what do you say we go to a nice dinner tonight?” he turns to me. </p><p>I shrug. “Yeah, sure that would be nice. Lemme change, hopefully Tyler’s style choices precede him.” </p><p>Dani shakes his head. “No, don’t worry, I told Skye to put something nice in there. She got your clothes.” </p><p>I throw back my head and laugh. “Did you plan this, Mr. Seavey?”</p><p>He scratches his neck, looking shy. “Well, you needed a night off. We’re gonna go out.” </p><p>I smile cheerfully at him. “Yay, thank you.” </p><p>“As friends, of course.” he adds quickly. </p><p>I nod and shoo him out of the bathroom. “Get ready out here, I’m using the bathroom now. We can drop by the station and then go somewhere.” </p><p>I put on a little makeup and pin my hair back into a pretty half up half down style. I slip into a light blue dress. Then, I get my purse and step out the door. </p><p>“Ready to go?” I ask.</p><p>Daniel’s standing at the mirror fidgeting with his button down shirt in a matching hue as my dress. He jumps and turns around to face me. </p><p>“I- yeah.” He smiles softly. “You look beautiful.” </p><p>“Not to shabby yourself, bestie.” I say, grinning up at him. </p><p>We walk out of the hotel and slide into the white jeep rental that Tyler arranged for us. <strong>(A/N: Sorry I’m all about aesthetic here, so just imagine a pretty little country town) </strong></p><p>“Hi, my name is Savannah Sailor? I’m here on account of the assault last night.” I say, walking up to the reception. </p><p>The man nods. “We’ve been expecting you. Right this way.” </p><p>I follow them back into a room with Daniel and they ask me questions about the attack from what I can remember. 45 minutes later, we’re ready to go. </p><p>“Alright, Ms. Sailor. We’ll let you know as soon as anything develops on the case.” an officer says, ushering Daniel and I out. </p><p>I nod. “Thank you so much and I’m sorry I can’t remember anything else.” </p><p>We shake her hand and then go out to the car. </p><p>“All right Sunshine, where to?” he says, using the nickname I hate. </p><p>I groan. “Gosh, I hate you.” </p><p>“Why, it’s the best nickname ever!” he scoffs.</p><p>I smile fondly, thinking back to the time I earned the awful name.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>“Good morning!” Daniel sings, performing a run with his voice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pull the curtain of my bunk tighter and roll away from him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He yanks it open and pulls the blinds in the bunk room. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“DANIEL JAMES SEAVEY!” I scream at the top of my lungs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What?” he says, his eyes full of mischief. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I was sleeping. Rule number 1. No one wakes me up when I’m sleeping. No. One.” I growl, rubbing my eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He shrugs. “It’s 10:00, so get up and at ‘em Sunshine.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I fake vomit. “Never call me that again!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He smiles evilly. “Mhm, ok.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He then proceeds to grab me and start running down the bus. When he pauses to unlock the door, I start to smack him on the back, but it doesn’t hinder him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Let me go!!” I yell. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, nah.” He says, and carries me outside. “I don’t know about you, but right about now seems like a great time to take a swimmmm!!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He doesn’t even take my clothes off, just throws me into the lake we parked near the night before. Right after, he strips off his shirt and jumps in as well. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I hate you.” I sniffle, my teeth chattering. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He swims over to me smiling. “You know you love meeee.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I try to swim away but he gathers me in a hug. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Morning Sunshine.” he whispers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I grab his head and hold him underwater for a solid twenty seconds. When he comes back up, coughing and sputtering, I smile sarcastically. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sav! What the fuck!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Morning Dani.” </em>
</p><hr/><p>“I’m never gonna forgive you for that time.” Daniel says, following my train of thought. </p><p>I burst out laughing. “You just learned the hard way why to not wake me up.” </p><p>He shakes his head and we drive to this adorable little dinner cafe with string lights and a cobblestone pavilion outside. </p><p>“We’re definitely sitting outside.” I announce, sliding out of the car. </p><p>We walk towards the hostess. </p><p>“Hey, table for two please?” Daniel asks politely. </p><p>She smiles cheerfully and directs us to a table. </p><p>Daniel slides back the chair for me and then pushes me in towards the table. </p><p>“Wow, such a gentleman, Mr. Seavey.” I laugh. </p><p>He rolls his eyes and picks up his menu. </p><p>A waiter comes over. </p><p>“Hello, welcome to the restaurant! You two make a lovely couple.” he gushes.</p><p>I look down at my empty plate, embarrassed. </p><p>“Oh, um, actually, we’re just best friends. She has a boyfriend.” Daniel laughs awkwardly. </p><p>The waiter arches his eyebrow. “Ah of course.”</p><p>“So, what’s good here?” I ask, changing the subject. </p><p>The waiter laughs at my red cheeks. </p><p>“We have a special lobster surf n turf. It’s a lobster tail over a filet mignon.” </p><p>Daniel tilts his head, looking thoughtful. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m down for that.”</p><p>I nod. “I’ll have that too.” </p><p>He writes it down on his pad and disappears back inside. </p><p>“God, it’s been a long day.” Daniel sighs, burying his his head in his hands.</p><p>I frown slightly, guilt coursing though me. <em>Oh my god I'm so dumb he's been awake for forever! We shouldn't have done this.</em> “I’m so sorry Daniel, you should get some rest.” </p><p>He looks up, mildly panicked. “No, no, it’s not your fault. I wanted to be there for you and at the hospital. Besides, it’s not like I would’ve slept anyways.” </p><p>“Why’s that?” I ask.</p><p>He shrugs. “Thinking. Worrying. Or making music. If I think of an idea, sometimes I can’t sleep until I strum it out.” </p><p>I nod thoughtfully. “That’s kinda cool. But sucks too.” </p><p>He shrugs. “Yeah, but mostly I don’t like sleeping because then my worries turn into bad dreams.” </p><p>“Well that’s not good.” I say. </p><p>“Yeah, but I’m used to it. When I wake up sometimes I find new ideas for songs out of it.” he responds.</p><p>“Monsieur, Mademoiselle. Your food.” </p><p>The waiter walks to our table with beautifully plated food that smells <em>delicious</em>. </p><p>I smile at him in thanks and pick up my fork and immediately start to dig in. </p><p>“This. Is. Amazing.” I moan, stuffing my face. </p><p>Daniel laughs. “You’re gonna throw up from eating so fast.” </p><p>“Best restaurant ever!!!” Daniel sings 45 minutes later. </p><p>“You have chocolate on your mouth.” I laugh. </p><p>He sticks out his tongue and tries to get it but misses completely. </p><p>“Come here.” I chide. </p><p>I reach up and use my thumb to wipe it away at the corner of his mouth.</p><p>“You’re so tall, oh my god.” I sigh, standing on my tip toes. </p><p>“I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not. Short ass.” he laughs. </p><p>I roll my eyes. “That chocolate cake was amazing.” </p><p>He nods and we head back out to the car. </p><p>“I’m thinking...movie?” </p><p>I clap my hands excitedly. “Criminal Minds!!!” </p><p>He throws his head back and laughs. “Yes, Criminal Minds.”</p><hr/><p>We pull up to the hotel and while I pop some popcorn in the microwave, Daniel changes into PJs in the bathroom. I slip in after he’s done and change out of the pretty blue dress and remove my makeup. I throw my hair into a messy bun and get my favorite t-shirt. It’s a Cold In LA t-shirt, a very very over large one. Obviously Skye pulled from the Why Don’t We section of my closet because my shorts also feature the Why Don’t We logo. </p><p>
  <em>Not that I mind. Gotta represent! </em>
</p><p>I walk out of the bathroom and then run and jump onto the bed...right onto Daniels legs. </p><p>“Ow…” I groan. </p><p>“That hurtt.” Daniel says as well. </p><p>I scoot over and steal all the blankets on the bed. </p><p>Daniel turns towards me and laughs. “Now that’s the Sav I know.” </p><p>I raise a brow. <em>Oh no does he think I look horrible in sweats? He can’t he’s my best friend, he’s seen me like this so many times before.</em></p><p>Daniel looks mildly panicked for a second and then I start laughing. </p><p>His face relaxes. “No, I’m just saying I like it when you don’t have any makeup or anything on. It’s all-natural.” </p><p>I nod. “Yeah, but I guess I feel like I always gotta wear something because I’m under a lot of scrutiny from people. And after all the hate that I’m getting it just makes me want to be even more perfect so that I can...I don’t know.” </p><p>“You want to show them you’re worth it.” Daniel fills in, his blue eyes filled with sadness. “I get it. I feel like that too. But honestly the thing I’ve been learning the past few months is that as long as you’re happy, people can’t say that you’re not successful, or that you’re not worth it. Because it’s your happiness that matters, and it’s only your happiness that should affect your mindset. Your happiness is your success.” <strong>(A/N: YOUR HAPPINESS IS YOUR SUCCESS. IF YOU'RE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU'RE DOING, NOBODY CAN TELL YOU YOU'RE NOT SUCCESSFUL. Don't let anyone tell you different. Guys Harry Styles is my therapy at this point. Just don't question it :) ) </strong></p><p>I sit back against the headboard, once again astounded. </p><p>“You did it again!” </p><p>“What?” he asks. </p><p>I smile. “You do this thing where you just get sweet and relatable and nice and insightful.”</p><p>“Deep sayings with Daniel Seavey.” Daniel laughs. </p><p>I scoot back towards him and we settle in with some popcorn. </p><p>“Let’s watch the one with Reid on the train!!!” I squeal. </p><p>He rolls his eyes. “You just like looking at Reid, not even the actual episode.” </p><p>“Whatttt no!” I deny, but smile because it’s <em>totally </em>true. <strong>(A/N: Matthew Gray Gubler is everything don't tell me differently)</strong></p><p>“Fine, we can watch that one.” he shakes his head. </p><p>We binge watch through the rest of the season and are just making our way into season 2 when Daniel starts to nod off. </p><p>
  <em>I don’t blame him, he’s been up for who knows how long. </em>
</p><p>I continue watching the show until around 2 in the morning, but pay more attention to Dani. His head slowly falls down lower and lower until he’s resting peacefully in my lap. </p><p>I brush his beautiful hair out of his face. </p><p>
  <em>He needs a haircut haha. </em>
</p><p>I settle back and watch another episode before starting to feel pretty sleepy. Daniel is fast asleep in my lap, very still. </p><p>“How do I get him off me, oh no.” I giggle quietly to myself. </p><p>I gently slide off the bed and lay his head back on a pillow. Shrugging off one of my beloved blankets, I gently cover him with it. A small smile is on his face. </p><p>“Goodnight Dani, sweet dreams.” I whisper. </p><p>I walk over to the lamp and switch it off. </p><p>I give Daniel a light kiss on the forehead and I hear him sigh softly in his sleep. </p><p>
  <em>It’s good he’s sleeping, he needs it. </em>
</p><p>I slip into the other queen bed in the room and snuggle into my blankets before falling asleep.</p><hr/><p>“Morning Sunshine.” I hear Daniel sing. </p><p>I flip over onto my other side and groggily say, “You know what, this time I’ll let it pass.” </p><p>He laughs and carries a plate of food to my bed. </p><p>“I called for room service to bring us some food. Breakfast in bed?” he asks. </p><p>I nod my head and my mouth waters looking at the steaming pancakes he uncovered. </p><p>“Wow, this hotel actually has decent food!” </p><p>He nods and plops down next to me, scrolling through his phone and drinking some orange juice. </p><p>“Tyler wants us to get going soon so we can make it there by around 1.” </p><p>“Road trip!!” I laugh. “I’m picking music.” </p><p>He groans. “I swear if it’s all One Direction and Shawn Mendes I might cry.” </p><p>I scoff. “You loveee Shawn and I know for a fact you like Harry Styles.” </p><p>He shrugs. “And Zayn too.” </p><p>I sigh dreamily. “Zayn Malik is a god.” </p><p>“And you know, that cool guy Daniel Seavey? He’s pretty cool too.” Daniel says, looking sly. </p><p>“Oh my gosh, Daniel is like my best friend. The sweetest guy ever. I love him to death. Never gives up on me and is always there when I need him. I trust him the most out of everyone in this planet, well besides Sk-“ I start to say, not thinking. </p><p>Daniel looks at me. “You meant that?” </p><p>“I- well yeah. I didn’t catch the sarcasm I guess haha.” I laugh, but it’s true. <em>I do trust him so so much. The only person I trust more is Skye. And well, Zack. </em></p><p>“Well, thanks. And you’re my favorite person to be around sooo.” Daniel says, looking thoughtful.</p><p>I hop out of bed. “Well, Mr. Seavey. I think we should begin our wonderful adventure into our next tour stop.” </p><p>“Oh man...I am SORE!!” I groan tumbling back onto the bed. </p><p>His face hovers over mine, “Are you ok?!”</p><p>I roll my eyes. “I forgot to take my supplement last night I just got up to fast, don't worryyy.” </p><p>He sighs, “Whatever you say, just no dying on my watch. And you better take that supplement." </p><p>He gets up too and we quickly pack up our stuff. I change into a cute romper that Skye also picked out from my closet. While he checks out, I browse the snacks in the hotel lobby. After a little looking, I grab a couple bags of takis, some soda, and some fruit for good measure. I dump them onto the counter where they are checking out. The receptionist smiles bemusedly at me and scans them all. </p><p>“Road trip?” she asks, a smile still on her face. </p><p>I nod cheerfully. </p><p>“Oh you got watermelon!” Daniel cheers.</p><p>“Tastes like strawberries, on a summer evening..” I start to sing, as the receptionist gathers our receipts.</p><p>The receptionist hands me our stuff. </p><p>“Have a lovely trip, Mr. and Mrs. Seavey.” she says as we step away. </p><p>“Oh um-“ I start right when Daniel says “We’re not-“ </p><p>We break off and stare at each other, blushing. </p><p>“I’m sorry?” the receptionist asks, looking confused. </p><p>I smile at her and think up a quick white lie. “Oh nothing. Daniel just forgot to give you the keys to our room.” </p><p>I grab them out of his pocket and place them on the desk before we make a beeline out of the hotel. </p><p>“That was awkwarddd.” I groan as Daniel and I get into the Jeep. </p><p>He shakes his head, laughing. “It’s been a theme with this town the whole stay.” </p><p>I connect my phone to the Jeep and blast the first song that’s on my playlist. Both me and Daniel have sunglasses on and are cruising in a white Jeep. </p><p>“We look <em>sooo </em>basic right now, oh my god.” Daniel groans. </p><p>I laugh. “Yes, we love!” </p><p>Daniel rolls down the windows as we pull onto the highway. I start to sing obnoxiously.</p><p>“<em>When I’m fat and oldddd, </em></p><p>
  <em>and my kids think i’m a joke, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>cuz I move a little slow </em>
</p><p><em>when I danceeee</em>”<strong> (A/N: haha I actually used the first song that came on in my playlist so enjoy some quality One Direction!!!) </strong></p><p>Daniel laughs. “It’s gonna be a longgg drive, isn’t it?” </p><p>I throw my hands up and look towards the sky, a big smile spreading on my face. </p><p>“I love the countryside.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hey, hope you're well :) Today's the day we start the agonizingly long road out of Jack's territory. It'll be interesting, I'll promise you that. Much love x</p><p>DISCLAIMER: As we start into this part of the story some of the topics will be controversial. I just want to say that I do NOT believe at all that Jack would do/say any of the things that will start happening in the story. Please don't hate. If you don't like the storyline, then stop reading. </p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>We pull into the bands parking lot at the venue right at 1ish.</p><p>“I will FIGHT you!!” I yell, laughing. “Zayn Malik belongs in One Direction, end of story!! Yes, he’s a good solo artist, but he’s just as good with the band!” </p><p>“Come at me, girl!” Daniel says as we get out of the car. He holds his arms open so I run up to him and start punching his chest as hard as I can. </p><p>He starts to laugh. “You have the force of a pillow. I’ll have to teach you how to box. But for now…” </p><p>He trails off only to throw me over his shoulder yet again like a linebacker. </p><p>“Daniel!!” I scream cheerfully. </p><p>He starts to run towards the tour bus, chuckling all the while. </p><p>“Sav!!” Skye squeals as soon as she sees me and Daniel. </p><p>I wave, my face looking red like a tomato from being upside down for so long. </p><p>The rest of the boys walk into the room, and seeing them, I plea for help. </p><p>“Help meeee!” I yell, laughing. </p><p>Jonah, Zach, and Corbyn burst out laughing. </p><p>“You look like a tomato!” Zach snickers. </p><p>Daniel finally gives in, placing me gently onto the floor. </p><p>“Mean bean.” I pout and smack him on the back of his head. </p><p>“Having fun?” I hear a voice say from behind me. </p><p>I turn around and see Jack. </p><p>“Jacky!” I yell excitedly and throw my arms around him. </p><p>He hugs me back, barely. </p><p>I frown slightly but let it go.</p><p>“I don’t know about you Sav, but I feel disgusting after that trip. I'ma shower, be back soon.” Daniel says, disappearing into the bunks. <strong>(A/N: I know they don’t use the shower in the tour bus irl, but I’m letting it slide in this.) </strong></p><p>I nod. “Yeah, me too.” </p><p>I walk back to my bunk and get a new set of underthings and my amenities. I wait a bit by scrolling through Instagram and then get up and knock on the door where the shower is running. </p><p>“Daniel!!! Open the doorrrr. I need to shower!” I yell. </p><p>“Patience is a virtue!” he yells back. </p><p>“I don’t care! You can make yourself look pretty in wardrobe later! Let me innn!” I shriek. </p><p>“Wow, so I don’t look pretty normally?” Daniel asks, opening the door with just a towel wrapped around his waist. Water’s still dripping from his blonde hair and he doesn't bother to cover anything up. </p><p>I immediately start to blush. “I- no? Yes! Wait. I don’t know!!!” </p><p>He shakes his head and starts to laugh. He leans down and puts his mouth right next to my ear. </p><p>“The bathroom is all yours.” he whispers. </p><p>“Th- Thanks.” I stammer and then flee into the bathroom for a shower. </p><p>After a refreshing shower I head back to the bunks and boot up my laptop to go through pictures. I also get my camera cleaned and ready to go for the show. </p><p>“Knock knock.” Jack says drily, knocking on the wood to the side of my bunk. </p><p>“Hey, I missed you!” I smile. </p><p>He looks back at me, smiling, but it looks forced. “Can we talk?” </p><p>I scoot over. “Yeah, what’s up?” </p><p>“We need to talk about this...this thing that’s going on between you and Daniel.” he says. </p><p>My face wrinkles in confusion. “What? What do you mean?” </p><p>He looks frustrated. “I’ve seen how you guys act around each other. So...touchy. You always refuse to do anything around him. Why do you care so much about it?” </p><p>I frown. “Jack, I’m just trying to be polite. He seems uncomfortable if we show any PDA around him and I noticed that. I was just trying to make him happy.” </p><p>Jack groans, frustrated. “No it’s not that, it’s just that whenever he’s around I can’t do anything with you. And if it makes him uncomfortable, then somethings wrong. The only reason he’d be uncomfortable would be because he likes you. And I know you may not think that, but somethings wrong.” </p><p>My mouth drops open.</p><p>“Jack why would you- “ Jonah says, appearing by the side of my bunk. </p><p>“Out! Jonah, get out!” he roars and Jonah glances at me once before quickly exiting the room. </p><p>“Jack, I cant believe you’d ever think that!” I say, furious. </p><p>“See, you can’t even deny it! You know it’s true and you’re just encouraging him!” Jack says scathingly. </p><p>“I’m not trying to do anything like that. We’re just friends! Sometimes people just don’t like PDA. It’s completely normal. You’re a fucking idiot for ever thinking I would do something like that!” I yell. </p><p>“See, and now you’re defending him.” he hisses. </p><p>I get up and grab my sunglasses and camera. </p><p>“We’re done talking about this right now. Maybe you should rethink what you said.” I say shaking my head. </p><p>“No, I know what I said is true. So figure something out because this isn’t going to work.” he fires back. </p><p>“Oh my god, I can’t believe this.” </p><p>I walk out of the room quickly and push on the sunglasses. </p><p>“Sav! Wait!” Daniel yells to my back the second I step out of the bus. </p><p>I quicken my pace and try to hide a sniffle. <em>Where do I go? </em></p><p>In the end, I decide to hole up in one of the arena seats on the top floor. I put in my Airpods and make myself not visible from the stage. Soon enough, the boys start their sound check so I scoot out of the arena and chill backstage while they do Limelight. I eventually resurface on the earth for pictures, however. I don’t make eye contact with any of the boys and only speak to Skye. </p><p>“Hey, what’s going on? You’ve been missing all afternoon.” Skye says, snapping a cute shot of an overwhelmed toddler who the boys are taking pictures with. </p><p>“Nothing, I’m good.” I say, prepping a lens to be switched out. </p><p>Skye turns towards me, brow raised. “That's <em>definitely </em>not true.”</p><p>I hide my face with my hair. “We had a fight. About Daniel. Jack said that Daniel likes me. I got mad and left.” </p><p>Skye looks confused. “What? No, he couldn’t. Right?” </p><p>I sigh and just continue taking pictures. Once the show is finished I return into my bunks and pull the curtains shut, making it look like I was sleeping. That’s a rule on the bus after the Sunshine ficaso. No opening the curtain. If the curtain is drawn then the person doesn’t want to be disturbed. So, even though I found out later that Daniel sat all night across from my bunk hoping I would come out, no one bothered me.</p><hr/><p>And so that’s what most of the rest of tour looked like. I withdrew from everyone, including my own sister. I stayed in my relationship with Jack after he grudgingly apologized, but my anxiety increased ten fold at concerts and in meet and greets where we all had to act like we were all getting along perfectly and nothing was wrong. Things became strained between us. I never felt up to do anything with him and the world started to feel more and more helpless. Then the rumors started, and that’s when everything came undone. </p><p>~~~</p><p>“Sav!” “Omg! Look there they are!” “Ahhhhh!” “I LOVE YOU GUYS” </p><p>“They really do be going hard today.” I mutter under my breath to myself. </p><p>I slip my hood up and scurry inside to the room where we get to chill in before sound check and meet n greet. </p><p>I curl up in a corner and put in my airpods. By this point nobody comes up to try and talk to me. <em>It’s better this way. I’m not hurting anyone or making anyone mad. Everything is perfect. And I don’t need anything I'm doing great.</em></p><p>I scroll on Instagram, smiling at the beautiful edits that occasionally pop up on my explore page. </p><p>My brow furrows, however, upon seeing a Why Don’t We tea Instagram page. </p><p>“<em>Can I go where you go?</em></p><p>
  <em>Can we always be this close forever and ever?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And ah, take me out, and take me home</em>
</p><p><em>You're my, my, my, my lover</em>” </p><p>Taylor’s beautiful voice blasts in my airpods and smile softly at some pretty pictures of Jack. Since it is a tea page for couples, I expect to see  pictures of me or Jack and I together.</p><p>
  <em>Uhhhh...whose this? </em>
</p><p>“Huh.” I whisper into the silence of the room. </p><p>
  <em>Gabbie? I’m really confused I’ve met her like once. </em>
</p><p>I look through the hashtags of the post and find one that says #jabbie. After searching it on my Instagram page, I’m surprised to find several posts of them together and conspiracy theories about...things going on between them. My heart begins to race as I search through account after account, unearthing more and more rumors. I start to sweat and choke, quickly realizing my anxiety is turning up. I reach blindly for an Advil, anything to calm me down. <strong>(A/N: please don’t use this as advice if you ever find yourself having a panic attack! This is just something that works for me that my doctors approved as I run a fever when I get too anxious and start to have stomach issues)</strong></p><p>My whole body is shaking like a leaf and I start to uncontrollably cry. I cover my mouth so no one can hear. I place my head between my legs and try to practice breathing techniques to calm me down.  <em>In for 7, hold for 4, out for 8. In for 7, hold for 4, out for 8...</em></p><p>“We need to talk.” Jack says loudly entering the room. </p><p>His eyes soften as he realizes what's happening and he immediately sinks to the floor beside me. He holds me close, trying to slow my heartbeat.</p><p>“What’s wrong Sav?” he murmurs.</p><p>I shake my head, not wanting to explain what’s going on.</p><p>He sees what’s on my phone and immediately turns it off. “Oh don’t listen to that.. they reach for anything and everything. They’re just jealous honey…” </p><p>My breathing begins to steady, slowly but surely. Jack says nothing, silently holding me as time moves forward. </p><p>I finally let out a little sigh and feel my body relax, exhausted from the work up. </p><p>“Look, I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend. I’ve just been caught up with everything going on.” </p><p>I look up at him with surprise. </p><p>He smiles shyly. “I’m sorry. I wanna be a better boyfriend. I’ve just been jealous and stressed.” </p><p>I shake my head. “I know, I’m sorry I was around Dani so much I know I should be a better girlfriend, he was just making sure I was ok. Don’t worry, now I’m all healed and back to normal so now I have more time for you. If it makes you happy, then it's ok I don't have to talk to him. Don’t worry you won't see us together again.” <strong>A/N: I want to make it clear right now while this is happening: 1) I do NOT think that Jack would ever do this to anyone 2) if you ever feel like this is happening to you, I highly recommend getting out of the relationship. I’m no expert but I would just be careful please!!! I wrote Jack's actions from the standpoint of being in a manipulative relationship, so this is never okay actions. )</strong></p><p>He tackles me in a hug and we chill in the room for the rest of the mic checks, stuck in our own little bubble of togetherness. Yet as I lay there in his arms, I can’t get rid of the feeling of dread brewing in my stomach.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Big chapter today, pay attention loves &lt; 3. As always, remember my disclaimer and don't come at me ahahah. I'd like to also insert a trigger warning as we move on through the book; their may be instances of refusing to eat/self harm. Nothing too heavy of course and I will be inputting a TW right before it happens of course. Hope you're doing well, much love x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things continued as before, and though I couldn’t tell it then, my perspective of life was fading around me. I walked through the day like a zombie, responsive only to Jack and my own sister. I began to shy away from even the other boys, spending more and more time in my bunk or away by myself. </p><p>
  <strong>Skye POV: </strong>
</p><p>I pass the tour bus, hand in hand with Zach. </p><p>“Hey guys, I’m going out for Chipotle, you guys wanna come?” Jonah asks, keys in his hand. </p><p>I wrinkle my nose. <em>How do they eat so much food?! </em></p><p>“Hey!” Zach laughs. </p><p>I blush, realizing I said my thought out loud. “Sorry.” </p><p>Jonah throws his arm around Zach. “We’re growing men, Zachy and me.” </p><p>I roll my eyes. “Yeah yeah, sure.” </p><p>“We are!!” Zach insists. </p><p>“Whatever, crazies. I’ll pass, I’m not that hungry right now.” </p><p>They wave goodbye and head off to the car. </p><p>I hear faint laughter coming from the bus and poke my head in to see Sav perched on the arm of the couch. <em>She looks exhausted...when’s the last time she slept? </em></p><p>Her face looks haggard and her eyes keep darting around, almost like she’s...scared? </p><p>Daniels splayed on the floor, laptop open as he attempts to make a new melody for a song. She’s smiling slightly, but she hardly speaks to him. </p><p>
  <em>I just wish I knew what was going on… </em>
</p><p>Suddenly I feel the presence of someone around me and whirl around to see Jack walking towards me, brows furrowed. </p><p>“Who’s in the bus?” he asks. </p><p>I shrug. “Sav and Dani, I don’t know where Corb is though.” </p><p>He motions for me to move aside and I draw in a breath, remembering what Jack had told Sav a few weeks before. </p><p>“Oh no…” I breathe out. <em>Do I tell him to go away?! Oh, who am I kidding I can barely talk to him without getting worried.</em></p><p>I lay my ear against the door and soon hear Daniel muttering and coming close. </p><p>The bus door opens and I stand back to see him red faced and upset, running out of the bus. </p><p>“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.” he mutters, looking up for a quick second. </p><p>His eyes are shining, tears ready to fall. A horrible feeling rises in my chest and only gets worse as I hear the conversation going on inside. </p><p>“What happened to leaving Daniel alone?!” Jack snaps. </p><p>“I’m sorry! Ok, I’m sorry! I just thought..” Sav starts. </p><p>“No! NO! What did you think?! Huh? That he actually cared? Sav, I already told you! He doesn’t want your company! I want you, okay? Not him! Get that through your head, Sav! He. Doesn’t. Want. You.” he growls. </p><p>My breath catches. <em>I need to get in there. I can’t stand this. </em></p><p>“I’m sorry!” Sav cries. </p><p>“Save it. Just get it in your head. He doesn’t care.” </p><p>Jack’s footsteps come near the door and I jump off the bus and run around the back. </p><p>“Can’t believe this…” he mutters and dials someone on his phone. </p><p>I run into the bus once he’s out of sight to see the back of Sav disappearing into the bunkroom. </p><p>“Sav wait!” I cry, but it’s like she’s out of reach as she slams the door. </p><hr/><p>The next day, I’m fixing myself breakfast when I hear Jack and Sav talking inside the bunk room. </p><p>“Hey, why are you all sad and everything? Aren’t I doing okay?” Jack asks her, his voice almost brittle. </p><p>“No, no, it’s not you…” she starts, her voice weak. </p><p>“Well then what is it? Do you need to see someone or something? Like what’s going on? You’re all depressed and everything.” he persists. <strong>(A/N: Once again I just feel obligated ot say that Jack wouldn’t say this to someone; he’s gone through anxiety troubles in real life. Also, don't be ashamed/not want to go to a therapist, they’re helpful!)</strong></p><p>“No! I’m fine, ok?” Sav snaps. </p><p>“Jeez, no need to get mad, I was just <em>trying </em>to help.” he says. </p><p>I can hear the anger creeping in his voice and decide to step in. They both look at me the second I crack the door open. </p><p>“What?” Sav asks, looking mildly annoyed. </p><p>I raise my brows. “Just getting my charger…” </p><p>She huffs and climbs back into her bunk and Jack walks out of the bus. </p><p>“My god..what is going <em>on</em>?!” I mutter to myself as I step out as well. </p><p>
  <strong>POV Sav </strong>
</p><p>I curl up in my bunk and scroll on tiktok, trying to distract myself from the hellish reality of my life. </p><p>
  <em>What even happened? I remember when this was the dream. I got to take pictures at concerts every night...I was living the life. And now, what even is this? What am I doing? This is pointless. Honestly at this point what am I even doing here…</em>
</p><p>I wiggle around and try to get comfy and sleep. I pop a melatonin and soon am falling in the depths of black. <em>Sleep...your life can’t follow you there. Can it? </em></p><p>My phone buzzes, bringing me out of my slumber. <em>Oh this better be real good… </em></p><p>But as I open it up, it keeps going off again and again. </p><p>“Instagram? What the hell?” I mutter. <em>My notifs are turned off, only the people who I follow would come up. </em></p><p>
  <strong>@sav.sailor who’s jack with?!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>@sav.sailor did you guys break up </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>@sav.sailor who’s that girl?! </strong>
</p><p>But the final notification I saw was the worst. </p><p>
  <strong>Corbyn Besson </strong>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>Yo did you and Jack break up or sum? I just saw him at the bar with Gabbie. </em>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>“No no no…” I whisper. </p><p>I can feel my insides start to slow and brace myself for the panic attack that’s going to come. It starts with the feeling of dread. It’s always the feeling. The feeling before you know something bad is gonna happen and you can’t do anything to stop it. My body starts to engage into full panic mode and I feel my heart start to race. Instantly I feel nauseous. </p><p>I try to put down my phone to drown it out, but my eyes won’t unstick from the screen and I can’t bring myself to let go. I scroll through account after account, and every single one is filled with the picture of Jack kissing this girl, this mystery girl, that finally has a name and an identity. </p><p>
  <em>Those rumors were months ago… he said it didn’t mean anything. How could he do this?! How could he?! Is it me? Am I the problem? Did he do this because I’m not good enough, and Jonah kissing Tate too...maybe it is me. </em>
</p><p>I try to smother my head in a pillow to block everything out. <em>What do I even do?</em></p><p>Suddenly immeasurable rage fills me. I sit up straight and pull up FindMy on my phone. The logical side of my brain knows what’s about to come, the anger that comes at the beginning of coping. I don’t even try to suppress it. </p><p>“Crazy ex-girlfriend here I come…” I mutter, eyes shining.</p><p>I march out of the bunk room and grab keys to a rental we had. </p><p>Skye looks up from her phone, her eyes full or fear and realization. </p><p>“Sav wait!” she cries, throwing her hand out. </p><p>“Move.” I say quietly. </p><p>She shakes her head and I firmly look her in the eyes. “If us being sisters has ever meant anything to you, Skye, move. Please.” </p><p>Her eyes fill with sadness but she slowly moves her hand away. After finding directions to the bar Jack and Gabbie are at, I speed through the streets of the town and park right outside. (Nobody needs to know that I ran a few red lights). Several fans are loitering outside the bar, but I ignore them. </p><p>I stride into the bar, my head held high. Yet as soon as I see him, sitting at a table, arms around her, both of them laughing their heads off, I stop in my tracks. It’s like everything’s being taken out of my body and then it’s stuffed back in. The realization, seeing it all in front of me through my own eyes, brings a different type of pain. With Jonah, he was upfront, he openly explained to me what happened. Jack on the other hand...</p><p>“How could he..” I whisper brokenly to myself. </p><p>Just on cue, he looks up to see tears beginning to pour down my face. He stands immediately, his mouth set. As he begins to start towards me, I shake my head. </p><p>“Jack Avery, how could you. <em>How could you.</em>” I grate out. </p><p>I want to scream, but even that I feel like I can’t do. I don’t know how to feel, everything’s confusing now. I whirl around and start out of the bar. </p><p>Jack grabs my hand as I begin walking. </p><p>“Sav, wait. Please!” he begs. </p><p>I shake my head once again. “It’s Savannah to you. My <em>friends </em>call me Sav. This is over. Please let go of me.” </p><p>His mouth drops open, and he looks genuinely surprised. I raise my brow and he slowly withdraws his hand. </p><p>I keep my head held high, but the second I get back into the car, all the power and energy drains out of me. I lay my head on the steering wheel and stare at the floor. </p><p>
  <em>Nothing makes sense...how could he? How could SHE? Did she know? God, if she knew…</em>
</p><p>I gather myself as well as I can and slowly start to drive back to the bus in a daze. I throw my things into a bag, and head to the nearest hotel. </p><p>“Hello, ma’am, how may I help y-oh..” The manager starts. </p><p>I give a brittle laugh. “So you know too. Great.” </p><p>He stares at me, at a loss of words to say. </p><p>“Just get me a room. Please.” I ask.</p><p>He wordlessly hands me a key and I walk to my room. I run a scalding hot bath and throw my bag in the corner of the room. Stepping into the bathtub, I wince at the temperature of the water but get into it nevertheless. </p><p>I hug my knees and stare at the wall and try to think, try to form something, just one, one, little thought. When I finally drag myself out of the bathtub, I hardly notice the water is freezing cold, the warmth diminished. </p><p>Mindlessly wrapping myself in a robe, I attempt to eat, to keep something down, but it all comes right back up. I have ti camp out in the bathroom. Every time I try to wrap my head around the fact that Jack is gone, I feel sick. Checking my phone, I see a dozen missed calls from Skye, double that from him. </p><p>“Ugh!” I yell. “Why can’t he leave me alone! He already did so much..." </p><p>Someone sharply knocks on the door. </p><p>“Sav, let me in. Come on…” </p><p>“Not right now…” I whimper, hearing Daniel’s pleading voice from the other side of the door. </p><p>“Go away. Please.” I say, trying to speak clearly, but my voice trembles. </p><p>“C’mon Sav. Please.” he begs. “Jack isn’t here anymore, you can talk to me. There aren't any rules. Please! He's gone...forget about him, I'll take care of you." </p><p>“No! No, you leave him out of it. I'm sure he didn't mean it, he didn't mean it at all.” I scream,.</p><p>"Sav, sweetie. He meant it...he's gone." he sighs. </p><p>“Just leave me alone. All of you.” I sniffle. </p><p>“Sav-” Daniel’s voice breaks. </p><p>“J-just leave me alone..” I whisper, tears flooding my eyes once more. “Please.” </p><p>I hear his forehead rest on the door as I slide to the floor. </p><p>“Sav, please.” </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just can’t. I’m sorry.” I repeat, void of all feelings. My back against the door, I don’t move for the rest of the night, tears silently streaming down my cheeks. Little did I know, Daniel looked quite the same, yet by the time I opened the door the next morning, he was gone.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hey lovies. I hope you're all well. A sensitive topic in this part, so I'll leave a TW. As you read this, remember it's important to take care of yourself and take it easy for a few days if you need to. If you ever need anything, I'm here. Sav's going through a bit of a rough patch here, it's a long way down. It'll be ok, stick w her :) Much love to all of you x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>TW: mentions of self harm</strong> </em>
</p><p>After a restless 3 hours of sleep on the floor, I finally drag myself into the bathroom and force myself to get in the shower. The water is scalding again and I move through the shower in a daze. I try to push it from my mind but I can feel my brain teeming with memories of last night, passed out on the floor in a slump. I stare at my hands as they shake and quiver, razor in hand. I know exactly what my body and brain yearns to do. Just to feel something, anything, whether that be pain or heartbreak. I sink to the floor and sit, contemplating losing everything that I worked so hard for, a whole nine months of being clean. I can't help but think about what would happen if I broke it. And I know, I know, that it's all because of the loss of control I'm feeling, all of those psychology classes ingrained it into my mind. But I also can't forget the feeling of freedom, if only temporary that comes with that first cut. And I sit for a while, a long while, staring at that wall, completely still, and those memories come back. On the floor of the shower, bawling my eyes out, I pray. I had long given up on God, or any sort of spiritual being, that had disappeared the second my parents died. Yet now, in a moment of desperation, praying was the only thing that made sense. Even if it doesn't work, and I know the Lord may never accept me, I pray. I struggle through the long and strenuous process of remembering how to pray, and try to feel something, just a little calm, a little something to know that maybe He's there.  I hear my hotel phone begin to chime. <em>Seems like he really did hear my prayer…but also who the hell is calling me. I didn’t tip that hotel guy for no reason. </em></p><p>I throw on a robe and grab the phone. </p><p>“Didn’t I say do not disturb?” I ask into the phone. </p><p>“Well you did, but you’d be surprised what a little gas lighting will do to a person.” </p><p>I furrow my brow. “I’m sorry WHO are you and what do you want” </p><p>The calm voice of a woman is on the other side of the phone. She replies, “My name is Gabbie.”</p><p>I laugh. “You’re kidding, Un-fucking believeable."</p><p>“No! Don’t hang up. Please. I need to talk to you... Please." she begs. </p><p>My hand starts to tremble. “You have 30 seconds to tell me why I shouldn’t hang up on you and never speak to you again.” </p><p>She sighs. “Please, just wait.”</p><p>I hang up the phone. </p><p>“I'm way too nice I swear.” I grumble. "Why do I even bother..."</p><p>Soon enough Ms. Gabbie Gonzalez is at the door. I open it begrudgingly. She sits down at the edge of the bed and stares at me. </p><p>“So? I didn't let you in here for nothing.” I snap.</p><p>She shakes her head. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just confused.” </p><p>“What do you mean?” I roll my eyes.</p><p>“Listen. I didn’t know, okay? I didn’t know.” she says, mildly annoyed. </p><p>My brows shoot up and my mouth hangs open. </p><p>“Look. I’m just a girl from Florida who’s completely clueless about everything that’s going on here. I didn’t know who Jack was until a couple months ago when those stupid rumors came out when we attending the same party. His fans sometimes…” She trails off.</p><p>I grudgingly smile. “Yeahh...they’re like that to me too.” </p><p>She shakes her head. “I mean how did they even know? He told me he was single those months ago, that’s why I slept with him. I never would have known. And at that point...I couldn’t even bring myself to tell you he had cheated on you with me.” </p><p>I sigh. “I’m pretty much done with the mad thing. I know it’s crazy but it’s pretty obvious he took advantage of you. What about last night?” </p><p>“Well..he pulled the same thing as before. Asked me for a drink, which I wanted to refuse, and because I can't drink but he insisted. Said he was single and that you’d broken up 2 days before. Stupid me, didn’t even check the socials.” </p><p>I laugh a bit. “Well we can both agree Jack did some seriously horrible lying here...hold on why can’t you drink?” <strong>(A/N I know that Gabbie's 18 technically, but let's be real here, this is celebrity LA) </strong></p><p>The smile melts off my face as I realize. </p><p>She takes a deep breath. “You found me when I was about to tell Jack. I’m pregnant.” </p><p>“I-wow…” I breath out.</p><p>“I mean what do I say? I mean I'm not trying to be mean, but saying I was happy for you would just be lying.” </p><p>She laughs quietly. “Don’t worry about it. No offense taken.” </p><p>I let out a small gasp of horror as a terrifying thought comes to my mind. </p><p>“What?!” Gabbie says, alarmed. </p><p>“Oh my god Gabbie- the limelights…” I trail off. </p><p>She stares back at me, still slightly confused. “I mean I know they’re gonna hate, but it can’t be that bad right?” </p><p>My face clouds as I remember the hate that I get on the daily. </p><p>“It’s worse than you can imagine.” I sigh. “Honestly, at this point I’m scared to leave this hotel.” </p><p>She frowns. “It hasn’t been a good night for you has it?” </p><p>I laugh a bit. “You don’t really care though.” </p><p>Gabbie rolls her eyes. “Yeah, get sleep. I’ll be here when you get up and are in a better mood. I hope everything is okay now.” </p><p>I shrug. “Well, I mean it’s never gonna be perfect, but I’d say we’re off to a damn good start.” </p><p>She hums in response and I climb into the bed and eventually fall into a restless sleep. </p><hr/><p>“Wakey wakey. It’s 4 PM and you need to do something about your life.” Gabbie shakes my shoulder. </p><p>“Well <em>you</em> wouldn’t wanna wake up either if your boyfriend had cheated on you with some girl who also happens to be a million times prettier and nicer.” </p><p>She snorts. “Shut up and get out of bed. You should fix your mindset, about yourself too. Even if there was a compliment in there somewhere.” </p><p>“Whatever.” I mumble and stagger into the bathroom. </p><p>She follows me in. “Listen, you gotta go back there and at least do <em>something</em>. I mean, I’m not sure I would tell them that I came and visited. But you need to do something. Like actually. I’m sure your sister is worried sick. Besides, you’ve been treating yourself like crap. Even though you’re all treat people with kindness, you should think about treating yourself with kindness first.” <strong>(A/N that goes for all of you suckers. Treat yourself w fucking kindness ty &lt;3) </strong></p><p>“I’m surprised Skye hasn’t called the police by now.” I say bemusedly. “And how do you know about that? I mean I haven’t been very TPWK to you.” </p><p>“Still. Let’s get you cleaned up and you have to get back to them.” she persists. “And your home screen doesn’t lie.” </p><p>I wrinkle my nose. “You looked at my <em>home screen</em>?!” </p><p>She smiles and taps her head before grabbing a hair dryer. Gabbie begins doing my hair and slaps my hand after I try to protest. </p><p>"Just sit. I'm trying to make you look like you didn't just die." She laughs. </p><p>“Ok, mom.” I mutter, but let her do it nonetheless. </p><p>Once I’m a bit more normal looking, I gather my things and Gabbie walks with me to the hotel foyer. </p><p>“Thank you, Gabbie.” I breath out. “You actually...helped kinda.” </p><p>She smiles shyly. “It was nice to properly meet you. Maybe we’ll even be friends.” </p><p>I faintly return the smile. “Sometime.” </p><p>She glances down at her belly with a look of fondness. </p><p>“Hey. You’ll be okay. If you’re ever in a really tight fix, give me a call, alright? Someday when this is all over, maybe everything will turn out and we can talk.” I hand her my number, with a note saying <em>To use if only in an emergency. </em></p><p>“Someday. We’ll be alright, Savannah. It’ll all turn out.” She says softly, and with a wave she walks out the door. </p><p>I pay for my room and exit the hotel. Thankfully no one’s around and I’m able to slip into the car. As I drive back to the bus, the scenes of yesterday flood my mind. A single tear drops into my lap, but I stay driving. </p><p>“Might as well finish what you’ve started. You’ve got a job, Sav. You’ll be fine without him.” I say firmly. </p><p>I pull into the parking lot and check my reflection in the mirror. <em>Gabbie did her magic, I look as normal as usual. </em></p><p>I slowly trek towards the bus, and my gut fills with dread. I try to listen for the sound of voices in the bus but can’t hear anything. <em>Sweet. Maybe I’ll get out of this easy. Then all that’s left is facing Skye.</em></p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Skye POV...24 hours earlier: </strong>
</p><p>“This idiot. What the hell is his problem.” I mutter as Sav rushes out of the bus. </p><p>I dial Corbyn. </p><p>“Hello?” He asks on the other side of the line. </p><p>“CORBYN MATTHEW BESSON WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?! TEXTING SAV THAT JACK’S CHEATING?! REAL SMART!” I scream. </p><p>I can almost hear him wince. </p><p>“Whoa, chill out. No need to go all crazy ex-girlfriend on <em>me</em>.” Corbyn says, exasperated. </p><p>“Don’t even go there before I get out there and hunt <em>your </em>crazy ass. Careful words, Besson, careful words.” I growl. </p><p>“Jeez, woman. I just thought it would be better if she heard it from me rather than fan accounts. She has a problem with insta, right? Get’s all...weird and can’t breathe.” </p><p>I roll my eyes. “It’s called a panic attack, dipshit.” </p><p>I hang up the phone and grab my keys. <em>God, please don’t let me be too late. </em></p><p>“Men.” I roll my eyes. “Absolute idiots, they are.” </p><p>I carefully maneuver on the roads and go as fast as I can towards the bar. <em>Thank the lord of FindMy Iphone. </em></p><p>Just as I’m looking at my phone, I hear a car screech and then a large bang. I feel the impact of something crashing into me, and then the world goes black. </p><hr/><p>When I wake up, I’m strapped to a hospital bed, and IV stuck in my arm. <em>You have got to be kidding me. </em></p><p>I groan. “OF ALL THE DAYS TO GET IN A CAR ACCIDENT! I’M SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD DRIVER IN THE FAMILY! AND WHAT DO I GET?! THIS?” </p><p>Zach laughs softly and I turn to face him. </p><p>“Where’s that idiot best friend of yours?” I growl.</p><p>“Wow, not even a moment of attention for me. He’s outside the room.” Zach sighs dramatically. </p><p>I point to the door with a straight face and he wordlessly gets up and grabs the rest of the boys. The second I see Jack’s face I climb out of bed, livid. <em>Andddd out comes the IV. It’s time to kick some Jack Avery ass. </em></p><p>Zach tries to restrain me but I stomp on his foot. Corbyn and Jonah start forward but I glare at them so hard they just stand there with their mouths hanging open. </p><p>“JACK ROBERT AVERY. WHAT THE <em>HELL </em>WERE YOU THINKING?! CHEATING ON <em>MY </em>SISTER?! YOU MADE ME GET INTO A CAR ACCIDENT, YOU ABSOLUTE SHITHEAD! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!” I scream at the top of my lungs. </p><p>With a satisfying <em>smack</em>, I slap him hard across the face multiple times.</p><p>“Ow.” he groans, rubbing his face. “Ok maybe I deserved that…” </p><p>I attempt to lunge at him again but this time Zach doesn’t let go of me no matter how many times I try to break free. </p><p>“Fuck you.” I mutter through my teeth as he forces me back on the bed and calls the nurse to replace the IV. </p><p>“You. Explain yourself. Now.” I command. <em>Gosh I really hate being mean to people but like… this is my sister we’re talking about. </em></p><p>“I-” he starts but trails off. </p><p>“I’m waiting.” I snap.</p><p>Jack looks helplessly at the other guys but they sit with reserved faces and don’t move. </p><p>“And where the <em>hell</em> is Daniel?” I say, exasperated. </p><p>“Looking for her..” Jonah mumbles. </p><p>“YOU HAVEN’T EVEN FOUND HER?!” I scream. “MY GOD I KNEW YOU WERE IDIOTS BUT ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!” </p><p>The bow their heads. </p><p>“Out. Out. Every single one of you. <em>FIND HER</em>. NOW.” I point towards the door. </p><p>Zach opens his mouth to protest but I cut him off. </p><p>“I’m fine. I won’t try to escape. Just get the hell out of here and find her before we have to call the police for help.” </p><p>The wordlessly file out of the room and the second they leave, I feel all of the fury leave my body. I bury my head in my hands and start to sob. </p><p>“Sav, where are you? Please still be here. I can’t go on without you...” </p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Sav POV: </strong>
</p><p>I open the tour bus door and find no one inside. I tumble into my bunk and let out the breath I’ve been keeping in for the past half hour. </p><p>“Well now what. I just wanted to get it over with. Dear lord...What do I even do?” </p><p>My phone starts to buzz and I see an incoming FaceTime from my second most favorite person in the world. </p><p>“Zack.” I cry, and my eyes fill with tears. </p><p>“Hey, Sav.” He says softly, his normally smiling eyes filled with sadness. “How’s it going.” </p><p>“Well...I’m sure you can imagine.” I look down to the ground with shame. </p><p>“Sav, you need to take care of yourself. I know your mental health has always been shaky, but this… You’ve been missing for 24 hours. Tyler’s going crazy.” </p><p>I shake my head. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I just can’t do it anymore. This. Just, this. What am I even doing anymore? I accepted the job to have the time of my life, Zack. Everything’s in shambles. It’s all falling apart.” </p><p>He looks back at me somberly. “Sav, start thinking about yourself. It may seem like there's bigger problems in the world right now, but you have to have a strong inner consciousness and take care of yourself in order to change other problems in your life. You aren’t doing well, and you and I both know that. But the question is, what are you going to do about it? We both know this has been a rollercoaster for you, these past few months. You’ve forgotten about yourself. ” </p><p>“What do I do?” I whisper in horror. </p><p>He smiles softly. “That’s for you to find out. Take the path that feels the most right. Remember you always have Skye, and I promise, no matter how hard you try to distance yourself from me, I’m always going to be here. Start to treat yourself and your body how you would treat someone you love. And don’t give up on you, either. I know you’ll make it out of this stronger than ever, but the first thing you have to do is try. Put yourself in the position to try, and then you can begin to heal.” </p><p>I nod softly, a small smile on my face. Whenever I talk to Zack, he always finds a unique way to calm me down. Suddenly, I see him look at the screen in terror. </p><p>He leans his head on the wall and tears escape from his eyes. </p><p>“What’s wrong? Zack!” I cry.</p><p>“Your sister- hospital.” He’s able to mumble out. </p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Will be including trigger warnings so do be careful if it applies to you :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I feel dizzy as I realize what he’s saying. “Skye...in the hospital. I have to go see her.” </p><p>
  <em>The boys...they’re probably there. But I have to go. I have to. I can just ignore them...right? </em>
</p><p>Zack nods weakly as I tell him I’m going to see her. I rush out and speed (once again) through about three reds, without a care.<em> Nobody gotta know...</em></p><p>I stumble into the hospital and pass all of the others in the lines to get in. <em>I guess the look on my face says it all, huh? Well, don’t blame me, the last few days have been hell to say the least. </em></p><p>“Can I help you?” The nurse asks at the nurses station. </p><p>“Yeah, um I need to see my sister.” I mumble. </p><p>She frowns. “Visiting hours are over.” </p><p>“You’re kidding.” I groan. </p><p>She shrugs and turns away to look at her computer. <em>My god why do I even bother… I hate myself right now. </em></p><p>I dig through my bag and grab this stupid stupid card that was given to me when I first started to work for the boys. I flush with embarrassment about what I'm about to do.</p><p>“Fucking special priveleges...cannot believe I’m actually using this.” I mutter. </p><p>I wave the nurse over to me again and flash her the card. She rolls her eyes and beckons me toward a room. </p><p>“Sorry...wish I didn’t have to use it but you know..” I trail off, embarrassed. </p><p>She leaves me at the door and I step in. <em>Aha. She thinks I’m a snob now, great. </em></p><p>I hear Skye giggle. “Shut up, basket case. You’re just having anxiety. The usual.” </p><p>I wrinkle my nose. “Oh I said that out loud? Whoops.” </p><p>I sit down in a chair nonchalantly, and then it hits me. “WAIT YOU’RE ALIVE!” </p><p>Skye rolls her eyes. “Sometimes you’re kinda slow.” </p><p>I laugh a bit, tears springing to my eyes nonetheless. </p><p>“You cry a lot, just saying.” Skye says, raising a brow. </p><p>I scoff. “I wouldn’t talk…” </p><p>She shrugs, unabashed. “So why are you here, you bum? Be free! See the world!” </p><p>She flaps her arms sarcastically. </p><p>I shake my head, laughing. “Well I was trying to you know,...talk to everyone but I couldn’t find them in the bus, and then Zack called, and then we found out you were in the hospital..” </p><p>She snorts. ‘Well, they came here, and when I asked them where you were, they said they had no idea. So naturally, I screamed at them to find you. Seems like you found yourself kinda.” </p><p>I furrow my brow. <em>Yeah...not really. </em></p><p>“Well, I’m trying. How are you?” I ask, changing the subject. T<em>he fact no one even LOOKED for me… wow. </em></p><p>Skye waves her hand lightly. “I’m fine, chill. The minorest concussion ever.” </p><p>I smile lightly.</p><p>"So you're okay." I breathe out, relieved.</p><p>She turns onto her stomach and smiles at me. I can see her fighting not to fall asleep as her face snuggles into her pillow. </p><p>“I’ll go, you need your sleep.” I say softly. </p><p>Skye holds out her hand. “Love you!” </p><p>I settle into the chair and take her hand. “Love you more.” </p><p>She sighs softly, eyes closed peacefully. “Love you the mostest.” </p><p><em>Well isn’t this some free time...alone with my thoughts again. Great. What to do, what to do. Honestly, at this point what am I even still doing here? Dated two of them, now that I think of it, both of whom cheated on me, but it’s ok with Jonah because everyone loves Jonah and I love him too. And Tate’s a serious rockstar. But the question still remains what am I even </em>doing<em>?! Why should I even be here. There’s nothing left for me. I’m just a burden to them and cause problems. Management already hates me. It would be their dream come true for me to just disappear. Huh. Hold on...disappear. Maybe that’s the answer. It feels right. And Zack did say to take the path that felt the best to me… </em></p><p>I look up to see the shadow of 5 boys in the doorway. They’re all laughing and talking but the second they look up and see me, all conversation ceases to happen. I stand up quickly. </p><p>“I was just leaving." I grimace. </p><p>They stare at me, doing nothing. And that's when it all clicks.</p><p>"It’s done. Its...so done. I’m quitting.” The words fall out of my mouth. </p><p>Their mouths drop open. I step between them, fleeing the room. </p><p>I get all the way to the end of the hallway and I'm just queuing the elevator when I hear Zachs voice far down. </p><p>“You can’t just do that!” </p><p>I step into the elevator and turn around to see him running quickly down the hall. I keep my face void of emotions, and just as he reaches the elevator, the doors finish closing. </p><p>“Well that could’ve been a very very awkward elevator ride…” I mutter. </p><p>I’m just walking out of the hospital when I realize what I actually just did. I prop myself against my car door and stand with an open mouth, staring at the ground. </p><p>“What the actual <em>hell </em>did I just do?” </p><p>
  <em>Sometimes my own stupidity surprises me. I mean I can’t just walk back in there and be like “Haha! Gotcha just kidding.” They already think I need to be put in a psych ward, I’m pretty sure they would ship me a couple floors up and have me actually admitted. </em>
</p><p>I laugh in spite of myself. </p><p>“Oh my god I’m going crazy.” I giggle. “Skye would say I’m on crack-cocaine.” </p><p>“You ok there?” I mimic her, continuing to laugh. "Dude that's exactly what she would say." </p><p>I sigh. “Ok, I need to stop.” But then of course, I continue to laugh at myself. </p><p>I get in the car and drive out of the parking lot, still giggling. </p><p>“The only thing I need is Harry Styles…” <strong>(A/N: and that's on period sis...Harry Styles makes everything better aha he is therapy) </strong></p><hr/><p>
  <em>I should stop soon...I need gas. Where even am I? </em>
</p><p>I frown. “Do I even feel like stopping? I’d rather just get away. I don’t care, I just wanna get as far away as possible. I don’t need the boys in my life...right? And they’ll take care of Skye. It’s fine…” </p><p>Even as I try to reassure myself, I feel horrible. “I’m an idiot. Whatever. Finding my own path, that’s what this is. Totally.” </p><p>I turn onto the backroads of the small town we were currently staying in. <em>It’s time to leave, I’m not doing this anymore. </em></p><p>I just drive and drive on the straight country road, through hill after hill. <em>I mean at least it’s pretty.</em> Just as I start to relax, the empty sign on the car starts to blink. <em>You have got to be fucking kidding me. </em></p><p>“The <em>one time </em>I try to do something to help me in my life, <em>THIS HAPPENS</em>! Do I EVER, just EVER, catch a break?!” I scream. </p><p>I grab my phone and search where the nearest gas station is. </p><p>“You’re kidding. 30 miles?!” I groan. “What did I even get myself into. This was stupid. Stupid stupid stupid!” </p><p>Angry tears come to my mind and I swipe them away. “I can’t even stop crying.” </p><p>I dig my nails into my arm to try and stop the crying, which works a bit but also just makes me more aware of the problem I’m in. </p><p>“Damn it, Skye! Why did you have to be in the hospital!” I scream. </p><p>I get out and sit on the side of the road. The sun’s starting to go down, and there’s a slight breeze. I bury my head in my hands. </p><p>“Why does it all have to go bad… Every time I think I’m finally happy something has to go make it worse. Who do I even call? I have no one anymore.” I say outloud into nothingness. </p><p>The word echoes around my head as I lay my head back on the grass.  <em>No one, no one, no one… </em></p><p>~~~</p><p>“You know you could have called earlier, right? I would’ve come.” Daniel winces, feeling the breeze as he gets out of the car. </p><p>I refuse to look him in the eyes, staring at the ground and tracing my foot in the dirt. </p><p>“We’ll have to drive to the gas station, I obviously don’t have gas.” </p><p>He walks towards me and sits beside me in the grass. </p><p>“What’s going on, Sav? You walked out on us back there.” He says softly inching closer to me. </p><p>I draw back and look the other way. “I just need space. You guys will be fine without me.”</p><p>He intakes a sharp breath. “Is that what you think? Is that what you actually think?!” His voice rises quickly. </p><p>I shrug nonchalantly. </p><p>“Damn it, Sav! Are you fucking blind?!” he yells. </p><p>I look up in surprise. “Is that how we’re talking now?” </p><p>He throws his hands in the air “Your sister is <em>in the hospital</em>. What the hell are you doing?” </p><p>“She has you guys and Zach, it’s fine.” I say drily. </p><p>He rolls his eyes. “Do you even <em>care</em>?!”</p><p>My mouth drops open. “Do I even care? <em>DO I EVEN CARE?! </em>May I just remind you that <em>I </em>was the one that survived with her all those years, <em>I </em>was the one who got thrown into jail with her, <em>I </em>was the one <em>WHO ALMOST DIED WITH HER</em>. So don’t you say I don’t care. I’ll care more than all of you ever will. Skye is my best friend. She’s <em>everything</em>.” </p><p>“Then why can’t you come back?” Daniel pushes on. </p><p>“Give it a <em>rest</em>, Daniel! Just leave me alone.” I snap. </p><p>“No, you can’t just <em>leave</em>!” he says angrily. </p><p>“I can and I will! And you can’t just say no. I’m leaving, it’s done. You guys will be fine.” I sigh and get up. “Let’s go.” </p><p>“Savannah!” he yells. </p><p>“No, Daniel, <em>no</em>. Just leave me alone. I’ll get the gas and get out of your life. Just stop worrying about me, ok?! It’s done! Get it through your head! <em>It’s done</em>. I’m leaving. So just stop.” I grate out. </p><p>I get in the car without another word and he eventually gets in as well. We sit in silence for ten minutes, Daniel gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. My nerves eventually get the better of me as the speedometer’s needle passes 100.</p><p>I turn to him in alarm. “Daniel just-“</p><p>“No! I can’t, ok! I just can’t.” He cuts me off, his blue eyes flashing. </p><p>I don’t speak for the rest of the ride and he keeps his eyes glued to the road ahead. My hands shake and I feel like I should say something but I keep my mouth shut. He eventually calms down and slows the car a bit. <em>He’s driving way too fast for a one way road...if I die I’m blaming him.</em></p><p>He parks in the back of the parking lot and we get out silently. </p><p>I turn towards the store and start walking in when all of the sudden he grabs my hand and twirls me around. </p><p>“Sav..” he whispers, his lips hovering dangerously close to mine. “Please.” </p><p>He moves closer to me and my mind goes into overdrive. My back stiffens and I stand frozen, terrified. Daniel’s too close for comfort and I can’t help but be reminded of how it felt to be so close to another human in a loving caress. </p><p>“I can’t-Jack. This isn’t- no.” I stammer, the delicate wound of Jack’s loving touch reopened by the human contact on my skin. </p><p>I wordlessly turn around and flee into the store, not daring to look behind me. I browse the aisles with my head down, my heart rate flying. </p><p>“Oh my god.” A voice sounds from behind me. </p><p>I whirl around to see two teenage girls with their phones up, recording me. </p><p>“It’s Savannah Sailor! And AHHHH it’s Daniel Seavey!” One of them screams and they both sprint towards him as he enters the store. </p><p>Their phones and voices trigger me past my breaking point and I run to the bathroom, face full of tears. </p><p>I shut the door firmly and try to take deep, calming breaths. <em>In 7, hold 4, out 8…. </em></p><p>Someone attempts to open the door and I stop it with my foot. </p><p>“It's occupied, sorry.” I say, voice shaking.<br/>“I know you’re in here.” A voice hisses. </p><p>My eyes widen. <em>What the actual hell. </em>I place my back against the door so the mysterious woman can't move into the bathroom. </p><p>“Moving on awful quick, aren’t we? I mean what type of girl moves on from one boy to another in a matter of days? I mean we all knew you were a slut after Jonah moving to Jack but seriously, all three of them? Well that's just seriously wrong. You're already such a mess, why not just end it now?” she continues on, her voice sweetly vicious. </p><p>My vision starts to blur and I sink to the floor, head in my hands. I hear another person's footsteps and this time I hear Daniel’s voice echo through the bathroom. </p><p>“Savannah?” he asks, his voice trembling. </p><p>At the sound of his voice my chest compresses and my whole body freaks out. <strong>(A/N yeah I know she has a lot of panic attacks...story of my life. Please be patient with the people around you, you never know what someone might be going through. Treat people with kindness and care :) ) </strong></p><p>“What the hell did you say to her?!” he snaps at the girl. </p><p>“I-” she stammers, confident no more. </p><p>“Leave!” he growls. </p><p>Her footsteps fade as she stumbles away. </p><p>“Sav! Let me in! I know you're having a panic attack. Please just let me help you.” he begs. </p><p>“J-jack. Please.” I stammer blindly. </p><p>“Savannah, it’s not Jack. He left you. He isn’t here for you anymore. He’s gone. Sav, he’s not here for you anymore. Please just let me in.” </p><p>I can hear his voice harden with jealousy, which makes me feel even worse.</p><p>“Please! Where is Jack? I need Jack.” I wail. </p><p>“Savannah! He’s not here! It’s Daniel. No one else is here right now.” </p><p>“Call him! Daniel please! I need Jack!” </p><p>“Sav.” he snaps. “No ones coming.” </p><p>His fist comes in contact with the stall door with a large bang and I automatically flinch and sharply intake a breath. </p><p>“Shit, I didn’t mean that.” he huffs. His hisses air between his teeth, and I can tell he probably split his knuckle. </p><p>
  <em>He obviously meant it...</em>
</p><p>“Sav just come out! Get over this and get out here. Forget this happened and let’s leave. I don’t need to call Jack. It's all over, stop all this. Let's go.” </p><p>I gasp in surprise and hurt, blood rushing to my head. “You think I can control this? Like it just goes away in a second?” </p><p>He turns around exasperated. “<em>Come on</em>.” </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>TW // Mentions of suicide and self-harm</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“Sometimes, I just can’t. You don’t know what it’s like to doubt everything coming out of your mouth." I start, building volume the longer I speak. "I can barely accept the fact that someone might care about me. <em>My mind </em>refuses to allow that. You don’t know what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night, not being able to breathe. You don't know what it's like to be happy one second, the world crumbling to the floor the next without warning. You don't have <em>self made artwork</em> decorating your arms, a permanent reminder of why you don’t deserve anything. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO LIE IN BED EVERY NIGHT WISHING THAT YOU WOULD JUST DIE ALREADY.” </p><p>My arms wrap around my neck on their own accord, my breathing quickening. “I wish everyday. Every day that it'll go away, but that's not how it works. It won't go away, and you'll never be able to understand that. <em>It doesn’t go away. </em>So please. Let me go.”</p><p>I duck my head between my legs and focus on breathing patterns. Time blurs a bit but eventually I feel someone pick up my body and hold me until my vision fades into nothingness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Enjoy this, and of course I always want to say, I do NOT think at any time that the boys would behave like this, this is just what I depict them as to keep the story moving. Keep on the look out for trigger warnings as well. Much love x &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Skye POV (12 Hours Earlier)</strong>
</p><p>Zach lays with me in the hospital bed for the rest of the day, the other boys going back to the tour bus after my little meltdown. </p><p>“Are you still mad at me?” he whispers for the 5th time. </p><p>I sigh. “Just- don’t talk about it.” </p><p>His body wilts against me and I feel horrible because I know I’m letting him down. </p><p>“Look, ok? I don’t know where she could’ve gone. I have no clue. I’m sorry.” I shrug. “Turns out I may not know my sister like I thought I did…” </p><p>Zach turns towards me and attempts to comfort me but I push him away. </p><p>He sighs. “I really hate the whole pushing away thing you do when you get mad or worried.” </p><p>I grimace and roll my eyes. “Whatever.” </p><p>Zach’s phone goes off and he turns away. I glance at the clock in my room. <em>6:00. </em></p><p>A nurse sashays into the room with papers in her hands for discharge. Zachs off in the hallway talking seriously on his phone. He’s motioning with his hands and looks frustrated. <em>Great. Now what happened?</em></p><p>I smile at the nurse and thank her as I finish signing off the papers. </p><p>“Remember to take it easy for the next couple of days and don’t get aggravated. Be sure to call the second you have any symptoms.” She starts to list. </p><p>Zach enters the room looking frenzied. “All good? Can we go, we have stuff to do.” </p><p>I frown. “No we don’t, what are you talking about?” </p><p>His eyes flash impatiently. I make a <em>what-the-hell-is-going-on</em> face at him and he grimaces. </p><p>The nurse turns to him, hands on her hips. “Now don’t you go disregarding this young man, this lady has a serious condition. She needs rest. If she doesn’t wake up, you need to bring her straight back to the ER.” </p><p>He nods and the nurse reluctantly leaves. Zach lifts up my bag of stuff and practically places me in the wheelchair. He wheels me as fast as he can to the hospital entrance and then pulls me out of the chair quickly. </p><p>“Woah woah woah buster. Stop rushing me places and tell me what the hell is going on!” I say as he pulls me by my hand into the parking lot. </p><p>Zach grimaces. “Sav’s in a bit of an...issue. Daniel called. She’s at a gas station an hour out.” </p><p>I stare at him, confused. “What does this have to do with me?” </p><p>“Well, she’s still your sister. She’s just...on the wrong path right now.” Zach says, fidgeting. </p><p>I continue to stare. </p><p>Zach motions. “Hello? Say something.” </p><p>I roll my eyes and walk towards the car. </p><p>He hurries after me. “Skye?” </p><p>I buckle myself in and turn to him. “Well? Hurry up already.” </p><p>He gets in and throws my hospital stuff in the back of the car. I tear off the hospital bracelet with distaste. </p><p>“I hate hospitals.” </p><p>Zach snickers. “Well that’s one thing you twins definitely have in common. Remember how much Sav freaked when we got here? She wasn’t even <em>conscious</em> and her body went ballistic.” </p><p>I smile softly. “Yeah…” </p><p>~~~</p><p>After an hour of somewhat silence in the car, we pull up to the gas station. An ambulance is flashing and I see the rest of the boys gathered outside. I pull on a jacket and shiver as I step out of the car. I see Daniel and Jack yelling loudly at each other while Corbyn stands awkwardly, trying to break them up. Jonah’s with one of the EMTs, speaking rapidly in hushed tones. </p><p>“What the hell’s going on?” I ask, running up to them. </p><p>“Who are you?” the EMT asks, cutting off Jonah before he could even speak. “Ma’am I don’t think you can be here right now.” </p><p>“I’m her sister, Skye Sailor.” I reply cooly. <em>Well he looks mean. </em></p><p>He nods, but doesn’t apologize. “Your sister is having an acute anxiety attack. She’s begun to hyperventilate and is not responding to anyone’s attempts to help her. Her oxygen levels are dangerously low, and if someone doesn’t get in there then she could have lasting side effects. I’m sure you’re familiar with procedure.  The store owner was mandated to call us once he saw what was going on. We need to get her out of there, and soon.” </p><p>I stare at him. “Are you dumb?! Why isn’t anyone in there? How did this even happen? Someone should be with her!” </p><p>“Ma’am, she refuses to let anyone in besides this gentleman here. I and an on-call psychologist have attempted to enter but her levels spiked and we can’t risk it without sedating her.” he sighs. </p><p>“Absolutely not. She’ll never forgive us if you do that. She wouldn’t forgive any of us…” I mumble. “But who is she asking for?” </p><p>“<em>Him.</em>” Daniel growls, eyes bright. </p><p>He stands 3 feet away from Jack, Corbyn standing nervously in between them. I have to stifle a giggle. In awkward situations, I can't help but laugh. Which is horrible. But somehow right now all I can think about is the image out of my head of Daniel and Jack on stage, singing Choose (the song) to Sav. I hide my face in my sleeve, giggling. They start going back and forth at each other, voices increasing in volume with every word. </p><p>“This would all be fine if <em>you </em>didn’t go in there and open your big mouth. You don’t know what she’s been through! You can’t just get over anything like that, especially this, you dipshit!” Jack yells back. </p><p>“<em>I’m </em>not the one who cheated on her, you son of a bitch!” Daniel roars. </p><p>“Would both of you shut the fuck up!” I scream, getting over the giggles.  “I’m tired of this...whatever this is. My sister’s suffering and both of you are acting like 2 year olds!”</p><p>“None of this would’ve happened except for Jack had to mess it all up! This isn’t my fault. <em>He’s </em>the one who broke her. He did. HE DID!” Daniel continues, completely ignoring me. Corbyn grabs his arm just in case he needs to hold him back. </p><p>I march straight up to his face and look him straight in the eyes. “If you really love her, then shut the fuck up and let him go in there. I know what he did...and it's horrible and vile and he’s not a very good person for it, but Daniel, he’s the only one that <em>understands</em>. He’s the only one who's been there, okay? Jack’s the only one that can help.” </p><p>Daniel opens his mouth again, furious. With decided annoyance, I smack him across the face,  hard. <em>The way I have to resort to violence to get all them to understand things is concerning. </em></p><p>“Just stop, ok?! Sav’s in trouble and you’re more worried about whatever’s going on between you two than helping her! Just stop.” I grate out. </p><p>His mouth slowly closes. He takes a deep breath. “Well if I’m so unhelpful...then I guess I’ll just leave.” </p><p>He stalks off and the rest of the boys stare at his back, their mouths wide open. <em>What the hell just happened. What did I do?</em></p><p>“What did he just do…” Corbyn whispers. </p><p>I turn back towards the store. “Forget it. She needs us right now. Let him go sulk. Jack, please. Go in there.” </p><p>He stares at me. “She wants me? After everything I did?” </p><p>I sigh sadly and look into his eyes. “Sometimes we fall in love with people, and those people hurt us bad. Really bad. But we make excuses, we tell ourselves it's fine, and maybe we know that it’s all wrong. Maybe we don’t. Maybe we just want to stay for a little while. Maybe that feels better than letting go. We don’t register that they hurt us, because we love them too much to see a fault. Sav’s still there, she’s waiting. She’s blind and still in love. It’s killing her, Jack. It’s killing her and she can’t even admit that. And she won’t for a long, long, time. Please. I know we aren’t super close, but please do this. If not for me, do it for her. You’ve already done so much…But you’re the only one who understands. You’re the only one that can help. Please.” </p><p>He turns around wordlessly and I follow him in. I stop at the door and see Sav huddled in the corner of the bathroom. He enters and I hide behind the door. </p><p>Jack pulls Sav into his lap and brushes her hair away from her face. I can see tears coming to his eyes as he sees what his actions have done. </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>TW // indirect mentions of suicide/death</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>“I can’t do it anymore Jack...I just want to go.” she cries. “Please tell me I can go. I just wanna be done. I don’t have a reason to stay anymore.” </p><p>He rocks her back and forth. She’s a mess on the floor and her body looks limp. Her breathing is raspy and her chest barely rises. </p><p>“I know, I know...I’m sorry, Sav. I’m sorry.” he whispers, tears flooding his face.</p><p>She falls against his chest and cries in muted sobs for several minutes. He sits quietly, both of them stuck inside their minds. </p><p>I want to step inside, to hold out my hands and help her, but just as I move, Jonah moves from behind me. </p><p>“Just wait. They need each other right now. They might be broken, but at least they’re together. Let them heal...or at least try anyways.” He says quietly. </p><p>Jack starts to sing quietly. </p><p>
  <em>Just stop your crying</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's a sign of the times</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We gotta get away from here</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We gotta get away from here… <strong>(A/N sorry to ruin the moment but I just wanna say leave me and my H obsession alone ;) ) </strong></em>
</p><p>Savannah’s breathing begins to level out and she sighs softly. Jack wipes the tears from her face and continues to rock her. </p><p>
  <em>Just stop your crying</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It'll be alright</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They told me that the end is near</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We gotta get away from here</em>
</p><p>Sav’s eyes close and her body releases the rest of it’s tension. Jack continues to sing her to sleep softly, tears still streaking down his face. </p><p>
  <em>Just stop your crying</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Have the time of your life</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Breaking through the atmosphere</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And things are pretty good from here</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remember everything will be alright</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We can meet again somewhere</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Somewhere far away from here…</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. PART III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hey hey heyyyy. Part 3 here we go :). Lmao it's a long one and was very interesting to write...not gonna lie I cried a little HAHA. But wooo here we go last part!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Now, in this next part, I just wanna say before you judge me...I’m stupid. I’m not good at the whole love thing. I mean, I’m sure you’ve noticed that by now. To be fair, you try living with these guys. They’re actually crazy! And it’s important to know that we’re all sleep deprived. Sleepy Sav… not a monster you want to fight. But here we go, the final part of this story. Well, as far as I know. To be fair I’m only through 20 years of my life. The last part was a long one, and a hell of a lot happened. Like, a lottt for one month. Dunno how I survived to be honest. I can’t vouch for anything in this part, but I’m sure everyone knows...making peace with our broken pieces takes time. A whole lot of it.</p><p>I’ll say this: we make it through. I’ve learned a lot, and have so much more to go. Let’s take this final part of the journey so we can all see from the same perspective. I promise it’s worth it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ome Jonah content today in the story &lt;3. I had a lot of fun writing this part, he's the brother that's there for everything. Sometimes family isn't blood :)  Remember to treat people (and yourself!) with kindness. Much love x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Sav POV</strong>
</p><p>I groan as I turn around, hoping and praying I can stay asleep for forever, but my face bumps into something hard.  </p><p>
  <em>That's most definitely not my pillow. </em>
</p><p>"What in the?” I mutter as I rub my nose. </p><p>I hear Jonah's voice floating towards me. “Oh good, you're up. Climb up here.”</p><p>I blink stupidly, trying to adjust to the light. "Jonah what the hell.”</p><p>He snickers from the front of the car, a car that’s speeding down highway 10 at 90 miles an hour. </p><p>“On crack, all of you. And slow the hell down! This better be <em>really</em> freaking good.” I mutter, climbing into the front seat. He laughs softly. </p><p>"You're kidding me right now. Where are we going? I wanna go back to sleep. <em>In a bed</em>.” I complain. "What's going onnn.”</p><p>He rolls his eyes. "Stop whining. Against the boys and your sister's better wishes, Jack absolutely <em>refused </em>to have you admitted to the hospital. So we're going away for a couple days.”</p><p>“Oh.” I frown, vaguely remembering what happened. </p><p>I sit awkwardly, not wanting to touch on the topic of Daniel and my breakdown at nine in the morning on a car trip with Jonah. I start to process what he said and my mouth drops open. I turn to him. </p><p>"Hold on. You almost had me <em>admitted</em>?!” I screech. </p><p>"Blame Jack, he was the one who refused.” Jonah replies drily, eyes on the road. “All they said was that they were gonna give you some freaking sedatives and he went off his rocker.” </p><p>“We may not be the best right now, but dear lord Jesus thank you Jack.” I mutter, eyes wide. </p><p>"We're getting away for the weekend, a little cabin. No people, just me and you.” Jonah explains. </p><p>“Not that anyone else would want to come.” I grimace. </p><p>Jonah rolls his eyes again. “You're being paranoid. We all have our bad days.”</p><p>I huff. "More like a bad 4 months.”</p><p>Jonah scoffs. "Hey, I wasn't that bad, right?”</p><p>I laugh a bit. “Uh, excluding how mean you were when I first met you, you were actually… not that bad.”</p><p>He lifts his hands off the steering wheel in mock celebration. "Woohoo.”</p><p>A car honks at us loudly. </p><p>"Jonah Marais Roth Frantzich! Hands on the steering wheel and eyes on the road! I've been in the hospital <em>way </em>too much for a normal person!” I shriek. </p><p>Jonah laughs. "Normal person, my ass.”</p><p>I make a face and flip him off. </p><p>“Am I wrong?” he asks lazily, a smile still on his face.</p><p>~~~</p><p>We arrive at the cabin just as the sun starts to set. Without asking, Jonah grabs my bags and places them into what will be my room. I sit down at the edge of the bed and watch Jonah as he moves around the room, placing my things here and there. </p><p>“It’s not like I’m moving in, why’d you pack so much stuff?” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood. </p><p>He shrugs. “I didn’t know how long we’d be staying.” </p><p>I nod slightly. He starts taking clothes out of the bags. </p><p>“I can take out my own stuff, you know.” I frown. </p><p>He throws something at my face and I’m barely able to catch it. “Shut it and change.” </p><p>I open my hand to see my favorite pair of PJ pants, one’s that I’ve had for years. </p><p>My mouth opens. “You remembered.” </p><p>He rolls his eyes. “Of course I remember, you practically lived in those when we were together. Never saw you without them for the most part.” </p><p>I walk into the bathroom and change into the sweats and a top. I glance in the mirror and want to vomit at how I look. </p><p>I run out of the bathroom and smack Jonah’s shoulder. “Whoooo was gonna tell me how dead I look? I look like a corpse, Jonah. Eye bags for days.” </p><p>He glances up and starts laughing. “To be honest you don’t look any different than any other day.” </p><p>I wrinkle my nose. “You’re telling me I’ve looked like this for <em>how long</em>?” </p><p>He grimaces. “It’s been like this for awhile…” He trails off. </p><p>I plop down on the bed. “Ah.” </p><p>He finishes placing my stuff in the closet, even though I keep trying to help, and then we go into the kitchen. </p><p>“You want food?” he asks, browsing through the shelves. </p><p>My insides twist at the idea of it and I shake my head. “Don’t think I’d be able to keep it down.” I mumble. </p><p>He frowns slightly and I feel terrible. “I’m sorry I can try-” </p><p>He shakes his head. “You’re such a people pleaser. It’s fine, your body is worked up still. Don’t worry about it. Start worrying about taking care of yourself, smartie.” </p><p>He brews me some tea and I watch him prepare himself some pasta. He then grabs the instant coffee from the cabinets and brews it. </p><p>“You’re an actual addict.” I laugh. “Like, seriously. How many cups do you drink a day?!” </p><p>He shrugs. “Depends on the day. And hey, it’s decaf, so it’s not like I’m gonna explode or something.” </p><p>I hum and inhale the homey scent of my favorite tea. “Smells so good.” </p><p>We head into the living room and he sits beside me on the couch. “Movie? Just like the old days.” Jonah asks. </p><p>I laugh. “Yeah. Just like the old days.” </p><p>He pops in the Notebook into the VCR. “Vintage, of course.” I murmur. </p><p>Jonah grins. “Wouldn’t be right if it wasn’t.” </p><p>We both wrap ourselves in blankets and silently drink our tea and coffee. Since it’s the Notebook, of course I cry. <em>I cry for literally everything. </em>To be fair, Jonah cries a bit too. </p><p>Towards the end of the movie, just as I realize that they’ve become lucid and remember each other and everything they had once upon a time, I can’t help but feel jealous. <strong>(A/N: so basically at the end of the movie the two main characters remember who they are and that they were in love with each other and stuff :) just a little backstory) </strong></p><p>“Such a good movie.” Jonah murmurs as the credits roll. </p><p>“Yeah…” I trail off. Of course, tears start rolling right on cue. <em>Why do I always cry at the worst times. Like, seriously?! </em></p><p>“Sav, what’s wrong?” Jonah says, surprised to see me crying. </p><p>“Nothing, nothing.” I sniffle, trying to keep it together. </p><p>And then of course he has to bring his hand to my cheek and wipe away the tears. Which cued the waterworks. </p><p>“You’re making me cry more!” I laugh a little, still trying to hold it in. </p><p>“Oh well.” he laughs with me. </p><p>I scoot against his chest and we just sit in silence for a while, staring at the fire. </p><p>“I don’t know what to do.” I whisper, breaking the quiet. </p><p>He puts his arm around me, and I can tell I’m still crying. </p><p>“Why didn’t you say anything? Sav, I saw the scars. I could’ve helped. I could’ve helped you.” Jonah responds, sounding broken. </p><p>I sigh. “I didn’t want to bother anyone. I’ve already caused so much…” </p><p>“Angel,  you still could’ve said something. After all we’ve been through, I would’ve helped.” he responds, tracing my arm. <strong> (A/N: super inappropriate for rn but HEYYY ANGELLL OoOOOOooo) </strong></p><p>He stops at the most prominent scar I have, the one that never goes away no matter how much time I spend in the sun trying to tan it away. My left forearm, in the soft underskin, near my veins. Of course, not too close to be dangerous, but just toeing the line. </p><p>“I know, I know. After everything, it just didn’t seem important. It’s not anything new.” I apologize.</p><p>“It’s new to me, though.” He sighs. </p><p>I lay my head back on his chest. “I’m sorry.” </p><p>He hugs me tight. “I know, it’s not your fault. We can get through this.” </p><p>I sigh unsteadily. “But can we? Everything’s broken. I just lost my best friend and the only person that somewhat knew what was happening. And on top of that, the person who shares a life with me. Better yet, we all have to live together in a band.” </p><p>“I know. We’ve had our share of fights, all of us. We can figure it out. And you can always hang out with me. I won’t turn you away, you know that. We need to have more movie nights and more Harry Potter freakouts. I miss seeing you, Sav. We all miss you. You disappeared.” </p><p>“I’m trying.” I sniffle. “I’ll try.” </p><p>He smiles a bit. “And that’s what matters. You’re still you if you’re trying. And that’s the most important thing. You don’t have to see them, you don’t have to hang out with them. Hell, you don’t even have to talk to them.” </p><p>I feel a bit of tranquility come back to me. “Yeah.” </p><p>“It’ll be ok. We can figure it out together. You have to promise me though, if you ever get those thoughts or just need someone to talk to, you come to me, alright?” he asks. </p><p>“Okay.” I promise. </p><p>“Good.” </p><p>We fall back into the silence. It’s always been that way with Jonah. We used to sit for hours on end in bed, doing nothing but staring at the ceiling quietly, both of us engrossed in our own thoughts. It’s always a comfortable silence with him. Something about Jonah always makes me feel safe, a little get away from everything else in the world. </p><p>I hear his chest rise and fall softly, and I softly remove myself from his arms and cover him with a blanket. His eyes are peacefully closed and his hair falls in all directions, shining in the fire light. </p><p>
  <em>Jonah’s truly an amazing person. What would I do without him? He's helping, and I don't think I could last if I ran away again from him. From all of them. </em>
</p><p>He snuggles into the blanket more, a small smile gracing his lips for a second. </p><p>
  <em>My sweet, sweet Minnesota boy. </em>
</p><p>~~~</p><p>As I wake, I hear rain pouring on the roof. I wrap myself in a blanket and shrug on a hoodie. I smell coffee brewing. <em>Jonah's up. </em></p><p>A cup of coffee sits at the island while Jonah moves around the kitchen, preparing food. </p><p>"Morning.” I mumble. </p><p>He turns around, surprised. “Oh. I didn't think you'd be up yet. Morning.”</p><p>His hair is tousled and it looks both adorable and hilarious at the same time. <em>Tate scored big. </em></p><p>I shrug. "The rain woke me up. Isn't it pretty?”</p><p>He nods. "Reminds me of home a bit.”</p><p>I groan. "Don't make me miss Minnesota more.”</p><p>I make a move to grab the cup of coffee to wake me up, but Jonah smacks my hand. </p><p>"Jack told me you're not allowed to have coffee.” Jonah says awkwardly. </p><p>“Are you kidding me? Mans isn't even dating me anymore, Jonah. Pleaseeee?” I beg. </p><p>“No, he said it kicks your anxiety or something.” he says firmly. “Am I right?”</p><p>"Maybe.” I mutter. </p><p>He hums. "Drink some apple juice. You and Daniel are addicted to that shit.”</p><p>I smile a bit. "Yeah…”</p><p>He reads how hurt I still am. “It'll clear up, he's just jealous and sad. He says stuff he doesn't mean a lot. He's just stubborn. Remember that time when we were dating and he didn't talk to me for 3 days?”</p><p>I throw my head back and laugh. “Oh my gosh…”</p><p>
  <em>It's seven o’clock in the evening and I'm curled up against Jonah in the bus, reading Harry Potter with him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hermione Granger deserves to be with Draco Malfoy, fight me.” I say, fired up for a debate. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Draco Malfoy is like, horrible!”Jonah argues back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Noooo, he's misunderstood!” I whine. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Daniel opens the door and pops his head in. He looks mildly annoyed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey Dani, what's up?”I ask, smiling. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We were supposed to go out to dinner tonight on a friend's date.” he mutters. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I smack my head. “Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I'll go get ready right now.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jonah waves his hand. "Sorry, man. I was distracting her.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He grimaces. Jonah stares at him. “All good?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Daniel turns to me. "Ready to go?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod and we step out after I kiss Jonah on the forehead. "What in the?” he mutters. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shrug and we leave. </em>
</p><p>"He didn't talk to you for daysss.” I laugh. </p><p>“He could’ve just said he missed you and wanted to hang more.” Jonah sighs. "But see what I mean? He's stubborn.”</p><p>I sigh. "Yeah, I guess.”</p><p>“It'll be okay. I promise. I'll be there if you need me.” Jonah reassures. </p><p>We plop down on the couch and stare out the rain streaked window. I'm settling into the silence when all of the sudden I feel something poking against my skin. </p><p>“Uh.” I start, turning towards Jonah, but then I see what he's doing. </p><p>Tongue poking out in concentration, he's drawing a butterfly over my scar. He glances up momentarily and I smile. He continues his drawing, full of intricate designs on the butterfly's wings. </p><p>"Pretty.” I whisper. </p><p>He grins. "Very pretty.”</p><p>I examine the butterfly and see that the scar is completely covered. </p><p>“All better.” Jonah says. </p><p>"Much, much better.” I respond. </p><p>We hang around the cabin for the rest of the day, playing board games, dancing around, singing. (Jonah did the singing, I can't sing for the life of me.)</p><p>We leave at four, deciding it's time to back into the real world. We pack everything up and tuck ourselves into the car with blankets and the heater on blast. The rain falls on the outside, and it's almost therapeutic to see it running down the car windows. </p><p>“What do I do? I can't just walk back in there and be like “I'm back, losers"' I ask. </p><p>Jonah laughs. “I mean, that would be kind of hilarious.”</p><p>"Jonahhhh! My sister and best friends AND ex boyfriend all hate me.” I whine. </p><p>“If you think Skye hates you, then you're delusional. Like seriously. You guys have been through too much.” Jonah snorts. “And Jack, you'd be surprised. He fought very hard for you. He knew you wouldn't want to be admitted, refused to allow it. He sat with you for hours, that night.”</p><p>I shudder, remembering what happened. "But still, Daniel.” </p><p>Jonah shrugs. "He'll come around. Be patient. It just might...take awhile.”</p><p>I nod, still noticing the hesitation in his voice. "Yeah…”</p><p>Jonah's phone is plugged into the aux and I hear Harry's voice crooning Fine Line. Set to the rainy day outside and the warm togetherness inside the car, I feel very nostalgic. </p><p>
  <em>Put a price on emotion</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm looking for something to buy</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You've got my devotion</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But man, I can hate you sometimes</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't want to fight you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I don't wanna sleep in the dirt…</em>
</p><p>I sigh and press my head against the cool window, relaxing for the first time in a very, very, long time. </p><p>Jonah joins into the song, his deep tones harmonizing with Harry’s. </p><p>
  <em>We'll be a fine line</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We'll be a fine line</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We'll be alright</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We'll be alright… </em>
</p><p>I smile softly, drifting to sleep. <em>We'll be alright…</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Pls don't hate me I'm not tryna be problematic but this is just what came to my head. I don't think Daniel would act like this at all in real life so don't drag me lmao. Anyways yes yes have fun it's a bit of Skye for all of you :). Italics are mems of Skye's from the aftermath of the gas station. Much love to you x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Skye POV: </strong>
</p><p>I sit at the table in the tour bus, drumming my fingers against it. Zach and Corbyn are out getting food (as always). It’s been almost two days since the gas station incident and to be honest, everything is stressed between everyone. Jonah got up and left the second Sav got her checkup and okay to be out of the hospital. Jack talked to him a quick second before he carried her to the car with a bag of her stuff and they were off just like that. He didn’t even say where they went...god that wasn't a good day.... </p><p>
  <em>Once they left, we all left the hospital in a car back to the tour bus. It was a transition period between shows so we had a couple of days. No one spoke the whole ride, and Daniel was nowhere to be seen. Jack looked exhausted and at war with himself mentally. Zach and Corbyn sat in the front two seats, staring straight forward. Once they got out at the stop, it was just Jack and I sitting in the car. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you, for what you did. For Sav.” I say, breaking the silence. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looks up, surprised. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s the least I can do after everything that I did…” he trails off awkwardly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You made a mistake. Humans do that. I can’t accept an apology for Sav, that’s something that you and her need to figure out… But you’re obviously sorry, and you have bigger things to worry about. That baby isn’t going to care for herself.” I say firmly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jack sighs. “It’s going to be interesting, that’s for sure. I just wanna get the rest of the tour over so I can help Gabbie. I hate having to leave her. She’s carrying my freaking child…And I love the fans so much but I just wish that it didn’t have to be like this. ” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod in understanding. "Yeah, it's gonna be an interesting ride. But I think it'll be okay. You're strong, one of the strongest people I know. And I don't even know you super well.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He laughs. “I think I'll take that as a compliment.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We get out of the car and slowly walk into the hotel. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What are we gonna do about Daniel?” I ask. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The question hangs in the air between us. We've all been wondering but no one breached the question. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I...don't know.” Jack responds. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We continue walking.</em>
</p><p><em>“He's...stubborn. I don't know where he is or anything, but I do know that management is going to </em>kill <em>us for this. Thank god we have a couple days off.” Jack says hesitantly. </em></p><p>
  <em>"Yeah.” I mutter. “I can't believe he did that though…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jack sighs. “I mean, I get it. It's my fault, really. I'm just arrogant and stubborn and I kept him from her for those months.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shrug. “Even so, he shouldn't have said what he said.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jack forced Daniel to tell everything he had told Sav from the moment he picked her up in the car to the second she started crying for Jack at the gas station. It was...ugly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It's frustrating, I know. She doesn't know how to ask for help and sometimes I don't think she even wants people to know that she even is struggling in the first place. It's hard to ask for help from someone who doesn't know what it's like. And after everything...I'm just hoping that she'll be okay. Of course I'll understand if she doesn’t want to talk to me, but I don't want her to spiral like what just happened. I told Jonah some things to help her, but I don't want to impose, you know?” He explains. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod. “If I'm being honest, I may not like some of the stuff that's happened with you and Sav, a lot of it. But I know that you're the only one that really understands and may be able to help. And I respect you for that. So thank you for staying and trying. She might not like it, but whether or not she knows it, she needs you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We head into the hotel and get on the elevator. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He laughs and grimaces. “She's not gonna like it. And I know, what I did was wrong and it's not okay. And I dunno why it happened and there's no excuse. I just hope one day I can make it up to her. Even if it takes a while.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I laugh. "Knowing her, it's gonna be a longggg while.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wraps his arm around my shoulders. “I know you guys aren't talking right now, but I'll try to keep you updated...if she ever even speaks to me again. But I'll see what I can do behind the scenes.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We step out of the elevator and walk down the hall to our rooms. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Thank you.” I say gratefully and squeeze his hand. "Goodnight. If anything comes up, you know where to find me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once in my room, I relax a bit and am finally able to breathe. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"God, why did she have to leave?!” I groan frustratedly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Staring at the ceiling helps nothing. Like seriously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She left me, and this happens.” I sigh. "She left.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I roll over in bed uneasily. </em>
</p><p><em>“God, what is going </em>on<em>, Sav?! What is this?” I cry. </em></p><p>I shudder, thinking about what happened after I went to bed. Everything was going fine until Daniel decided it was time to show up once again...</p><p>
  <em>Someone's banging on the door and I wake with a start.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'What the hell…” I yawn. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I glance at the clock. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It's 3:57 in the morning this better be exceptionally good.” I mutter and drag myself out of bed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The person continues banging on the door. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I'll be there in a second, calm your shit! My god.” I yell. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sav…” I hear someone groan. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Uh, yikes.” I mutter. “Someone’s drunk. Now the question is, who?” </em>
</p><p><em>I peer into the peephole and see a </em>very <em>wasted Daniel staring back at me. </em></p><p>
  <em>"Holyyyyy shit. You've gone and done yourself one, haven't you?” I ask as I open the door. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He pushes past me and tumbles onto the bed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Anddddd I...am just gonna call your bandmates.” I backing away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's almost comical to see him so wasted, weak and helpless on the bed, hands covering his face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sav. Where's Sav.” he demands. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“One second, buddy, I'm uhhh… trying to look for her!” I yell from the bathroom, cell phone ringing in my ear. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Skye, I really love you, but it's four in the morning, what the fuck.” Zach mutters sleepily from the next line. </em>
</p><p><em>“Yeah, yeah, love you too. We have bigger problems. Daniel just came back and I let him into my room. Zach, mans is off his rocker. </em>Completely <em>wasted.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Oh.” he sighs, and I hear him turning over. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A few seconds later I hear him sharply intake a breath as he processes what I just said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“OH!” he gasps. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hear him scrambling to awaken Jack and his footsteps echo from the phone as he goes into the next room to awaken Corbyn. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Corbyn! Get up!” he yells. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Corbyn releases a stream of very well-chosen swear words and it takes a solid three minutes for him and Jack to realize why I'm calling. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Five minutes later, they're huddled with me in the bathroom as we discuss what to do. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What the hell are we supposed to tell him? He's literally so far gone.” Corbyn complains. "Do we call management?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"NO!” the rest of us yell. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Corbyn stares. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shrug. "You hate them as much as the rest of us do.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The hangover tomorrow is gonna be hilarious!” Zach snickers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Guys! Jonah's coming home with Sav tomorrow! We have to figure out something.” I snap. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well, I'm just saying, it's probably not good if I go in there.” Jack says. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod. "Yeah…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Someone needs to go in there, how long do we think he's just gonna stay there? And did he really mean it? What he said?” Zach continues. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The question hangs in the air, none of us speaking. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We should just get in there.” Corbyn says, changing the subject. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah.” I say quickly, and we enter the room. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He's still sitting on the bed and is motionless. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is he-” Zach says panicked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I rush over and check his pulse. Panic runs through me at the thought of his vitals being horrible and us having to bring him into the hospital. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“He's breathing. We should probably get him some water.” I sigh in relief. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Zach and Corbyn attempt to prop him up while Jack goes to get water, not wanting to be seen by Daniel. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Daniel?” I ask gently. “It's Skye. Can you tell me where you were?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He grimaces and Zach goes to turn on the lights. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Daniel?” I ask again patiently. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The lights flicker on and he groans. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Turn off the damn lights.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wave my hand and they turn off again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I was at some club. I went there after I left.” he says bitterly. "Do you have any advil?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Um, yeah. Yeah.” I rifle through my suitcase. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After finding some I turn back to him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How are you feeling?” I ask tentatively. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You mean am I gonna leave the band?” he replies roughly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I back up away from him warily. He waves his hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Chill, I'm not gonna hurt you. Of course I wouldn't. And no, I'm not. But you need to get your sister under control.” he replies. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I frown. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No need to snarl the word sister like that.” I hear Jack mutter from behind me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thankfully Daniel hasn't noticed that Jack's in the room. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Um. Yeah.” I reply. “We aren't...exactly talking.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well find someone that will. Because I can't be in the band if she's there.” he snaps. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sigh. “She can't just leave. I don't think that would be good for her. We only have a little of the tour left. Just...deal with it and then she'll leave. I can leave too.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No!” he says frustratedly. “I didn't mean it like that. I don't know, I just- I don't know, okay?!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I raise my hands. “Okay. Sorry.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He puts his head in his hands. “I just. I don't know.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay. It's okay. Just...get some sleep.” I say softly. “I'll stay with Zach.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He turns over and Zach, Jack, and Corbyn speak quietly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What?” I ask.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Zach sighs. "Daniel can get like...this. When he's drunk. Usually it's fine because we're with him. I just hope he's okay.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sigh. “I mean, I'm not a doctor or anything but his breathing is fine and he's responsive. I think he's just really confused. It should be fine. I don't think we should tell Sav about this, though.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They nod. “Yeah.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can stay here with him. Jack, you can take my room.” Corbyn volunteers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nod. “Okay, I'll go with Zach then.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay.” Jack agrees. “We're seriously playing musical hotel rooms.” </em>
</p><p>I smile softly. The only plus that night was that I was able to stay with Zach for the night. Usually I don't because I'll stay with Sav or we're in the tour bus, and there I sleep by myself. </p><p>"Hey.” I look up, surprised to see Daniel standing beside me, coffee in hand. </p><p>"Hi.” I say softly, and motion for him to sit. </p><p>"Jonah should be back soon.” I say tentatively, trying to make conversation. </p><p>Neither of us say Sav's name, especially when we're around each other. Seeing Daniel so ruined over my sister breaks my heart, and I don't even know why. Not that I wanna think about her either. </p><p>“Oh. Yeah.” he says quickly. </p><p>We both know we're thinking about the exact same thing, the exact same person. And we both hate it about ourselves.</p><p>I hear someone knocking on the door and we both rise to get it. We’re staring at each other awkwardly when we see the short figure of Jack slither in between us and open the door to Jonah carrying a sleeping Sav in his arms. He raises his finger to his mouth, telling us to be quiet and let her sleep, and with Jack's help, they lift her into the bus and away from us. She's wrapped in his jacket, sleeping peacefully. Her mouth's slightly open and she's got a bit of color back to her face. Jack and him speak in rushed quiet tones. Both of them kiss her on the forehead (Sav wouldn't be happy to know Jack did that) before shutting her curtain and letting her sleep in her bunk. They stand in the kitchen and don't bother to glance our way. </p><p>“Well.” I breathe out, sitting down again, across the bus from them. </p><p>Daniel sits beside me silently. He's got a pained look on his face and tries not to return my gaze.</p><p>“So that’s it, isn’t it?” he finally lets out. </p><p>“Huh?” I ask, confused. </p><p>“That’s it. She’s gone.” Daniel sighs, and I can see that he’s frustrated. </p><p>“She’s...right there?” I reply, still a little confused. </p><p>“No! No.” he snaps, the grimaces. “Sorry, sorry.” </p><p>“It’s fine…?” I trail off. “I’m confused. Wanna speak in full sentences, bud?” </p><p>After that night, the both of us had formed a little alliance, a little truce for the time being, to talk to each other. It’s gonna be a long while until I forgive him for what he said to Savannah that night, but due to Sav leaving, it almost makes it easier just to hang around Daniel. He doesn’t talk a lot, but at least he doesn’t constantly ask if I’m alright like Zach and Corbyn have been doing. Jack stays holed up in the bunk room, either on the phone with Gabbie prepping for the kid with management, or doing who knows what. </p><p>“Every twenty seconds…” Daniel whispers. </p><p>He flips his phone up and shows me his notifications bar. I make a confused face at him but he continues on like I’m not there. </p><p>“Every <em>twenty seconds</em>. I check my phone every TWENTY SECONDS. Hoping, praying.” his voice inclines the longer he speaks. “<em>Praying</em> it’s her. Telling me that it’s okay, it’s alright. That she doesn’t hate me.” </p><p>“Daniel-” I start. </p><p>“That I didn’t mess up so bad. That I didn’t lose her.” He puts his head in his hands. </p><p>“Daniel you can’t just-” I start again but he cuts me off. </p><p>“And I try to stop, I really do. I try to move on.” He looks up at me, eyes full of tears. “But <em>every time</em>. EVERY TIME. Every time. It’s always someone else.” </p><p>At this point everyone is staring at Daniel. Jack and Jonah’s mouths are open wide with surprise. </p><p>“Sorry.” he mutters, and sinks back into his chair. </p><p>Everyone silently goes back to what they were doing, Jonah and Jack eventually going back to their quiet conversation. There’s a strange sort of awkwardness in the air that no one breaks. So we all just sit there. </p><p>“Daniel, she’s just-” I whisper, trying to comfort him. </p><p>“No.” he rasps quietly. “It’s fine.” </p><p>I’m taken a little aback by the whole outburst and decide it might be time to leave. </p><p>
  <em>I’m not the best one to get in a fight with. At this point I might have a breakdown too. </em>
</p><p>“I can leave, if you want.” I say softly, rising to my feet. </p><p>“No!” he says in a normal volume, and the boys stare at him again. “Please. Just stay.” </p><p>I sit back down, pondering how everything happened. <em>What does he mean? They’re best friends. Of course they’ll be fine. It just needs time. Time fixes everything. Right? Right. Why’s he so worked up? I get they were best friends, but he should know she’ll eventually come back. It’s not like him to get so distraught, they’ve fought before. It’s not like they were dating. They were...attached at the hip. Best friends. </em></p><p>Andddd then it comes to me. </p><p>“Oh god.” I gasp, working it all out. “Ohhh.” </p><p>He glances up, eyes bloodshot from the hangover that’s been killing him for the last day and presumably from crying as well. </p><p>“Yeah.” he says defeatedly. “Yeah.” </p><p>I scoot a little closer to him. I don’t try to say anything, try to comfort him at all. Just sit. Be the person who knows how fucked it all is, how hopeless. Be the person who understands.</p><p>
  <em>If only we all just understood it all...</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>this chapter was fun to make :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Sav POV</strong>
</p><p>I pull my hood up as I slip into the venue of the day. </p><p>“Only 4 shows left. 4 shows to go.” I mumble to myself. </p><p>The boys are hanging out backstage with Skye, so I don’t go anywhere near there. I plop down in a chair in the audience and try to edit some pictures. Music makes everything go faster. Just as I’m getting through the bulk of last night’s photos, I see the shadow of a figure flit past me. I turn around quickly and almost scream. </p><p>“Jonah! What the hell!” I gasp, breath knocked out of me. </p><p>I pull out my Airpods. </p><p>“You’re gonna be the death of me, you know that?” I complain. “Scared the shit out of me.” </p><p>He laughs. “Gotcha.” </p><p>He sits down beside me and we sit in silence for a little bit. </p><p>“You can’t just not take pictures of him, you know.” he says out of nowhere. </p><p>“Jonah-” I start, eyes flashing. </p><p>He shrugs. </p><p>“<em>Don’t </em>go there. Please.” I beg. “Just don’t.” </p><p>“Okay, when I said you didn’t have to talk to them or look at them I didn’t mean all the time! Sav you can’t hide from them forever. It’s your sister! And ex! And best friend!” Jonah says, exasperated. </p><p>“Fine. Just not today.” I sigh, knowing full well it won’t be tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or the one after that. You get the picture. </p><p>Jonah shakes his head sadly. “Okay. But seriously. You can’t run from it for the rest of eternity.” </p><p>“Jonah, I’m scared.” I say, for once letting my emotions get to me. </p><p>
  <em>I sound like a baby. Like an actual infant. </em>
</p><p>Jonah nods. “I know. It might not be pretty. Daniel’s...not been the best.” </p><p>I turn to him concerned. “What happened?” </p><p>“Nothing really.” Jonah says airily. </p><p>“You’re such a bad liar.” I laugh. “So bad.” </p><p>Jonah sighs. “I don’t wanna say something that’s private...you know? Trying to stay neutral. He’s just really not doing the best.” </p><p>I nod. “Oh.” </p><p>“Yeah.” He agrees. “Well, I need to get back. Coming?” </p><p>I shake my head. “No, I’m good here, thanks.” </p><p>“Okay.” He smiles sadly and turns back to the stage to go to Wardrobe. </p><p>“It’s fine.” I mumble to myself. “Fine.” </p><p>
  <em>It’s really not. </em>
</p><p>My mind doesn’t want to admit it, but deep down I knew. It really isn't. Really. </p><p>~~~</p><p>“THANK YOU! WE LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH!” </p><p>The boys bow and the crowd screams and shouts. I return backstage and quickly return my lenses and camera to the crew and flee as soon as possible. </p><p>This show, I didn’t go close to Daniel or Skye, opting to stay close to Jonah and Jack. </p><p>
  <em>It’s awkward taking pictures of Jack. No one talks about that night. Do I say thank you? Is that weird? It’s totally weird. Whatever. </em>
</p><p>“Savannah!” </p><p>I pull my hood up again, guessing it’s a fan as I walk outside of the venue. </p><p>“Sav!” </p><p>
  <em>Why can’t they leave me alone! My god. </em>
</p><p>“Sav!” </p><p>Someone grabs the back of my jacket and I almost scream. Zach’s standing across from me, very out of breath and looking mildly annoyed. </p><p>“Ah. Sorry. I thought you were a fan.” I say awkwardly. “And what is it with you boys and scaring people?! I swear.” </p><p>He shrugs and surges on. “We’re taking you to dinner tonight.” </p><p>“Sorry?” I ask, arching my brow.</p><p>“You, me and Corbyn.” Zach pushes. </p><p>“Oh.” I say, surprised. “Are you sure?” </p><p>He stares at me like I’m dumb. “Uh. Yeah?” </p><p>“Um, okay then.” I say nervously. “We should go soon, then.” </p><p>He nods and we walk back to the bus in silence. I step in and Corbyn’s waiting. He smiles at me, and it’s a bit awkward, but they both seem relieved that I agreed to come. </p><p>“Hi.” I say quickly. “I’ll just, uh. Get changed then.” </p><p>They nod and I practically run towards the closet area. </p><p>
  <em>What did I just get myself into? And why the hell do they wanna take me out to dinner. I’m pretty sure they think that I’m like, insane or something. </em>
</p><p>“Sav, ready?” Corbyn calls. </p><p>“Oh! Um, yeah.” I scramble, finding some clothes and taking off the sweaty ones I was wearing during the concert. </p><p>We walk to a rental awkwardly, not really saying something. Once we make it to the little diner, I’m about to combust with social awkwardness. </p><p>
  <em>This...is horrible. </em>
</p><p>We sit down, them across from me, and I feel very put on the spot. I say the first thing that comes to mind after the waitress comes and takes our orders. </p><p>“So. Thank you guys for voting to have me admitted. Such a vote of confidence.” I say, breaking the silence. </p><p>
  <em>Holy shit. Why did I just say that. You have got to be kidding me. Of ALL the things I could have said. </em>
</p><p>Corbyn can’t help but break a small smile at the joke, but Zach stays uncharacteristically quiet. <em>Huh. He was always the one to take my humor more than the others. Does he hate me now? God, I knew that it would be weird but is he not gonna talk to me at all now? He was just talking earlier though. What’s going on? </em></p><p>The sinking feeling in my stomach only worsens as he stays silent. </p><p>“I mean-” Corbyn starts, laughing a little. </p><p>I smile. “No seriously. I don’t blame you.” </p><p>“We need to talk to you about Skye.” Zach cuts me off. </p><p>The smile melts off my face quickly. </p><p>“Ah. So that’s why you brought me here. Here I was thinking it was for fun.” I say sarcastically, a little hurt. </p><p>“Sav, she’s spiraling.” Zach says, ignoring my remark. </p><p>Corbyn nods. “As much as I love you, Savannah, this really isn’t working.” </p><p>“What do you mean? She has you guys.” I ask, confused. </p><p>
  <em>She seemed like she was doing fine. </em>
</p><p>“While you’re hanging out in your bunk or with Jonah, she’s…lying on the floor crying to Louis Tomlinson.” Zach explains. </p><p>“You’re kidding.” I laugh a little. </p><p>“I wish.” Corbyn says, a little distastefully. “It’s getting pretty bad.” </p><p>“Ah.” I grimace. “She does that when she gets sad.” </p><p>“We know.” They say in unison, both of them looking a little exasperated. </p><p>“It’s really that bad?” I ask. </p><p>I can’t help but laugh a little. </p><p>To my surprise, Zach laughs too. </p><p>“Yeah.” he says, and now can’t stop. </p><p>He laughs for a solid 3 minutes, and it’s quite comical to watch. </p><p>“He’s...been stressed.” Corbyn whispers, when I look at him asking what’s going on. </p><p>“You don’t even know what it’s been like this week.” Zach says, finally stopping a bit. </p><p>I shrug. “I mean, sorry guys.” </p><p>They sober up real quick. Zach opens his mouth and I can tell he thinks that I’m going to turn him down. </p><p>“No, no. I mean I’m sorry...for what happened.” I say quickly. </p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>Corbyn sighs. “It’s not your fault.” </p><p>“Kinda is.” I mutter. </p><p>“No. It’s not. I’m serious.” Zach cuts me off, catching what I said. “It’s not. We’ve...not been doing the best. All of us. Something was bound to happen, this has been a long time in the making. We’re all kind of...messed up I guess.” </p><p>“Don’t make yourself feel so bad, no one else has tried to commit yet so I think it’ll be okay.” I say airily. </p><p>They crack smiles again but I can tell they’re still worried for me.</p><p>“Guys,” I sigh. “I appreciate the whole big brother type thing going on here, but I’m okay. It’ll get better. I mean, it’s not gonna go away like magic, but I’m...trying, I guess. It should get better.” </p><p>
  <em>Hopefully. </em>
</p><p>“Hopefully.” Corbyn echoes. </p><p>“You just took those words out of my mind.” I say in surprise. </p><p>“Little actress.” Zach mutters. “Stop acting like everything’s okay, Sav. It’s fine to say you’re not doing good.” </p><p>“Seriously, we know the weather’s not too good in your head right now.” Corbyn says, earnestly. </p><p>I wrinkle my nose. “That was so cliche.” </p><p>He sighs, so I become serious. </p><p>“Okay sorry, sorry.” I apologize.</p><p>“So maybe I’m not doing the best right now.” I admit. </p><p>They nod. </p><p>“We’re always here. And your sister should be here for you too. You need to talk to her.” Zach promises. “Please?” </p><p>I ponder it for a little while I dig into some PHENOMENAL fries. </p><p>“Anxiety may give me digestive issues, but fries cure all.” I mutter. </p><p>“Savannahhhh.” Zach pleads. </p><p>“Anddd now you’re back to normal.” I say, pointing a fry at his face. </p><p>He frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean.” </p><p>I roll my eyes. “This has been like, so awkward for like the past half hour. But now you’re back to normal. You’re <em>speaking </em>to me normal anyways. No one whines like Zachary Herron whines.” </p><p>“Ah. Sorry.” He says, and it gets awkward.</p><p>Corbyn groans. “Now it’s awkward again.” </p><p>I shrug, but I can’t help giggling a little. </p><p>“You and Skye, giggling at the worst possible moments.” Zach grumbles. “You know that night, when everything was in like a complete frenzy, she couldn’t stop giggling?”</p><p>Hearing this sets me off even more.</p><p>Corbyn sighs. “You made her laugh <em>more</em>, you dipshit!” </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I gasp for air, tears streaming down my face from laughing. “But that’s just <em>so good</em>. I’m gonna hold this one over her for years. Hilarious!” </p><p>“Soooo you’ll do it?” Zach says, spotting a loophole. </p><p>I roll my eyes again. “Yeah, I’ll do it. Jonah’s been harassing me for the past day to do it anyways.” </p><p>“Thank god!” Corbyn gasps. </p><p>I make a face. “Wow, you really don’t like me that much? Here I was thinking you were being nice.” </p><p>He laughs. “If I have to hear Skye blasting Walls ONE MORE TIME.” <strong>(A/N: stream Walls for clear skin &lt;3) </strong></p><p>Zach groans. “I like Tomlinson and everything but WE CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.” </p><p>I snicker. “Wait til I tell her that you guys forced me to talk to her because you couldn’t stand hearing Lou sing. It’s overrrr.” </p><p>They stare at me terrified. </p><p>“Have fun learning all the lyrics.” I say airily. </p><p>“Sav! You heard nothing.” Corbyn begs. </p><p>He looks genuinely frightened. This, of course, sets me off again. </p><p>“People are looking at you.” Zach says slyly, which shuts me right up. </p><p>I make a face. “Whatever.” . </p><p>Zach smiles. “It's nice to have you back. You know...be able to talk and stuff. I missed you.” </p><p>Corbyn fakes vomiting. “Sappy.” </p><p>I, however, blush a bit.</p><p>“Aw. I missed you too.” I reply. </p><p>Corbyn sighs. “Okay, maybe I missed you too.” </p><p>I turn to him and smile cheekily. “I knew you didn’t bring me here for nothing.” </p><p>We eat a little bit in silence. </p><p>
  <em>Good silence. It’s been awhile since that’s happened. A long, long while. I missed it. </em>
</p><p>“Guys.” I start nervously. “She doesn’t- hate me, right?” </p><p>They turn to each other. </p><p>“I mean, of course she doesn’t hate you.” Corbyn explains. </p><p>“But she’s not exactly-uh. <em>Happy </em>with you, I’d say.” Zach finishes, a little hesitant. </p><p>“But it’s fine. It’s Skye.” Corbyn says quickly, seeing my face fall. “Skye’s not very good at being mad.” </p><p>I shrug. “Yeah, but this is a little different.” </p><p>Zach nudges my foot under the table. “But you’re Sav and Skye. You guys do the impossible.” </p><p>I can’t help but crack a smile. “Oh yeah? The impossible, really.” </p><p>Corbyn snickers. “You make us look good. In pictures. And like, put together.” </p><p>I snap my fingers. </p><p>“And that, my dear, is the art of blackmail.” I giggle. </p><p>“Not fair.” Zach laughs. </p><p>“Not fair at all.” Corbyn agrees. </p><p>I make a face. “What works, works.”</p><p>Corbyn shrugs. “You have a point.” </p><p>We all laugh and the air is considerably cleared. </p><p>“I’m happy you guys forced me to come.” I admit quietly. “I appreciate it. I’m not very good at making myself do stuff when I’m not doing well. So thanks.” </p><p>Corbyn nods. “Of course. I’m really happy you’re getting better. Some of your color has definitely returned to you since everything that happened.” </p><p>
  <em>I love how ‘everything that happened’ is now the new phrase for that night. Very catchy. </em>
</p><p>“We’re glad to have you back, sista.” Zach winks. </p><p>I giggle. “Cheesy.” </p><p>Corbyn nods his head in agreement. “<em>So </em>cheesy.” </p><p>Zach grins obnoxiously. “You wouldn’t want it any other way.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>this one was interesting; some ~sister bonding~ :) (Meaning they stop not talking to each other HAHA) love u &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <b>TW// Implied reference of death</b>
  </em>
</p><p>I nervously get out of the car, apprehensive for what I know I have to do. </p><p>“It’s gonna be fine.” Corbyn whispers. </p><p>“You got this.” Zach reassures. </p><p>They make little cheering motions with their arms and I roll my eyes. </p><p>“Oh, shut up. You’re just happy she won’t be all depressy like me. <em>I’m </em>the one doing all the work.” I grumble. </p><p>They smile cheekily. </p><p>“You know you love us.” Zach says in a sing-song voice. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” I sigh. </p><p>“Seriously though, you two need each other. So get your ass in there.” Corbyn says.</p><p>“Thank you guys.” I say shyly. “For taking me out.” </p><p>They each hug me. </p><p>“Of course. And don’t forget to talk to us more. We want our sister back!” Zach says breezily.</p><p>“We missed you.” Corbyn agrees.</p><p>I smile. “Missed you too. But you’re talking like I’m moving away.” </p><p>They laugh. </p><p>I roll my eyes and wave. </p><p>“I’ll be back in like an hour. If not, then I’m probably dead.” I cock my head. “Death by twin sister. That would be a good headline.” </p><p>They stare at me like I’m crazy. </p><p>“Okay okay, I’m going.” I laugh. “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.” </p><p>They wave obnoxiously and I make a face before stepping into the bus. </p><p>Jonah’s chilling on the couch with a cup of coffee and Jack’s in the back room talking on the phone. Daniel’s nowhere to be seen. (Like usual)</p><p>
  <em>Thank god. Imagine if he was here. </em>
</p><p>I sigh sadly. <em>It’s gotten to the point that I’m scared to see him. I should talk to him, shouldn’t I. Should I? I don’t know...after what he said. But he was my best friend. Gah, another time. It’s time to get my sister back. Somehow. If she’ll take me back. Imagine if she didn’t. </em></p><p>“Anddd that is enough thinking for thirty seconds, thank you.” I mutter to myself. </p><p>Jonah looks up from Harry Potter. “Hey you. How you doing?” </p><p>“Fine, thank you. Stop asking me that every five seconds you see me.” I wrinkle my nose. “It’s weird.” </p><p>“Stop talking to yourself every five seconds.” He mimics. “It’s weird.” </p><p>I roll my eyes. “Very funny.” </p><p>“Anyways, whatcha doin?” He wiggles his eyebrows. </p><p>“You’re weird, you know that?” I ask him. “And I’m making...friends, as Zach calls it.” </p><p>He stares at me like I’ve gone crazy. </p><p>“Making friends with Skye.” I finish. </p><p>His mouth drops into a perfect little o. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Shut up and stop looking like you just saw me fly or something.” I wave my hand exasperated. </p><p>He manages to form his mouth into a smile and gives me a thumbs up. </p><p>“Woooo. Yay Sav! Making friends.” He cheers quietly. “Before you know it, everyone will love you.” <strong>(A/N: my friend and I have a joke about "making friends" basically I'm terrified of him but we call it making friends bc I'm forcing myself to step out of my comfort zone aha) </strong></p><p>I make a face and he blows me a dramatic kiss. </p><p>“Save it for Tate.” I giggle before walking over to the bunk room. </p><p>I open the door quietly and see Skye sprawled out in the middle of the corridor between bunks. She’s lying with her back on the floor, guitar on her chest, strumming out the chords to Walls. Louis’s voice is in the background. I have to stifle a giggle because 1) she looks hilarious, 2) I would do exactly the same thing. </p><p><em>It’s funny how alike we are. </em> </p><p>“You know, Louis Tomlinson can’t be your therapy for the rest of your life.” I say drily, leaning against the doorway. </p><p>She turns to me and immediately, her body language becomes closed off. She closes up and her eyes don’t have her normal warm twinkle that invites you to talk to her. </p><p>
  <em>Ouch. </em>
</p><p>“How would you know.” She replies coldy after a minute in silence. </p><p>
  <em>Oof. Good one. A little low, but good one. </em>
</p><p>I raise my brows. “I...wouldn’t.” </p><p>She turns around again, back facing away from me. </p><p>“I’ve been looking into getting help.” I offer, hoping to get her to at least speak. </p><p>She ignores me for a couple minutes, busying herself by putting away her guitar. </p><p>“You know, I spent hours. <em>Hours</em>, crying after you left.” She says abruptly, turning to face me. </p><p>“Skye, I-” I start. </p><p>She turns back around. “No. No, you let me talk.” </p><p>I close my mouth in surprise. </p><p>“I thought it was a joke when you left. A fucking <em>joke</em>. That you were just going to get some coffee, that you’d come back an hour later and say ‘got you!’. But no. Oh no. The next time I hear from you, it’s through Zach, that you’re losing oxygen at some gas station, in the middle of nowhere. That you were hyperventilating and could be in critical condition. And I get there, and you know what I see?” she demands angrily. “You know what I saw?!” </p><p>I stare at her, surprised at her outbreak, ashamed as she put what I did to her into words. </p><p>“I’ll tell you what I saw. I saw Jack and Daniel at each other’s throats. I had to <em>physically</em> tear them apart. I saw the band in ruin. And the ambulance! Don’t get me started on the ambulance!” She says, getting riled up. “You know how I can barely talk to <em>Tyler </em>without freaking out, and he’s our fucking management! I could barely look the stupid fucking EMT in the face! Do you know what happened when you decided to leave?!” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” I whisper softly. </p><p>
  <em>What did I do? What happened?</em>
</p><p>“For <em>days</em>, I’ve been wondering. Days. Ever since you left. Did I do something wrong? Was I the person that did something to drive you away? Was it me? You LEFT, Sav. You left with no explanation. <em>You left me</em>.” She cries. “YOU LEFT ME.” </p><p>“I’m sorry, okay?” I scream. “I know I fucked up. I know, okay? I’m sorry! But not everything’s about you Skye. There’s more to my life than just you! I have other things going on!” </p><p>“Not everything’s about me?!” She echos me angrily. “NOT EVERYTHING’S ABOUT ME?!” </p><p>“No! You aren’t my entire world anymore Skye!” I yell back, fed up with the niceties. </p><p>“So not everything’s about me! So maybe it’s not!” She shrieks. “But I’ll tell you what. Everything  starts being about me when you leave me. It starts being about me when the next time I see you, you’re splayed on a bathroom floor in your ex-boyfriend’s lap. It starts being about me, when the time that I see, the next time I <em>touch </em>you, you’re not breathing. WHEN I SAW YOU IN THAT BATHROOM, YOUR HEART ALMOST STOPPED.” </p><p>My mouth drops open and the blood rushes to my head. “What?” </p><p>She stares at me angrily. “They thought you were dead. They thought they had to restart your heart. <em>They thought you were gone</em>. After Jack sat with you, everyone thought you were asleep. We just left you two there. But he saw your chest wasn’t rising. He saw you were moving. <em>Even JACK FREAKING AVERY thought you were dead</em>!” </p><p>“I’m sorry- I didn’t know...” I try to explain. </p><p>She starts to cry and I feel tears coming to my eyes as well. “No one told you?” </p><p>I shake my head sadly. </p><p>“I thought you were gone, Sav. All the way.” She says, still a little angry. She comes closer to me and I move past the door frame, onto the floor, to sit and regain myself. </p><p>“Why’d you leave?” She whispers after a little bit of silence. “You promised me…” </p><p>“I promised you.” I respond sadly. </p><p>“You promised me you’d stay. Why’d you go?” She repeats in a broken voice. “After everything. And you still left.” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” I repeat. “I’m sorry...” </p><p>She shakes her head. “I know. I just-” </p><p>She sighs. I stare at her, not knowing what to say. </p><p>“I thought you were gone forever. I don’t think I could do that, you know?” She says sadly. “I don’t know how I’d live. You’re all I have now, Sav. You’re all I’ve had in a long time. We’re all <em>we’ve </em>had in a long time. I don’t know what I’d do.” </p><p>I nod sadly, and swipe away the tears from my face. </p><p>“Well, we have Caspary, right? And the boys?” I say hopefully. “Well…” </p><p>She sees me trail off and flicks my hand. “We have the boys.” </p><p>I nod, but the hidden words are there. <em>Daniel’s...gone. I don’t even know how to talk to Jack, either. </em></p><p>“No one can replace you.” She starts again. “You’re my <em>sister</em>, Sav. My best friend.” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” I reply hollowly. “I really am. I just- I didn’t <em>know</em>. I dunno. I just thought if I left, then maybe the problems would go away. Everything would just...disappear.” </p><p>She shakes her head. “You know just as well as I do, that wouldn’t go well.” </p><p>I giggle a little, tears still staining my face. Skye starts to laugh too. </p><p>“You look...so bad right now.” She says, giggling even more. </p><p>My mouth drops open. “You’re one to talk.” </p><p>“Okay raccoon eyes.” She shoots back, and that gets us going. </p><p>The giggling doesn’t stop and the laughter brings us rolling around on the floor. </p><p>“Who knew laughing at each other was such good medicine.” Skye hiccups. </p><p>We’re laying side by side on the floor, sides aching from laughing so hard. </p><p>“Who knew.” I echo. </p><p>We stare at the ceiling for a while in silence.</p><p>
  <em>More comfy silence. I really missed it. More than I realized. Who knew you could miss such a thing. </em>
</p><p>“Sav.” Skye breaks into my thoughts. </p><p>I turn my head to look at her. We stare at each other, our faces a foot apart. </p><p><em>Just like when we were little. </em> </p><p>“Please don’t leave.” she whispers. </p><p>“Never.” I promise. “Never again.” </p><p>She grabs my hand and we continue to stare at the ceiling until we hear the bunk room door open. </p><p>Jonah, Corbyn, and Zach tumble in, one on top of the other. </p><p>I groan. “How much of our conversation did you just hear?” </p><p>They stand up awkwardly. </p><p>Corbyn gasps when he sees our mascara stained faces, eliciting eye rolls from Skye and I. </p><p>“Well-” Corbyn starts. </p><p>“I mean-” Jonah says over him. </p><p>They all stare at each other and then Zach decides to speak. </p><p>“You said if you didn’t come out in an hour…” He shrugs. </p><p>“Remember? Sister murder?” Corbyn adds helpfully. </p><p>“Rude.” Skye mutters. </p><p>“Okayyy, time to goooo!” I say, lying back down. </p><p>“We only came when you guys started laughing...one minute you were screaming and then all we heard was giggles.” Jonah explains. </p><p>“Leave.” Skye and I say in unison. </p><p>They stare and I wave my hand. </p><p>“Bye!” </p><p>They reluctantly turn around and leave. </p><p>“Do you think they’re okay?” I hear Zach mutter to Corbyn.</p><p>Skye and I start to giggle again which prompts them to get out the room even faster. We turn back on our backs and just stare at the ceiling. </p><p>“But tell me Walls isn't the best album.” Skye says out of the blue. </p><p>“You're funny. Have you <em>met </em>HS1?!” I reply. </p><p>She huffs. "Listen here sweetie-”</p><p>I laugh a little and take in her scent. </p><p><em>Good to be home</em>.</p><p>
  <strong>A/N normally I don't do notes at the end of a chapter but DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE SENSORY MEMORIES? Pls tell me i'm not crazy. lmao like when I smell something it reminds me of someone or something in my life. idk man. </strong>
</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>hhhhh. Thriving. Enjoy this aha. Very very LONG so have fun reading. Yes Jacky and Savannah are making up. (Kind of...?) Love x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>TW//Mentions of suicide; implied self harm</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The air considerably lightened after that night. We laid on the floor for a while, talking about who knows what. Skye gave me a few more details of what happened the night. I asked about Daniel, just once. She said he was doing fine, and that was the end of the subject. The next day, we prepped for the concert and everything went very smoothly. I stayed away from Jack and Daniel still, they didn't want to be around me and I didn't want to be around them. Skye and I had a mutual agreement, she would follow them two while I took on Jonah, Corbyn, and Zach. </p><p>But of course, knowing me, it's not a full day if <em>something</em> interesting doesn't happen. </p><p>“It's...been a good day, I guess.” I comment to Skye as we walk back to the bus. </p><p>"That's good!” She cheers. </p><p>"You're so optimistic.” I mutter. </p><p>"You're so pessimistic.” She mocks. </p><p>I shrug. “I can't help it, there's always something that has to ruin some sort of happiness.”</p><p>She sighs. "Well don't like, <em>manifest</em> it. I swear you spend so much time thinking negative that it's probably the reason bad things happen.”</p><p>I make a face. "Well when you put it that way…”</p><p>“C’mon let's go edit these.” She laughs, waving her camera. </p><p>She gets some coffee brewing and we plop down at the table. </p><p>“There’s so...many!” She groans. </p><p>“At least they look good, right?” I agree, tilting my head. </p><p>I hold out a print from a couple nights ago against the light. </p><p>“He looks good.” I think aloud, scrutinizing a picture of Jack. “Good job, Skye.” </p><p>“Thanks.” I hear a voice say from behind me. </p><p>I turn around to see Jack standing in the doorway, the other boys walking in with him. </p><p>“So. How was the show?” I ask, purposely avoiding his response. </p><p>Jonah nods. “Pretty good, if I do say so myself. The fans here always go hard.” </p><p>I grimace. “You can say that again.” </p><p>Corbyn snickers. “You act like they’re trying to kill you or something.” </p><p>“Well, I mean-” Skye starts, but Zach comes from behind her and gives her a hug. </p><p>“Hi.” He whispers in her ear. </p><p><em>Oh, to have someone and be in love</em>. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, Zach. We get it. Don’t make me feel more lonely.” Corbyn says drily. </p><p>“Save it for a room, you two.” I chime in. </p><p>The coffee timer goes off and Jonah flees for it the moment he realizes what we made. </p><p>“Mine!” He cheers, pouring himself a large cup. </p><p>“How do you, like, sleep?” I ask, making a face. <em>He drinks coffee like every day is his last on earth. </em></p><p>“I don’t.” He replies with a cheeky smile, drinking deeply from the cup before moving into the back room to turn on the Xbox. </p><p>Corbyn and Zach run towards there as well. </p><p>“Boys and their video games.” I hear Skye mutter. </p><p>“What is it I have to do to take his attention away from them?” She wonders. </p><p>“Literally just. Kiss him or something, I dunno.” I reply.</p><p>She gets up and grabs a cup of coffee before turning back to me. </p><p>“And I, am going to go try that.” She says with a wicked smile.</p><p>I wave half-heartedly and get up to get myself some coffee as well. I almost forget I’m not alone until I see Jack move closer to me. </p><p>“Oh. Sorry.” I say awkwardly, as I almost bump into him, moving to grab a mug. </p><p>“Is that a good idea?” He asks earnestly, as I pour a cup. </p><p>“It’s...fine?” I ask. </p><p>“You know as well as I do it’s your trigger.” He sighs. </p><p>“Okay. Maybe I just want some coffee…” I trail off. </p><p>“Sav.” He starts, reaching to take the coffee away from me. </p><p>“Hey! I can have it if I want!” I snap. </p><p>“No! You’re going to spiral!” He bites back. </p><p>“Who are you to tell me what to do?!” I yell. “I can do what I want!” </p><p>He makes a disgusted face. “<em>Maybe</em>, I was just looking out for you!” </p><p>“Well stop! I’m fine.” I reply angrily. “I’m fine!” </p><p>“Are you?” He says scathingly, before turning and stepping outside. </p><p>I throw the mug of coffee into the sink, furious. It splashes all over my hands, and the burning sensation brings back thoughts that I really, really want to forget. I try to push it to the back of my mind and focus on what just happened. I don’t even bother to pull on a coat and step into the freezing cold of the parking lot. It’s pouring rain and I immediately regret the decision. Someone’s playing music nearby loudly and it makes me distracted for a second. I stare at the house that it’s coming from. A couple is sitting together on the couch, loving wrapped together in an embrace and staring into the fire. I turn back to what I’m doing and shake my head. I run up to Jack and pull his hand, hard. He’s walking away from the bus and is staring at the ground. </p><p>“What are you doing?” I ask, furious. </p><p>He stares back at me, brown eyes full of something I can’t place. “What?” </p><p>“What are you doing? What is this? We’re done. We’ve been done. What are you doing?” I say frustrated, the words what are you doing still floating around in my head. </p><p>“I-” he starts, but I cut him off. </p><p>“What are you doing?! Why do you care?! You aren’t supposed to care! You’re supposed to leave me. Leave me!” I yell. “Just fucking leave me, Jack! What the hell are you doing? Leave.” </p><p>“Savannah, I can’t just do that.” he says quietly. </p><p>“No! Yes you can! Stop caring! Stop caring and leave me alone! What are you doing Jack?! You can’t rule my life anymore! We’re done and you have to stop caring. I can’t handle you caring. You have to stop caring!” I continue, thankful no ones around to hear me screaming. </p><p>“You know what? Fine! Savannah, I would stop caring if I could!” he starts back, beginning to get riled up. </p><p>“It doesn’t work that way!” I scream back. “It doesn’t work like that!” </p><p>“I’m sorry! I’m sorry that I care! I’m sorry! Okay?” he yells back, tears starting to come to his eyes. “I did so much to you. SO much. I can’t just leave. I can’t just fix you and then break it all, see everything go down the drain. I can’t see you go through it again, know that it’s all my fault. I saw the scars, from when we were together. Every night, I think about those scars. It was me, wasn’t it? I did that. I did all of this. I can’t see you go through all of this. It’s all because of me..” </p><p>I stare, taken aback. “Jack-” </p><p>“No, I did all of this. I know it’s all my fault and I can’t have you leave. You wanted to leave that night, I know you did. We could have lost you. <em>I </em>could have lost you. I SHOULDN'T BE EVEN ABLE TO SAY THAT! I shouldn’t be able to have the privilege of having something to lose. I should be nothing to you.”</p><p>“You’re right. You should be.” I respond, my voice unusually steady. “You shouldn't have the privilege of losing me, the privilege of even talking to me. You shouldn’t <em>have</em> me. You don’t <em>get </em>to be mad about losing me.”</p><p>He stares back silently. </p><p>“However,” I continue on, “You also saved me that night. You saved me that night at my lowest, even though we hated each other and had everything to lose. And I thank you for that.” </p><p>He nods. “But still-” </p><p>“Listen, ok? You’re selfish and arrogant and I shouldn’t even be talking to you after what you did. And I don’t know when I’m gonna forgive you, or even how. But you have bigger things to worry about than me. So you need to leave, Jack. You need to leave!” My voice shakes slightly. </p><p>He sighs, frustrated. “I don’t want to leave! I can’t leave! Can you see what I did?! I took so much away from you! I took months of your life! I shouldn’t be worth that!” </p><p>“Well you are! Whether you like it or not!” I yell back, my voice raw. “You’re worth it! We had something, even if it was just at the beginning. Even if we took something beautiful and completely ruined it. Even if we didn’t last.  Even if we hated each other by the end of it. We had something. Sometime, somewhere, WE HAD SOMETHING. Even if it was only at the beginning! Maybe we ruined, no, we did ruin it. But we had something.” </p><p>“We had something…” he repeats brokenly. </p><p>We stand and stare at each other, both furious and horrified. The rain’s still pouring and at this point both of us are soaked. I can barely see Jack, streetlights are the only thing illuminating his face. </p><p>“You know he tried to leave the band?” Jack says quietly, breaking the silence. </p><p>I frown. “Who?” </p><p>“Daniel, who else?” Jack replies. </p><p>I move closer to him to hear what he’s saying over the rain. <em>Much easier to hear him when we’re both yelling. </em></p><p>“Why?” I ask, startled. </p><p>“Well, you kept asking for me that night...” Jack started awkwardly. </p><p>I blush and look at the floor. <em>Way to sound like the heartbroken ex, Sav. That was a good one. </em></p><p>“Skye got mad at him because he didn’t want me to go in...so he quit and walked off.” Jack blurts out, speaking quickly. </p><p>“Oh.” I say in a little voice. “Oh.” </p><p>“Yeah.” he sighs. </p><p>“But it’s my fault. He’s back in the band, right?! He’s been performing, he’s not leaving right?! Oh no, what did I do?! I knew he was mad but-” I start to panic. </p><p>“No, no, it’s fine Savannah. It wasn't your fault, he was just mad at me. All of the guys were mad at me.” He tries to calm me. </p><p>He hesitantly pats me on the shoulder, not sure if he should get close or not. </p><p>“Are we even gonna be friends?” I wonder out loud. </p><p>“Who?” he asks, confused. </p><p>“He was my best friend. Now he’s a stranger. I can’t even look at him. He hates me. Hates me.” I cry. “He was there for everything. He took care of me. He was my favorite thing <em>about me</em>.” </p><p>Jack sighs, and hugs me. I stiffen a little but allow myself to melt into his arms. </p><p>“Sorry, I had to.” he murmurs. </p><p>“Whatever.” I say, crying into his shoulder. </p><p>“Everything is so messed up.” Jack whispers, and I can tell he’s crying too. <strong>(A/N: normalize guys crying too, they have emotions ) </strong></p><p>“What happened to us? To all of us?” I sniffle. “Look where we are now. Look at this.” </p><p>I shiver against Jack in the rain, but I really don’t want to go back inside to dryness.</p><p>“I’m not going inside.” I cut off Jack before he can start. “They already think I need help.” </p><p>“We all need help.” Jack murmurs. “We all do.” </p><p>I glance up from Jack’s shoulder. The couple in the apartment is laughing and dancing, enveloped in their own happiness. </p><p>Jack steps back and follows my gaze. He stares sadly at me, and I know exactly what he’s thinking. </p><p>“Where did we go wrong?” Jack asks quietly. “What happened?” </p><p>“We weren’t supposed to be like that. We couldn’t be like that, Jack.” I whisper. “We would have fallen apart far worse than we did.” </p><p>The rain pours, blinding our faces and mixing with the tears. </p><p>“We were destined for failure before it even started.” I laugh brittley. “A beautiful, horrible, disaster.” </p><p>“A beautiful disaster.” He echos. </p><p>
  <em>A heart breaking, idiotic, should have known fucking better, but somehow beautiful, disaster. </em>
</p><p>“Was it beautiful? Or were we too stupid to see it?” I wonder out loud. </p><p>Jack inhales sharply. I can tell he’s hurt but keep I going. “Did we even need to try? Was there something there?” </p><p>He shakes his head. “I think we tried. We tried.” </p><p>“Then we tried too hard. Is that a thing?” I ponder. “Trying too hard.” </p><p>The couple falls onto the couch, the man tickling the woman mercilessly, both of them laughing their heads off. Their laughter echoes into the street through their open window, music still blasting from their speakers. </p><p>“Jack, you can’t do this anymore. You can’t take care of me. I don’t belong to you anymore.” I say tiredly, turning back to him. </p><p>His face falls again, but there's fire behind his eyes. “But I can't-”</p><p>"No, you can.” I cut him off. </p><p>“YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!” he cries. “So maybe you don't belong to me. Maybe you don't.”</p><p>“I can’t belong to you anymore.” I whisper. “I can’t.” </p><p>“But I belong to you. And I think I always will.” Jack says desperately.</p><p>I shake my head. "No, you don't. We both know you don't. We can't do it anymore. It's not going to work out. It was never supposed to. No one’s meant to belong to anyone. Sure, we have that one soulmate, but think back to what we had. Is that what we’re calling love? Was that love? Every night I think to myself, what could I have done better? What could I have done differently to make you love me? I would have done <em>anything</em>, Jack. Anything. I would've dropped everything. Jack, I would've thrown away my life for you. And I can't help it. I can't help but think, what if we did it differently?” </p><p>“What did we do wrong?” Jack repeats. "What could've happened?”</p><p>I lean against him and we continue to stare at the couple. The rain falls and falls, never stopping, never ceasing to come down from the heavens. The question echoes around us. <em>Was it love? </em> </p><p>“We poured everything into something that didn’t last.” I continue. “I think, somewhere, we knew it wouldn’t pass. It wasn’t going to go away, the fighting.” </p><p>Jack shakes his head. “It didn’t go away. But we can fix it. We can do it.” </p><p>“No! We can’t fix this, okay?! We have to say goodbye! <em>I </em>have to say goodbye! I can’t do this anymore!” I cry. </p><p>“Why?” Jack asks sadly. </p><p>I shake my head, words failing to come to my mouth. </p><p>“So maybe we were meant to be. Maybe we were.” I say trying to humor him.</p><p>“Maybe we were!” he yells back. “You can’t just give up!” </p><p>“Maybe we were.” I finish. “But we did it wrong. So, so wrong. We messed it up. Maybe we were supposed to. I don’t know.” </p><p>“You have to try! We can fix this!” Jack responds. </p><p>“You can’t <em>fix me</em>.” I reply. “You just can’t. There’s no fixing. You can't fix this. What we had. It’s already lost. You know it’s gone. We ruined it. Hell, I ruined it even more. We lost the flame and blew it out.”</p><p>“How long has it been like this?” Jack sighs. “How did we not realize?”</p><p>I lean my head against his chest. “I don’t know.” </p><p>“I don’t think I wanna know.” he says. “Why can’t we just go back to the beginning. A do-over.” </p><p>“A do-over.” I echo. </p><p>“I miss the way we used to talk.” He sighs. </p><p>“The way we used to stay up all night.” I say in agreement. </p><p>“It’s all gone now.” Jack says. “We messed it up.” </p><p>“I know.” I whisper. </p><p>The couple in the window has long since gone to bed, their stereo still playing music. We can barely hear the strums of it over the pouring rain. Enveloped in Jack's arms, we stare and stare at each other, not daring to break eye contact with each other, almost as if it’s the last piece of us that’s left. </p><p>He finally breaks the gaze, the first to let go. </p><p>“Let go of it all.” he breathes. </p><p>“All of it.” </p><p>He wipes the tears from my cheeks slowly, fondly, almost like how it was two months ago, when things were okay. When we were young and innocent, and had a lifetime to be together. Before everything happened. </p><p>
  <em>Before everything happened. </em>
</p><p>He starts to slowly sway to the music from the window, and in his arms, I have no choice but to go with. Not one to sacrifice my warmth, I huddle close to his body, inhaling his scent one last time. Being with him, just this once. This last time. </p><p>He kisses me just once, and I hardly even realize it happened. My body reacted just as it would before Gabbie, before the child, before the hotel. Before everything. And just this once, I let it go. </p><p>“Letting go.” I murmur into his shoulder. </p><p>“Letting go.” he repeats. </p><p>My heart breaks a little more with every second, every moment I hear the music continue playing, every step we take, dancing in the rain. The voice of a male singer sings sorrowfully into the rain, the universe adding to my ever growing sadness. </p><p>
  <em>Way to add to the cliche. The universe wants me to be unstable. </em>
</p><p>Once I realize the song playing I break down even more. I start crying once again, thoughts flooding of what Jack and I once had at the beginning of our relationship. </p><p>
  <em>And then I can tell myself</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What the hell I'm supposed to do</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then I can tell myself</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not to ride along with you…</em>
</p><p>And then we’re both crying, deep raw sobs of hurt and sadness, realizing that we want to go back to exactly where he’s singing about. Back to the beginning where everything was simple, no one hated the other. No one kept secrets, no one cried themselves to sleep. Where no one was anything but happy. </p><p>“I just wanna go back...we started okay. But it ended so bad…” Jack mutters. “We really started okay. We did. And maybe it wasn’t always perfect, like at the hospital.” </p><p>I grimace, remembering my accident and the lovely scar I have now to remember it. </p><p>“But we fell in love, didn’t we?” He asks. </p><p>“Maybe.” I reply. “Maybe we did.” </p><p>“You were everything. And I know I didn’t act like it. I’m sorry. I’m just...so so sorry.” He apologizes. </p><p>“Now we’re strangers.” I sigh. “Look what happened to us. I just want to go back.” </p><p>“Me too.” He whispers. “Me too.” </p><p>
  <em>I had all and then most of you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some and now none of you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Take me back to the night we met</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't know what I'm supposed to do</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haunted by the ghost of you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, take me back to the night we met… </em>
</p><p>As we sway in the darkness, whiling away in our pain, the song’s the only thing to express what we’re feeling, to tell each other we don’t know where the other went wrong. And that’s just how messed up it is. The way it's all picture perfect, a slow dance in the rain, music playing in the background. And that’s just how the universe works. That’s just how it does. So we stood there, crying, realizing how much we messed up a perfect thing. Maybe that’s what made it so pretty.</p><p>
  <strong>*goes and gets coffee* lmao</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I'm such a hypocrite I drank like 80 mgs of caffiene and had a full on breakdown ahah. Uhhhh I think you guys are in for a real one heh lots of ~interesting stuff~ goin on :) loads of love x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sav?” </p><p>I roll over and pull my blanket over my head. </p><p>“Sav!” I hear Skye complain. </p><p>“Whatta ya want.” I grumble. </p><p>“Get up. You need to eat.” She shakes me and tries to pull the blanket off me. </p><p>I burrow my head out of the blanket and glare. </p><p>“Don’t touch my blanket.” </p><p>She rolls her eyes and motions for me to get up. </p><p>“What’s the rush?” I ask. “The show’s not for a couple hours.” </p><p>“Just get up, we have things to do.” She sighs. </p><p>“Okay, mom.” I grumble. </p><p>She forces me to eat a full plate of food for breakfast, much to the amusement of Jack, Zach, Corbyn, and Jonah. </p><p>“This is so good.” Jack crows, laughing with the rest of the table. </p><p>I flip him off and make a face. There seems to be a mutual agreement that we’re even at this point, no bad blood. Of course, it’ll take me a long time before I’ll ever trust him completely. But as for now, I was glad to be on speaking terms. It reduced my anxiety way farther that I knew it would. </p><p>“Where’s Daniel?” Skye asks. </p><p>I bow my head and focus on eating. There’s an awkward silence around the table. </p><p>“Uh, still sleeping.” Corbyn responds quietly. </p><p>I frown. “This late? He never gets up late.” </p><p>No one catches my response besides Jack, who's sitting next to me. He slightly shakes his head, telling me <em>don’t ask about it</em>. </p><p>
  <em>What happened to him? I knew he wasn’t doing well but what happened? He left the band, he left me. But he’s still here. He’s still performing. What the hell happened? Did something get messed up? What happened that I don’t know about? Do I talk to him? </em>
</p><p>We all sit at the table, and eventually the boys and Skye leave to go play video games and sleep. Jack rises to go with them but as he leaves, I grab his hand. He flinches immediately after I touch him. </p><p>“Oh! Sorry.” I raise my hand to my mouth. “My bad.” </p><p>“It’s fine.” He says nervously, sitting back down. “What’s up?” </p><p>“What’s wrong with him?” I ask, cutting straight to the chase. </p><p>“Who?” He asks. “Daniel?” </p><p>I nod. </p><p>“He’s...fine. Just a little. Um. Under the weather.” He stammers. </p><p>I laugh a little. “We may not know each other as well as we should have, but I do know for a fact you can’t lie to save your life.” </p><p>He laughs nervously. “Um. I mean-” </p><p>I shake my head and sigh sadly. “It’s fine, I mean I’m not really part of his life anymore, right?” </p><p>He frowns. “Sav- don’t speak like that. He’s just confused right now. With everything.” </p><p>I shrug. “I guess.” </p><p>“If it makes you feel better, he’s mad at me too.” Jack responds drily. </p><p>“Yeah, right.” I huff. </p><p>“He is.” He insists. “But now that I have you here, I have something for you.” </p><p>I stare at him, confused. </p><p>“You remember we aren’t dating anymore, right?” I ask. “Last night kind of…” </p><p>He throws back his head and laughs. </p><p>
  <em>It’s a nice sound, to hear him laugh. I haven’t heard that in ages. I missed it. </em>
</p><p>“No, I know. Trust me.” He says, still laughing a little. “Trust me.” </p><p>“Soo…” I trail off, now dying of curiosity. </p><p>“It’s something I meant to give you a couple weeks ago, actually. A gift.” He says, rifling around in the closet. </p><p>“Okay?” I say, still not knowing what to expect. </p><p>“Here.” He says, finally finding what he was looking for. </p><p>He hands me a small parcel and I rip off the wrapping paper quickly. </p><p>“Oh my gosh.” I breathe out. </p><p>It’s a beautiful dark green journal, wrapped in leather. In the corner, <em>Savannah </em>is engraved into the front, embossed in black ink. </p><p>“It’s so pretty.” I say, smiling at him. </p><p>“I meant to give it to you earlier, but now’s as good of time as ever.” He says, smiling back. “You like to write, so I thought it might be good for you. Get those thoughts out on paper.” </p><p>I nod, still smiling at the new book. </p><p>“It’s beautiful, thank you!” </p><p>He nods. “I’m glad you like it.” </p><p>I hug him, but regret it quickly. </p><p>“That was weird.” I say, wrinkling my nose as we break the hug. </p><p>He laughs again, that happy, joyous sound that I haven’t heard in months. </p><p>“Little bit.” </p><p>“Seriously though, thank you.” I say, and try out a side hug instead of a full hug. </p><p>“Much better.” He comments. </p><p>I hum in agreement and flick his shoulder, something I used to do a long, long time ago. Back to the time where things were simple, with Jonah and the buzz of a new job and concerts every night. </p><p>
  <em>A simpler time. But honestly, maybe things aren’t so bad. The only thing left is Daniel...</em>
</p><p>“Ready?” Jack asks, turning towards the back room where the rest of the boys and Skye are hanging out. </p><p>I smile and nod, but still can’t help but question, <em>where the hell is Daniel? </em></p><p>~~~</p><p>I trudge back to the bus, exhausted. The concert was grueling, Skye and I moving around often.</p><p>“Sav!” Jonah yells happily, slinging his arm around me. </p><p>“Hi!” I smile, leaning into his hug. “How’s Tate? She texted me, I think we’re going to go shopping tomorrow or something before the show! You put her up to this, didn’t you?” </p><p>He laughs loudly. “What are you talking about. I’m innocent.” </p><p>I scoff. “I know a bad liar when I see one.” </p><p>He shrugs, but I can tell it was him as he smiles mischievously at me. Everyone’s always happy on the days that we have two shows in a row, in the same town. It means extra time to explore the town and hang out. </p><p>“We gotta do our weekly movie.” Jonah says, begging me to join him as he falls down onto the couch. </p><p>I smile at him cheekily. “Will you bring me food?” </p><p>“Uber eats?” He responds, brows raised. </p><p>I shake his hand obnoxiously. “You have yourself a deal!” </p><p>Skye and Corbyn sidle in with Zach and all fall onto the couch as well. </p><p>“Good job tonight guys, you did great!” I say, smiling. </p><p>Zach turns to Skye with a surprised look on his face. </p><p>“She’s all happy. Is she going crazy!? Should we call someone?” He says, fake-whispering. </p><p>I roll my eyes. “Yes, I’m crazy.” </p><p>Jack raises his hand. “I second this notion.” </p><p>Jonah and Skye collapse to the ground in laughter while Corbyn and Zach stare at me. Jack and I start giggling against each other. </p><p>“Thriving.” I say sarcastically, giving them a thumbs up. </p><p>We all smile at them and Zach sighs exaggeratedly. </p><p>“Great, I’m even dating a crazy.” </p><p>Skye flies at him and smacks him playfully. “Watch what you say. And besides, don’t think I forgot what Sav said about you two and Louis Tomlinson.” </p><p>I gasp and hide myself behind Jonah. </p><p>“Savannah!” Corbyn growls. </p><p>“Don’t full-name me!” I say, peeping from behind Jonah to see Corbyn looking genuinely panicked. </p><p>He curses under his breath and flips me off. I smile and plop back down on the couch. </p><p>“You know you love me.” I say cheerfully. </p><p>“XOXO gossip girl.” Zach says, finishing the quote in an obnoxious voice. </p><p>This sends Skye and I into another round of giggles and by that time Jonah’s done ordering food and picking a movie. </p><p>“Harry Potter is forever superior.” Jonah comments, squeezing on the couch and pushing Jack off the couch by accident. </p><p>He falls to the floor and I can’t help but laugh as I see his look of surprise. </p><p>“Ow.” He says, looking slightly dazed. </p><p>He makes a face when he realizes I’m laughing, which gets me going even more. </p><p>“Maybe she is going crazy, she’s laughing so much.” Jack says, and can’t help but smile. </p><p>I shrug. “The couch won’t miss you.” </p><p>He flips me off with a grin and then disappears into the kitchen, presumably to get food for himself. </p><p>Soon enough the movie has glued all of us to the screen and the food’s already gone, all of us eating it in less than five minutes. </p><p>“That was tasty.” Zach says with a burp. </p><p>“Ew.” Skye says, smacking his shoulder. </p><p>“Jesus, always one for violence. Take it easy, woman!” He complains. </p><p>“I wouldn’t have to if you would be normal!” She complains, laughing a bit. </p><p>“I’m gonna pee.” I say, whispering to Jonah. </p><p>He nods and waves, eyes already back to the screen. </p><p>I hoist myself over his legs and into the kitchen, only to hear a racket coming from outside. </p><p>I peek out the window to see Jack and Daniel standing outside, both looking extremely pissed at each other. </p><p>
  <em>What is it with me and overhearing people’s conversations?! I just wanted to pee! </em>
</p><p>“So what is it now?” Daniel growls. “Are you back together?” </p><p>Jack stands back, looking surprised. “Dude, you haven’t talked to her in days. Why do you care? You walked out on all of us.” </p><p>“I said, ARE YOU TOGETHER?” Daniel demands, raising his voice. </p><p>I flinch instinctively. </p><p>“No, man. I have a kid coming! Sav… I’m just trying to be there for her. I want the best for her, I want her to be okay. I wanna be part of her life, she’s a great person. You know that Daniel. What’s going on with you?” He says, mildly annoyed. </p><p>“I saw you,” Daniel says, his voice shaking. “Last night. <em>I saw you</em>. What was that, huh? Seemed pretty much like you were with her. And this morning. Together at the table, with the book.” </p><p>He spits angrily on the floor. </p><p>Jack raises his hands, surprised and confused. “Daniel, no. I want to be there for her. I <em>want </em>a relationship with her. I’m the only person who kind of gets it. I still need to be the person for her to go to sometimes. I <em>want </em>to be the person for her to go to. I want to be a part of her life, even if we aren’t the best right now.” </p><p>“ENOUGH WITH THE GETTING IT!” He roars. </p><p>“Daniel!” Jack says sharply, moving towards him. </p><p>Daniels shuts his mouth and stares at Jack angrily. </p><p>“Have you been drinking?” Jack asks quietly. </p><p>I have to strain my ears to hear it and barely catch what he says. </p><p>Daniel backs up quickly from him and stares at him for a few more seconds before turning around and walking out of the parking lot. </p><p>“Daniel!” Jack calls after him. </p><p>Jack turns back around and runs his hand through his hair. </p><p>“Damn it!” He says loudly. “Damn it, Daniel!” </p><p>“Jack.” I call, opening the door and stepping out. </p><p>He looks up in surprise and his face drops when he sees that it’s me. </p><p>“How much of that did you hear?” He says, his voice barely above a whisper. </p><p>“Enough...” I say sadly. </p><p>We sit on the stairs of the tour bus. </p><p>“Jack, what’s going on?” I ask quietly. “He’s not under the weather, is he?” </p><p>Jack shakes his head slowly. </p><p>“C’mon, you know I’ll find out one way or another.” I say, trying to get it out of him.</p><p>He takes a deep breath. “Fine.” </p><p>“Thanks.” </p><p>“You left with Jonah at about 12ish midnight. Like I told you, Daniel walked out on us after I went in with Skye.” Jack explains. “Basically, Skye and I went back to the hotel with Zach and Corbyn and everything was fine but we didn’t know where he was. We didn’t want to push it with him, you know?” </p><p>I nod.</p><p>“We didn’t tell management or anything, but then all of the sudden, I get a call from Skye at 4 in the morning that Daniel was knocking at her door and collapsed in her bed.” He continues. </p><p>“Oh.” I frown. “Yikes.” </p><p>He nods. “Yeah, it was kind of weird. He was really wasted. Like, <em>really </em>wasted. Worst I’ve seen him. He didn’t really drink when you were around, because you’re underage, but he’s not exactly...the best when it comes to getting drunk.” </p><p>I tilt my head. “Really? He can’t be that bad, right?” </p><p>Jack grimaces. “It’s...bad.” </p><p>“But he’s been okay, right?” I ask. </p><p>Jack shrugs. “I mean, the day after he was fine. Apologized for everything and it was all good. Didn’t talk about it after.” </p><p>“But?” I say, with a sinking feeling. </p><p>“But,” Jack says with a sigh, “When you came back…” </p><p>I look down at the ground feeling sick to my stomach. “Oh.” </p><p>Jack tilts my chin up. “Stop hating yourself. It isn’t your fault, okay? I promise you.” </p><p>Tears come to my eyes. “But I did this to him…” </p><p>He shakes his head sadly. “No, he did this to himself. He doesn’t know how to cope. And I’ll keep trying, I promise. We’ll all try to talk to him. It’s not your fault, Squirt.” </p><p>I smile a little. “Squirt?” </p><p>Jack laughs. “I used to call you that, a long time ago. When we first met you guys, and I didn’t know your name. You're short, so I named you Squirt. You were Squirt and Skye was Speedy. Every day she would go out and run, and it was easier to remember.” </p><p>I start to giggle. “Squirt and Speedy, oh my god. Skye is gonna think this is hilarious.” </p><p>“Oh, no. She better not hate me. That girl has a meannn right hook.” He groans. </p><p>I laugh and we get up. </p><p>“Please. He may not want me as a part of his life but please, Jack. Take care of him. Even if I can’t.” I say, becoming serious. </p><p>He nods. “I’ll try my hardest.” </p><p>“Thank you.” I say and smile warmly, heading up the stairs back into the bus. </p><p>“Sav?” He calls. </p><p>I turn back around. </p><p>“You’re a good friend, you know that?” He says. </p><p>I laugh softly. “I try, you know? Least I can do.” </p><p>He waves and I head back inside. </p><p>Skye waves from the couch with Zach, while Corbyn and Jonah are now on the floor. </p><p>“Took ya long enough.” Jonah comments. </p><p>“Was talking to Jack.” I say, plopping on the ground. </p><p>“Are you guys...friends now?” Corbyn asks cautiously. </p><p>I roll my eyes. “No need to say it like I’m about to explode.” </p><p>“Hey, I mean…” He says, shrugging. </p><p>“In a way.” I say, choosing to ignore his response. “We’re getting there. Not friends, but maybe almost.” </p><p>Corbyn nods, satisfied. </p><p>“I’m tired, I’m gonna check into the hotel.” Jonah says, getting up and stretching. “Coming?” </p><p>I nod and get up as well. </p><p>“Anyone see Daniel?” Zach asks. </p><p>“He’s not here, I was in the bunkroom.” I say, lying smoothly. </p><p>They nod and Jonah and I trek to get our stuff. </p><p>“I’m so ready for beddd.” He says sleepily. </p><p>I nod in agreement. “Me too. Crazy day, it’s been.” </p><p>“But good though right? Crazy, but good?” He says, checking in. </p><p>“You have no idea.” I say with a smile. </p><p>
  <em>You have nooo idea. </em>
</p><p>~~~</p><p>“I forgot my toothbrush.” I groan. </p><p>Skye grimaces. “Sucks. Want me to come with you to the bus?” </p><p>I shake my head. “Should be fine, it’s right down the street.” </p><p>She nods. “Okay, be safe. Call me if you wanna, don’t be shy.” </p><p>I wave and step out of the bathroom into our hotel room and grab a hoodie and some sweats. I pull them on blindly and then realize as soon as I inhale whose hoodie I’m wearing. Given to me the day of the beach photoshoot, it’s hard to forget it. Daniel was the first to show me hospitality, to really welcome me into the family.</p><p>
  <em>I miss him. A lot. Do I even give this back?</em>
</p><p>I sigh sadly and walk down to the lobby where I wave to the receptionist and walk out of the hotel. Once I get to the bus I flash my card and step in. It’s dark except for in the bathroom, where I see that a little light is coming from under the door. </p><p>
  <em>Who's here? It’s 4 in the morning. The light shouldn't be on...</em>
</p><p>I step cautiously forward, moving quietly. I’m just walking over to the door when I hear it. I jump so bad I almost hurt myself on the couch. </p><p>“What in the hell?” I almost scream but manage to keep my voice at a low volume. </p><p>Someone’s singing, low and soft. I almost think I'm hallucinating. The closer I move, the more I know. It’s definitely there, and I immediately know the person singing. </p><p>Without even thinking, I push open the door a crack, and see him lying on the floor, completely wasted and a mess. But it’s hard to mistake Daniel’s voice, hearing it for so many nights in concert and around the bus. </p><p>
  <em>I'm in my bed</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And you're not here</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Forget what I said</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's not what I meant</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I can't take it back</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can't unpack the baggage you left…</em>
  <strong>(A/N I use so many Harry songs but they just make sense, yk?) </strong>
</p><p>I intake a small breath as I process what's going on. </p><p>
  <em>Well. He’s not far from the truth there. But who in the hell sings Harry Styles at four o’clock in the morning on a bathroom floor? </em>
</p><p>“You can come in, you know.” His voice rasps. “I’m not gonna bite.” </p><p>I look up. So lost in my own thoughts, I barely even realize that he stopped singing. </p><p>“Oh.” I say softly, and open the door. </p><p>I scoot further inside, across the little bathroom from him. We sit at opposite sides and just stare at each other in awkward silence. </p><p>“My hoodie, I see.” He says, leaning his head back against the wall with a wince. He closes his eyes and his breathing is labored. </p><p>“Oh. Um. Yeah.” I say quietly. “Are you okay?” </p><p>He laughs, a low deep laugh that sounds sarcastic. His eyes stay closed but his mouth almost curves into a little smile.  “What do you think.” </p><p>It’s not a question, more a statement, and I’m not sure what to reply with. </p><p>“You can’t keep doing this, getting drunk.” I say sadly. </p><p>He says nothing, still leaning against the wall. </p><p>“Daniel?” I say, pushing slightly. </p><p>“You know, it’s been so long.” He says abruptly. “I thought it would go away.” </p><p>
  <em>He must be wayyyy drunk. Did he hear anything I just said? </em>
</p><p>“What are you talking about?” I ask patiently. </p><p>“Take a guess.”  He says, finally opening his eyes. </p><p>They’re bloodshot and tired, and he stares right at me. I divert my eyes to the floor, not wanting to look back.</p><p>“Hm. Can’t even look me in the eyes.” He hums. </p><p>I sit up straight and stare at him, mildly annoyed. He laughs again, and I hate how sarcastic and sad it sounds. </p><p>“Never one to ignore a challenge.” He comments, closing his eyes again. </p><p>“Daniel. Did you hear what I said?” I ask, frustration creeping into my voice. </p><p>He holds up his hand. “Easy there. We have all night to get to that.” </p><p>“It’s four in the morning. I’m tired. And I need my toothbrush.” I reply drily. “So no, I don’t. Just...don’t do anything super stupid. Everyone’s busting their asses keeping this from management.” </p><p>I grab the toothbrush from the counter and am about to leave the bus when I hear him say something. </p><p>“I thought I’d be over you by now.” </p><p>I turn back, confused. </p><p>“What did you say?” I ask. </p><p>I move back to the bathroom, where he’s still sitting, eyes open and attent. </p><p>“I thought I’d be over you by now.” He whispers.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“It’s been so long.” He continues. “3 months...watching you drift away. 3 months of you with him.” </p><p>“Daniel, what the hell?” </p><p>“I thought it would go away, it all. I thought I would get over it. But oh no. Every night. Every single night. Every single night and day consists of you.” He says, almost in disgust.</p><p>“You’re so drunk right now.” I reply, shaking my head. “What even-” </p><p>“I’m sorry for what I said, I knew it was wrong. I shouldn’t have said it.” He says, shaking his head. “That night, I acted up. I just didn’t know what to do anymore, you know? I couldn’t lose you again.” </p><p>“You didn’t lose me before...?” I say, still confused. </p><p>“You didn’t know it, you didn’t realize!” He says, sparks of life coming into his eyes. “I lost you a long, long time before that night. But what can I say? I lost the only person I’ve ever cared for so much. <em>You’re </em>the only person I care for like that. You’re everything.” </p><p>I shake my head in disbelief. “What are you talking about?” </p><p>“My god, how else do you want me to say it? I’M IN FUCKING LOVE WITH YOU! I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, SAV!” He says, voice breaking.</p><p>He stares at the floor, tears in his eyes.“I’m in love with you…” </p><p>I stare at him, sliding down to the floor. “Daniel you can’t just say that.” </p><p>He runs his hands through his hair. “Sav, what else can I say?! I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you. I don’t even believe in love at first sight, but here we are.” </p><p>He sighs bitterly. </p><p>I shake my head again, dread running through me. “Why didn’t you say anything? I- Daniel, maybe we could’ve been friends after everything that happened. But now this, I mean- What am I supposed to say? We’re supposed to be best friends!” </p><p>“How am I supposed to be friends with you? How, Sav?” He cries. “You expect me to just sit here and forget what I feel?” </p><p>“No! You can’t just- Daniel...” I start, getting pissed off. </p><p>“You just expect me to look at you, not see the thing I’ve wanted most in the world?! It’s been three months. <em>Three</em><em> months</em>. I’ve sat here and watched you fall for someone else. And I wish you wouldn’t, I wish you <em>didn’t </em>but here you are, entertaining someone who obviously didn’t give a damn about you. So I’m sorry, but no. No.” He says, taking shaking breaths.</p><p>“Daniel-” I say, furious. </p><p>“Because meanwhile, I’m sitting here, just hoping, praying, you’ll change your mind.” He says, raising his voice to be heard over mine. </p><p>He shuts me up effectively and I stare at him with my mouth open. Frustrated tears continue to fall out of his eyes.  </p><p>“Do you have any idea how much that hurts?” He yells angrily. “Knowing that I’ll never be good enough for you? Knowing that you could have me but you choose not to?” </p><p>I fling my arms into the air and say the first thing that comes to my mind. </p><p>“It’s not my fault you fell in love!” I shriek back at him. “It’s not my fault when you knew it wouldn’t work out! You knew. You should’ve known. I can’t love you, Daniel! I can’t! You know I can’t! You know I don’t know how! But no! Oh no! You fell anyway.” </p><p>He stares back at me, tears staining his face. His body is curled up in a fetal position and he looks completely ruined. </p><p>“You fell anyway." I trail off, energy leaving my body. </p><p>Seeing him lying there, silent and cold, triggers my fight or flight. I immediately scramble up and grab my things before fleeing from the bus. The remaining crew stare at me but I fly past them and run all the way to the hotel, not breathing and trying not to think. </p><p>When I enter the hotel room, Skye is fast asleep so I slip into the bathroom where I finally allow myself to sink to the floor and process what just happened. </p><p>
  <em>What just happened...What just happened? What did I just do? </em>
</p><p>With a gasp and a broken sob I cover my mouth in order to not wake up Skye. </p><p>
  <em>He’s gone. He’ll be gone now. I did it. I just lost him forever. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Finishing off the book &lt;3. I'm really thankful/excited to show you the ending of a super long journey! It's been really fun :) Most of this book is based off of my personal experiences and it's been fun to put it into words. So thankful for all of you and remember you're loved! Without further ado, here we go x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, it's clear to say I look like a train wreck.</p><p>"How much sleep did you get last night?" Skye asks.</p><p>I wince. "Not a ton."</p><p>"I didn't hear you come in." She comments.</p><p>"Oh yeah, I couldn't find the toothbrush for a second but I found it eventually." I say, lying quickly.</p><p>She nods and goes back to throwing her clothes into a bag. I shudder, still thinking about last night.</p><p>
  <em>Do I say anything to him today? Do I tell someone about what happened? God, why did this all have to go this way. Just when things were getting back to normal.</em>
</p><p>My phone rings and brings me out of my reverie.</p><p>"Hello?" Tate's voice rings out.</p><p>"Hi Tate!" I say cheerfully.</p><p>I can almost hear her grimace. "Since when are you happy in the morning."</p><p>I laugh. "Good point."</p><p>"Sounds more like you." She hums. "I'm ready when you are."</p><p>"Okay, I'll come down right now." I respond and hang up.</p><p>I grab my stuff and wave to Skye before meeting Tate in the lobby. She, Christina and Gabbie flew in for the show to hang out with the boys but Tate wanted to go shopping with me this morning. (More like Jonah asked her to take me). But I like Tate a lot, so it was okay.</p><p>"So, how are you doing?" She asks me as we drive to the nearest mall.</p><p>"Well, depends on what you're asking about." I respond drily.</p><p>She laughs. "Mental health wise, I guess. We can start with that."</p><p>I shrug. "It's been...better. I mended up with Jack, I guess. Well, at least somewhat. We're better. And it's surprisingly helped, actually."</p><p>She nods. "Moving on is the best medicine sometimes."</p><p>Hearing that brings me back to Daniel I can't stop thinking about everything that happened last night.</p><p>"Tate, will you give me some advice?" I ask as we step out of the car.</p><p>She turns to me, smiling. "What about?"</p><p>"Just a rhetorical situation. One of my, uh, followers wrote to me about it." I say, making up a lie on the spot.</p><p>She nods. "Ok, shoot."</p><p>We head into the mall while I figure out how to word it.</p><p>"Okay, so what if I told you, this-uh, follower, she's basically in a bit of a problem with her best friend." I say.</p><p>"Okay." She responds, browsing through clothing racks. "What about?"</p><p>"Well- she just found out he likes her. Like, a lot." I stutter, trying to form my mind around what I'm saying.</p><p>Tate giggles a bit. "Ohh, he like-likes her. Big whoop."</p><p>I roll my eyes. "Very funny. But seriously! Like is in love with her. Except she didn't know. And she might've...dated two of his best friends."</p><p>Her brows raise and she stops looking at the clothes.</p><p>"But she didn't know!" I insist.</p><p>"Uh-huh." Tate says slowly, looking back down at the clothes. "And how does this- follower, feel about knowing this new information?"</p><p>This question stops me in my tracks for a few seconds so I pretend to look at a shirt.</p><p>"Um, she uh- doesn't know yet how she feels." I eventually get out.</p><p>Tate nods. "I see."</p><p>She moves around and looks at another rack.</p><p>"Well," She says. "The most important thing this <em>follower</em> should know is that she should never change herself for a man. She is a strong woman who can live on her own. Who can make friends with who she pleases. This woman should know she needs a strong support system from more than one person, and that these people aren't gonna leave. And if this follower decides that she might love him back, she should proceed with caution. Because sometimes we think we're in love but in reality we're only in love with the idea of loving someone."</p><p>"Wow." I say, surprised.</p><p>"But also, this follower should know there's a lot of good things that come from love. That makes it worth it. Who knows? They could be the soulmate the woman never knew she had. It all depends on whether she takes the chance." Tate continues.</p><p>"Interesting." I say, nodding. "Do you think she should?"</p><p>Tate smiles knowingly. "I think that's for the woman to figure out herself."</p><p>I sigh, knowing it's the sad truth.</p><p>
  <em>Great. A little more confusion to add to the pot.</em>
</p><p>"Thank you." I say, smiling.</p><p>She winks. "Of course, the least I can do. Someone has to take care of my man when I'm not there."</p><p>I laugh. "You've got that right."</p><p>~~~</p><p>"Our last concert!" Jonah crows.</p><p>"Can you believe it's been this long?!" Skye asks me.</p><p>"Look how much has happened." I say, my voice riddled with amusement.</p><p>"Sav! Skye!" Jack calls.</p><p>"What's up?" I ask.</p><p>"We have a surprise for you." He grins.</p><p>The boys are all smiling widely. Daniel's nowhere to be seen, like normal. I push all thoughts of him out of my head and return to the situation in front of me.</p><p>"What's going on?" I ask suspiciously.</p><p>Jonah pulls me by the hand and Zach grabs Skye's. Corbyn pushes the dressing room door open.</p><p>"Surprise!" They all cheer. .</p><p>"Zack!" Skye and I cry, running towards our favorite person on this earth.</p><p>"My girls!" He responds happily. "My beautiful girls."</p><p>"I missed you." I say, sniffling.</p><p>"Don't cry, silly." He says with a laugh. "I missed you too."</p><p>Skye says nothing, hugging him tightly.</p><p>"A lot has happened, hm?" Zack asks, noticing how tightly we hug him.</p><p>Skye nods, tears in her eyes as well. "A lot."</p><p>He hugs us both tight once more before we all get up.</p><p>"Curtain call." Corbyn calls into the room and we all grab our cameras. Zack waves.</p><p>"I'll be hanging out in the audience for a change, don't mind me."</p><p>"Who'd you bring?" Skye asks as we walk.</p><p>He just smiles lightly. Skye and I wiggle our eyebrows at each other. <strong>(A/N: There's no info regarding Zack's family life in real time so I threw this in here...pls don't drag me lmao)</strong></p><p>
  <em>When he gets home later we have to interrogate him about this mystery person for sure.</em>
</p><p>He's gone with a wave and Skye and I turn towards the stage, the roar of the crowd growing as the boys head on stage.</p><p>"HELLO LOS ANGELES!"</p><p>~~~</p><p>The crowd roars as the boys finish singing Friends.<br/>Skye and I quickly cross in front of the audience so we can get some group shots of all of them.<br/>"Alright, next up's Cold In LA and then IDBITC and we're done, thank god." I mutter.</p><p>"Are you tired?" Skye frowns.</p><p>I shrug. "Yeah, I guess." <em>Tired of having to avoid Daniel...Thank god he showed up. </em><br/><em>"I'm a little bit shy...I'm a little bit right on time...and I know that you don't operate the same..." </em><br/>Jo blows a kiss to Tate who is singing along in the crowd and I smile and laugh as the crowd goes wild with girls screaming at the top of their lungs.<br/>"That's one way to get them excited." Skye mutters, but I see her making eye contact with Zach and smiling.<br/><em>Ah, I wish my life was figured out like that. Not that she doesn't have it hard too. </em><br/><strong><em>"Are you feelin' alright? Cuz I really can't tell sometimes...wanna know what's going on inside your brain..." </em></strong><br/>Christina dances along in the wings of the stage and sends me a little wave when we make eye contact. I wave back cheerfully, acting like nothing's going on. <em>I love her. </em><br/><strong><em>"Just come a little bit closer...Cause I don't know if I know you yet...Yeah, there seems to be something new everyday..." </em></strong>Daniel's voice soars as he sings the opening of the song.<br/>"Uh, Savannah?" Skye taps me on the shoulder.<br/>"What?" I turn around from taking a shot of Corbyn. I've been avoiding Daniel all show (like usual, but after everything last night...). To be honest, it's going splendid.<br/>"Look at Dani..." She trails off.<br/>I whirl around, ready to say something snappy to her for mentioning Daniel, but he catches my eye before I can say anything. He's staring intently at me while singing.<br/><strong><em>"Why do I really wanna hold you? Why do I want you so bad? Yeah you're beautiful but something's in my way..." </em></strong><br/>I feel a sinking feeling in my chest. "What the hell are you doing, Dani?"</p><p>He continues to sing in melody, not breaking eye contact with me. I can't help but just stand on the side of the stage, unmoving.</p><p>All he does is stare and I can't help but continue to remember all those long nights, crying into his chest until I fall asleep. His endless comforting hugs, his calm words of assurance, those beautiful blue eyes full of welcome and warmth...<br/>And then the day at the gas station makes sense, how close he got to me, how he didn't want me to leave.</p><p><em>And he wasn't lying. Last night, he wasn't so drunk, was he? How could I be so stupid? The alcohol would've been in his system for hours, it wasn't going to affect him...</em><br/>"Oh my god..." I whisper.<br/>I realize what a mistake I've made, how much I've messed up. <em>Jack was right...he was right about it all.</em></p><p>"I need to go." I say to Skye in a shaking voice.</p><p>"What? Are you okay?! What's going on?" She asks, panicked.</p><p>"I'm-I'm fine I just need to get some air. I'll come home later tonight, I promise." I say quickly.</p><p>"Okay. I love you." She says, concerned.</p><p>"Love you more!" I say as I run off into the wings of the stage. Corbyn stares at me with a <em>what-the-hell-are-you-doing </em>face but I just continue moving.</p><p>I burst out the door of the arena and take a deep breath of fresh air.</p><p>
  <em>What the hell do I do? Do I go home? No, no...Zack isn't there, he's here. Damn it! I don't wanna be seen by the fans.</em>
</p><p>I walk into the parking lot and wave to security who is lounging by the bus. I grab some keys for the white jeep that we've had all of the tour.</p><p>
  <em>So many memories in this thing.</em>
</p><p>A bout of sadness runs through me as I remember the road trip that Daniel and I had in this car.</p><p>
  <em>Such a simpler time.</em>
</p><p>I step in and drive out of the parking lot. After much thought, I decide to drive to the beach where everything started.</p><p>
  <em>A good thinking spot.</em>
</p><p>"Why the hell does everything have to be so COMPLICATED!" I complain, hitting the steering wheel as I sit in traffic.</p><p>
  <em>Damn LA and all their traffic. Can't do a thing.</em>
</p><p>I accidentally hit the horn and make myself jump with the sudden noise. People from around me stare and I duck my head and sit low in embarrassment.</p><p>"Oops." I say, mildly amused but also super embarrassed.</p><p>I wave my hand to show it's an accident and merge onto the side street to get to the beach.</p><p>"Hm. Still lookin the same 5 months later." I hum, pulling into the parking lot.</p><p>I step out of the car and climb the hill to the spot where Daniel and I first really talked. The terrible feeling in my stomach has yet to go away.</p><p>
  <em>What the hell was he thinking? Last night, just coming on to me like that. Damn, I knew things were stressed but then he went and said that...And now I feel terrible. I should have known.</em>
</p><p>"I should have known it all, damn it!" I curse.</p><p>The sun's completely down at this point and the only light I have is from nearby lights on the docks. I sit down gingerly, and wrap my arms around my legs. Even though I know I shouldn't, I pull out my phone and scroll through Instagram. I haven't checked it in a while, and let me just say, you Limelights never fail to disappoint when it comes to hating. <strong>(A/N: As much as I hate to say it...it's true)</strong></p><p>
  <strong>What the hell happened to her? Did dating the boys finally get to her?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Why did Jonah ever like that hoe. Let alone Jack...</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Dude she needs to be put into a mental hospital.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Is she like an actual psychopath? I heard she went crazy</strong>
</p><p>"Cute." I mutter. "Real cute."</p><p>I continue to scroll through my phone and stare at various edits of the boys and such.</p><p>"They don't hate me enough not to use my pictures." I smile to myself. "That's the one thing I can be proud of."</p><p>I exit out of instagram and stare out on the beach. Below me near the water, two people splash each other. I smile lightly at their screams of joy.</p><p>"Oh, to be young and in love." I say, a little bitterly.</p><p>I check my phone for the time and see that it's about 10:00.</p><p>"They should be done with their show by now. Hopefully Skye can explain." I sigh.</p><p>"I thought this was <em>my</em> thinking spot." A familiar voice says from behind me.</p><p>I turn around quickly to see him walking up the hill, sweaty and still in concert clothing.</p><p>"Why are you here?" I ask, backing away a bit.</p><p>He rolls his eyes. "I'm not gonna bite, I told you that last night."</p><p>I intake a sharp breath. "About that..."</p><p>He stares at me for a bit before speaking again.</p><p>"I wasn't lying, last night."</p><p>I look at him in silence, not sure what to say and also furious that he just said that out of the blue. He moves closer to me, illuminated by the dock lights.</p><p>"Sav?" He asks.</p><p>I continue to stare.</p><p>"Answer me, damn it!" He says, his voice breaking.</p><p>"I-" I shake my head. "What am I supposed to say? That everything's fine?"</p><p>He throws his hands in the air. "I don't know! Something? Anything?!"</p><p>"This isn't some fairy tale! You can't be the prince in shining armour and save me from my doom!" I scream, anger finally getting to me. "There isn't a happy ending! There's never a happy ending!"</p><p>"But there can be! What if there is a happy ending? Huh?" Daniel yells back. "Why are you so opposed to the idea of happiness? Not everything in the world is out to get you! What happened? We used to be <em>happy</em>, Sav! Happy!"</p><p>"Happy?" I gasp. "Happy? God, Daniel, I wish I was. I wish that every night. I wish that everything could go back to the beginning, when it was all normal, when everything didn't trigger me. I'm not happy anymore, Daniel! And I've tried, damn it, I've tried <em>so hard</em>. I want to be the girl that smiles everytime someone talks to her. You know what the people say? They say "Sav, how are you so happy? You're always smiling. How is that?"."</p><p>I run my hands through my hair and I feel like yelling and screaming and just beating the shit out of him.</p><p>"I'm just not like that! Not anymore! It's not someone you see in person, Daniel. You really think I'm gonna be that dangerous while on tour?! You guys get to see the happy me, the outgoing soul that's loving and happy! And god, it's so cliche, I know. But while you guys are so happy on the side, I'm crying on the inside, waiting for the person that I can tell everything to. Is that person even real? Is he a thing? I just want a person that can let me break down in their arms. To understand and not walk away. But oh no. So I tried to hide it all!" I rant. "You guys can't know that I'm so close to giving up. I'm so ready to just end it all. I can't just heal! Healing means dealing with pain, I can't do that! I don't have the time, I don't have the strength."</p><p>He stares at me with his mouth open, brows furrow. I take a breath and I continue. "So yes, I'm not happy. But my smile will still radiate warmth, my laugh will still fill up a room! I'll let everything slip around me, if it means that people think I'm doing fine."</p><p>"Well I'm sorry! I'm sorry you have to deal with that! But I'm tired, Sav. I'm tired." Daniel says, furious. "I'm sorry someone made you feel like you couldn't be loved. I'm sorry someone made you feel that way. But god damn it Sav! I hate it! I hate this, I hate it all. I hate everything that's happened and the way my brain works. I hate everything, I hate my brain, I fucking hate y-" He stops abruptly.</p><p>I swallow hard and sigh sadly. "C'mon, say it. You hate me."</p><p>"No, no no no." Daniel whispers, shaking his head. "I don't hate you. I really, really wish I fucking did, believe me."</p><p>I stare at him in silence.</p><p>"As much as I could hate you, I have nothing but love for you. Fuck! And I hate it!" He curses. "I want to hate you, I really do. For everything that's happened. For everything you did. For everything I did. I just want to hate you! Hate you for everything. I <em>wish</em> I could hate you. Maybe getting over you would be easier. Make it all go away."</p><p>"You can't love me!" I cry. "You can't, Daniel! You can't come in here and say that like everything's fine, like I'll be okay with it!"</p><p>"You act like I can stop caring!" He yells back. "I can't stop being in love with you, damn it! I would've stopped so fucking long ago. I would've moved on if I could! But no, oh no. You were supposed to be temporary, all of this temporary! Zack was supposed to come back, and I would get over it all. But you two came in here, and disrupted everything I thought was set in stone. You <em>took </em>pieces of my life I thought were set in stone. You took things I thought I wouldn't lose, <em>couldn't </em>lose, and forced me to stay alive, stay yearning after you. Always you. It's always you."</p><p>"You think I knew this? You think I wanted to do this to you!?" I scream. "I'm sorry I put you through this pain, I'm sorry I hurt you! But Daniel, this can't fucking happen! It's gonna go wrong, it always goes wrong and I hate it. I hate it all! Why did you have to fall in love with me? Me! Why me? Of anyone you could've chosen."</p><p>"For months of my life I had you. You were there. I could talk to you, hold you, <em>have </em>you. You took up so much of me. And hell, I wanted to give it to you. I wanted to give everything. But you left. You left me. Your words were taken, your body was taken. Nights with you were taken. Your body on mine while we slept. Seeing you in the morning. Waking up for late night talks. Nights of us with everyone. Your absence was an absence of me. I want you back, I want it all back. You took so much...Yet it was all temporary. Everything was temporary." Daniel growls.</p><p>His voice shakes with anger and sadness. At me. Because it was my fault. It's all my fault, and we both know it. We both know how much I messed up, that I shouldn't even be here. I should've been gone long ago, destined for another life. Away from all of this, away from these problems. Away from him.</p><p>"Did you ever even notice?" He speaks again, his voice small. "Even a little bit?"</p><p>"What do you mean?" I ask, confused.</p><p>"I tried everything, you know. I tried to be like him. Dress like him, talk like him. But oh no. I don't think you'll ever love me." He says, drawing a shaking breath. "You'll never love me the way you loved him. I picked up your fucking habits, Sav! Your habits. Your good ones and your bad. The way you pick at your nails when you're nervous, the way you can't stand not hugging someone when you meet them. Phrases you use added to my vocab, and then all of the sudden I'm using them in sentences. The way I memorized all of you favorite songs from those late nights around the fire, the way I'll sing them randomly during the day. I'll pass you and smell your scent and it all comes flooding back. Everything reminds me of you. <em>Everything</em>. Just to remind me that I'll never have you. Not like that. Hell, maybe now not even as a friend. But hey, it's better to lose someone than suffer in silence, right?"</p><p>He comes closer to me and reaches his hands toward my face. I stay frozen in place, not knowing what to say or how I feel. I can't help but think <em>what if</em>. What if after everything...maybe it could work out?</p><p>His finger traces the scar from the stitches I received in the hospital. Me being me, busted a stitch the second we got back from the night in town with Daniel. I refused to go back to the hospital and as a result, I received a lengthy scar on the top of my forehead.</p><p>"Remember that weekend?" He asked, basically reading my mind.</p><p>I nod. "It was fun."</p><p>He laughs a little. "They thought we were married."</p><p>I grimace. "Yeah, that was...interesting."</p><p>His eyes darken a little bit at my flippant response.</p><p>"Sav." He starts, still sounding a little annoyed.</p><p>I take a deep breath. "What are you doing? What's the point?"</p><p>"The point?" He cries. "The point?! This isn't going away! I've tried. So hard, damn it. I want it to go away. I want it all to leave. But it's not going and I know for a fact that you aren't going either. You already left once..."</p><p>I nod. "I left once, and I'm not leaving again. If I can help it."</p><p>"You can't run away from problems. I know you hate commitment, I know." He whispers. "I know that you don't wanna be caged in. I know that. But I miss you. I miss you smile, your touch. Your voice. I miss everything about you. I just want to <em>have </em>you again. I can't help that I'm in love with you."</p><p>I shudder and my anxiety spikes a little at hearing that. Daniel notices the panicked look on my face but continues on calmly.</p><p>"Look, I know you. I'm not trying to force myself on you, none of that. You're...scared of commitment." Daniel sighs.</p><p>I giggle a little and sniffle.</p><p>"Don't cry, darling." He says, surprised. "I'm not trying to make you cry."</p><p>"No, I know." I say, kind of annoyed.</p><p>
  <em>Why do I have to cry all the damn time? And I heard that. Now I'm being called darling</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The question is why am I ok with it?</em>
</p><p>"Sav, when are you gonna understand it's not all good? Smooth sailing. It's so cliche- god. But seriously, none of us are perfect." He laughs. "As you can see, I'm very much not perfect."</p><p>I nod. "Yeah, the drinking's a problem."</p><p>He bows his head.</p><p>
  <em>It was a low move. But I'm not wrong.</em>
</p><p>"Look. I know you're not doing well. And I'm sorry for what I said. I really am." He says earnestly.</p><p>"You already said that last night." I respond drily, turning away from him.</p><p>"Well I'm saying it again." He says awkwardly. "Sober."</p><p>"Daniel, do you really want this?" I ask, motioning to myself. "You saw how unpredictable I am. You said it yourself, I run away from everything. Literally."</p><p>"Yes!" He says desperately.</p><p>"You're lying. You have to be!" I yell. "You can't want this, you can't want me! Look what happened! Look at this, look at me!"</p><p>I angrily pull up my sleeves and he sees my scars, everything I never wanted shown.</p><p>"You want this? You want me, so twisted up and broken? Really? You deserve better! You don't deserve this!"</p><p>"Well what if I <em>want</em> you? Huh? What if I want you? Not anyone else, not anyone different! I <em>want </em>your stupid, fucking, twisted up broken self! Okay!? I want it!" He yells back.</p><p>"No you don't!" I scream. "No!"</p><p>"Stop trying to make me love someone else!" Daniel cries. "I didn't fall in love with you for that to be fixed or changed! I fell in love <em>you.</em> All of you."</p><p>He motions angrily towards me before walking closer.</p><p>"You're supposed to be a permanent part of my life. And I can't help it. I try, I've been trying. To become unattached to you. Act like I don't care. Yet everytime I see you," he continues sadly, grabbing my arm and rubbing the scar with his thumb. "Every time I see you, I can't let go. So stop trying to push me away, damn it. Why can't you let me close to you?"</p><p>I pull my arm away from his hand and shove my sleeve back down.</p><p>"You know what? Fine! Fine." I snap. "You wanna know why you can't get close?! Fine. I have boundaries. Boundaries! And you know what happens? People like, Jack, or Jonah, they come in and they tear them down! And now, do you see what's happened? I'm ruined, I'm done, I'm no good. I'm done! I used to be so good about this kind of thing. Be cautious. Careful. Analytical. I shouldn't depend on others, I don't need people to stay. I don't let myself be vulnerable!"</p><p>My volume increases as I continue on, and I thank god no one's close enough to hear us screaming at each other.</p><p>"But no. Oh no! Here I am again, boundaries crashing to the floor. And it's always been like that." I hiss, on a roll now. "Ever since I met you, you've been so close. And stupid me, I let you. I let you! I got <em>so attached </em>to the idea of having you around. You were everything. You tore down every barrier I put up. And it kills me. <em>Kills me</em>. Just to know you have so much power over me. How am I supposed to sit here and hold steady? With you, I'm naked. Everything is just...there. Out in the open. You were <em>so close</em>. So no. No."</p><p>"Why can't I be close again?" Daniel whispers.</p><p>"Look what's happened, Dani!" I cry. "Everything's ruined. I'm ruined. Nothing is right anymore, the world hates me."</p><p>I motion to my phone. "I can barely stand staring at my phone for more than 30 seconds before I feel like I'm spiraling out of control."</p><p>He reaches out his arms, and against my will, my body automatically steps into them.</p><p>"Everything's so wrong." I cry into his shoulder. "So wrong..."</p><p>"I'm here." He says quietly. "And I'm not going away. Not again. No one can separate us again."</p><p>"You can't leave." I sob, wrapping myself even tighter. "Please don't leave."</p><p>"Nobody's leaving." He responds. "I'm not leaving you."</p><p>"How do I fix this?" I ask, hiding my face in his sleeve. "Everything's gone to shit."</p><p>"No no no." Daniel sighs. "You've got the boys. You have Skye. You have me. We're enough. That's what you need. We all love you. That's what matters, not what the fans think. They don't get to see you 24/7, the other side of you."</p><p>"How do I do it? I'm gonna mess up and then you'll be gone, everyone will leave again." I say timidly.</p><p>He tightens his grip. "I'm not gonna leave. Sure, I'll probably get mad, but don't we all? I've waited this long, I can wait a little longer. I just...I don't want to lose you again for what I said."</p><p>I smile a bit against his shoulder. "It was gonna come out sooner or later. It would've had to, right?"</p><p>He just sighs, so I pull back and look him in the eyes.</p><p>"Look, you already said I have commitment issues. We both know that. I'm not perfect...far from it." I laugh a bit, tears still streaming down. "Very far. But you were the first person that made me feel at home when we first came here. And maybe you only did it because you liked me, but I'll always love you for that."</p><p>He shakes his head. "Even if I can't have you, at least you'll know what I feel, I guess."</p><p>I kiss him lightly, just once. He stares at me and I look to the ground in embarrassment.</p><p>"Sorry." I mumble.</p><p>He laughs, a deep rich laugh. It's different from the one's I've heard in the past few months. Daniel used to laugh sarcastically, full of contempt. Looking back, it was probably because he was so hurt because of everything I did.</p><p>"I'm sorry." I apologize with a deep breath. "For everything I did. For not realizing."</p><p>He shakes his head slowly. "Sometimes you gotta use all your options to realize what's the right thing for you to do."</p><p>I lean my head on his chest and inhale his scent.</p><p>"What are the fans gonna say?" I ask. "That girl- the night at the gas station?"</p><p>He shifts against me and I can tell he knows who I'm talking about.</p><p>"She told me," I pause. "She told me I was using you guys. That I was moving on too fast and I should just end everything."</p><p>"You think you should listen to her?" Daniel asks, sounding a bit sad. "Why would you listen to her? She's jealous...you have something that not a lot of people ever get to experience. You're living a dream of some people. People say things they don't mean out of jealousy. It makes you twist words and speak from want, speak something truly horrible because of the thought of achieving a dream that we all know deep down, will only happen if it's meant to."</p><p>"But what are they gonna say?" I wonder.</p><p>"It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that you're here. You're here and you're working on yourself, the people around you. You're trying to make your world a better place and that's all that anybody needs to know. And we're all here. I'll speak for the whole team and say that. And I'll wait, as long as I need to. Because you're here. Here for good."</p><p>"I missed you." I say, standing close to him.</p><p>He gathers me up in a hug again. "We all missed you too."</p><p>"Thank you. For everything." I sigh softly. "Even from the beginning, for making me feel at home. It's just...thank you. I love you so, so, so much for that."</p><p>I can tell he's smiling that stupid little crooked grin he has, and it warms my heart.</p><p>"Welcome home." He responds.</p><p><em>Welcome home</em>.</p><p>
  <strong>Not me crying 😭 All good tears no worries. My baby is finisheddd. Thinking about going back and adding on parts but I'm not sure. Thank you so so much for coming along on Sav's journey and who knows, maybe you'll see more soon :)</strong>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. EPILOGUE</h2></a>
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    <p>So now you see, a little backstory of everything that’s happened. A time for you all to get to know the other half of me, as Daniel says it. And I’m not gonna fool you, it took awhile for me to realize that he wasn’t going to leave. Everything wasn’t exactly smooth sailing, there was a lot to adjust too. But he stood by and he waited until I was ready. </p><p>You see here the horrible start of a beautiful beginning that I was lucky enough to live through. Things are a lot better now. My anxiety has been improving and I’m seeing someone for therapy. Not everything’s sunshine and rainbows, it’s not like it’s just gonna go away. (I’m sure you all have noticed that by now) But here we are. All on the same page. </p><p>And so, Limelights. I hope this little story has helped you along. It certainly helped me. Maybe we can be helped together. But I’d appreciate it now if you could stop calling me rude things on twitter and instagram and who knows where else. It gets old. Me and Daniel are happy, the two of us. He really was meant for me. And sure, it took me a long time to get there, but here we are. </p><p>Don’t be afraid to come and say hi, as long as you're nice. I promise to be more social with you guys now. I’ve really been trying to improve myself. So don’t be shy. Don’t forget: treat yourself and others with kindness. Harry would be proud :)</p><p>XOXO, Savannah Sailor</p>
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